My Girlfriends Sister.

LegacyUser

HI,

My Girlfriends Sister has become a complete bitch over the last 3-4 years and only in the last year she really has become unbearable..

This is the story...

She is 21 and is now six months pregnant to a total looser,He is 19 and already has a child to another girl,Has no job(I know in this day and age a job is a rare thing!But I don't think he has ever had one), He Hardly speaks to any of us and never has made any effort to mix with the family and he is quite rude to her in front of her family..



My GF's Parents are at their Wits end with their daughter,Because she goes off for days and never says where she is going,She only is nice to them when she is looking for money and then when she gets it she like a demon again.They have done every thing the can to try to make her see the error of her ways but she'll have none of it..



I started coming to my GFs house nearly 6 yrs ago,and back then the sister was just a kid,getting up to all the things that they do,Part time job, Being flirty with anyone new who came to the house and was really a nice kid..

She was kinda young and a bit immature to be finishing up secondary school and her parents thought it would be a good idea to do secretarial year, Which she did.She started to grow up a bit,Make-up and looking good became the ritual,would not even walk around the house with out a bit of make-up on etc..

She went to college and then she started to change..She took the total pi55 out of her parents,He first year cost them in the region of about €12k (fees,rent,flash money etc) and lowe and behold she failed her exams as her course was marked mainly on attendance and course work,She failed poor attendance,and not doing work,although she was good at the practical side of it.

She came home for,what was supposed to be a year and to try a different career. She got a job in a hotel and this was really starting to have a positive effect on her, she became more pleasant and was able to pay her parents a bit of weekly rent..BUt soon she got fed up and wanted to go back to her hairdressing,She went to work in a few saloons in the town and was doing quite well (or so we thought) but we were to find out later that she was piling up debt all around her... Her looks started to change,Gone was the make up and the glam, and she started to look like a minger, and yet she was still feeding us lies about how well she was doing in certain hairdressers,she fed us lies about working in a drama group that just seemed to disappear in the wind.She got one job in a barber shop and she tried to convince us all that she was almost the manager in the place,but again it was more BS,after a time in it she was made do three day week but yet she was still going out every morning and letting on that she was working elsewhere

And then one day she arrived home with this guy...Young 19 yo dude,whom she thought was cool and I think even he thought he was too..

We discovered things about him very quickly,To put it mildly He comes from bad stock..And its not just his immediate family but extended too...Jail birds, restraining orders,Fighting,landing at a persons door to lay down the law, etc...



I dont know why I'm writing this in here...Maybe I just need to have it wrote down in order to chart a way forward...



Her parents are good peoplThey are exceptional, her Father and Mother have worked so hard to give the whole family a good life and up-bringing there is 7 kids in the house and this one (the youngest) has become unbelievable.

Maybe its her way of gettin attention,There has been alot of things that happened in the house of recent..There has been two engagements,and one of her brothers has come out and we've all accepted this and moved on..

But she has just been so...Unbelievable,Two weeks ago She dissapeared to his house and never text'd, phoned or anything to say she was alright for a whole week...If she does come home she'll arrive back late when everyone is in bed and will stay there until everyone is gone in the morning..She Steals things from her sisters,and when confronted about it she shouts them down...

As I said there has been engagments in the house and one is due to marry before the end of the year,But her being up the duff has taken the spotlight off the bride to be which is So wrong,The baby will either arrive One Month before or one week after...Even she does'nt know how long gone she is,She has had scans and has not produced on picture of it,She claims she had a threatend misscarrage BUT Yet The hospital let her home THAT DAY,Is this correct proccedure?

As I said I dont know whhy I'm writing this...I just need to see it in print to believe that it is happening all around me..

If You've any questions Ask Me,If you've any advice what can be done Tell Me.. Thanks.

Overheal

I dont know what to tell you. I think you're right though that theres some underlying reason why she is with that kind of guy, whether she realises it or not. Who the fcuk knows, maybe she felt pressured into being an achiever. Thats my take on it. Your parents can hand you a world of opportunity but that can put a lot of self-placed pressure on yourself to succeed. Especially the youngest child.

What can you do? I have no idea. She's scared of failing, so she's setting the bar lower. Positive reinforcement will be key. No doubt she was admonished for failing college and dating this punk - that kind of negativity breeds contempt and thats probably why she's gone for days on end.

http://kirkhamsebooks.com/Education/Education_Articles/PositiveReinforcementLongTerm.htm

yellowcurl

There's nothing much you can do here. It's all her own choice, her family just have to wait until she sees the error of her ways.

Be careful though, don't bitch about her too much to her family. Every family gets annoyed with each other from time to time and can give out about each other, but when someone from outside the nest gives out it's a whole different story.

pseudonym1

Ok she has messed up more than a few times. Soon she will be a mother - I think understanding and compassion is what she needs will need. Not dwelling on her lifes woes!

Sometimes messing up in your younger days gives you a stronger more focused perspective.

Mediation might help the family.

kmick

Why are you getting involved? Admittedly its not a nice thing to have to watch but her parents will do enough worrying for her. Here is my 12 prediction.
Baby Arrives
Boyfriend Disapears
She settles down a bit

ManOfMystery

GFsSISTER wrote: »

As I said there has been engagments in the house and one is due to marry before the end of the year,But her being up the duff has taken the spotlight off the bride to be which is So wrong,The baby will either arrive One Month before or one week after...Even she does'nt know how long gone she is,She has had scans and has not produced on picture of it,She claims she had a threatend misscarrage BUT Yet The hospital let her home THAT DAY,Is this correct proccedure?

Is she definitely pregnant? Of course this is only a guess, but it wouldn't surprise me - given that she sounds like a liar, attention seeker and someone who doesn't really give a toss - that she would make it up to get some attention and distract from the engagements, etc.

KM56

maybe she is worried about becoming a mom. maybe this her last time to be wild and be a normal 21 year ols....like partying and all that.

her being moody is because of her hormones probably. i think she will calm down after giving birth and her parents should really let her be the one to mind it most of the time not them, no matter how much she acts up because it is her baby.

Mr. Incognito

It's not your sister- stay out of it.

seamus

There's not a whole lot you can do except support your girlfriend. Although it seems like you've been there forever, you're not part of the family and there's little you can do to improve the situation.

LegacyUser

yellowcurl wrote: »

There's nothing much you can do here. It's all her own choice, her family just have to wait until she sees the error of her ways.

Be careful though, don't bitch about her too much to her family. Every family gets annoyed with each other from time to time and can give out about each other, but when someone from outside the nest gives out it's a whole different story.

The Whole family are at their wits end,It causes alot of upset.. But its the sneaking around, the steaing and the lying that causes the upset..She can do so much better than this guy..

LegacyUser

Mr. Incognito wrote: »

It's not your sister- stay out of it.

I'm marrying into the family...When your future Mother In Law, Turns to you in Floods of tears..What can you do? Over the years the mother would never wanted me to know that she was in bad form,But One Day it was just the two of us and she started crying right in front of me.

Its, not that she is pregnant,But who she is pregnant to.
She Borrows Money and treats them like sh1t.
She is only nice to them to get what she wants.As I said she was in college,Failed and got booted out,He parents went back to the college to see what could be done and the college agreed that she could return on certain conditions,But even that has gone to the wayside..
She can be patronising,Like 'Oh Daddy' do you want tea etc.. On night in the pub she went right up him in front of his friends gave him a big hug and cmae out with 'Love you daddy!' Right in front of his friends,.

Overheal

You can proxy advice through your gf but she's not your sister. Its up to the immediate family to look after their own, and youd only make unecessary drama for yourself getting directly involved.

LegacyUser

pseudonym1 wrote: »

Ok she has messed up more than a few times. Soon she will be a mother - I think understanding and compassion is what she needs will need. Not dwelling on her lifes woes!

Sometimes messing up in your younger days gives you a stronger more focused perspective.

Mediation might help the family.

She has been given love in all formats,Tough,Her way,Standing Back and lettign her at.. She refused councelling,and has started going to a doctor in his town and not their family doctor,she is also attending a clinc in his town too..

LegacyUser

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Is she definitely pregnant? Of course this is only a guess, but it wouldn't surprise me - given that she sounds like a liar, attention seeker and someone who doesn't really give a toss - that she would make it up to get some attention and distract from the engagements, etc.

I questioned it too!...It would be interesting to see who she pulls it off if it is a lie.
She has gone for scans and it is only him who can go,She wont let her mother get involved to take her to the hospital.They had been out for the day she had the suspected misscarridge she went to the general hospital to get seen to,then went back to his house to get her car,They had to drive right past her family home before going back to his which is a half an hour away!!
I haven't seen her in two weeks so I couldn't tell you what she looks like now.. In relation to engagments,She arrived home at Christmas with a promise ring on..At Christmas time it was in her third finger right hand and it gradually went to third finger left hand..She has told the whole town that they are engaged But Yet it is news to us! She has never come out straight and said 'we are engaged' So WTF!

Overheal

well disownment IS an option. My stepdad has pretty much had to do it with his own. I never met her, but she stole, she lied, she did hard drugs, got knocked up, all that stuff. When she conned her grandma into signing off on a rental car that she ended up stealing outright, that was done deal. nobody has heard from her in over a year now.

But as far as youre concerned mister boyfriend try not to lose sleep over it. Support your girlfriend.

LegacyUser

Overheal wrote: »

You can proxy advice through your gf but she's not your sister. Its up to the immediate family to look after their own, and youd only make unecessary drama for yourself getting directly involved.

I accept what you're saying,But the whole family have been more than good to me over the last few years,I have always been accepted as one of the gang as have all the other boyfriends..So it is hard to see the whole family being torn apart like this...
She does'nt see how good her parents are,She does'nt realise that even though the family don't like this guy,The baby will be loved more than ever can be thought..

Oryx

Its nice that you care enough to post here. Its nice you want to help her, and that you hate the suffering her family are going through.

But You. Cant. Help.

Not because you are 'only' the boyfriend. (You are part of this family). But because the only person who has the power to change this girl is herself. Her family will put themselves through agonies and jump through hoops for her, but if she wants to continue treating them shabbily, then she will. She will continue to make mistakes and fcuk up royally till she sees what she is doing. All you or anyone can do is stand back and let her, and not take too much grief from her. When you love people sometimes you allow them to walk all over you, and in this case the family need to stop her doing that to them. They love her, and when she does come back to them sincerely, then they can accept her with open arms and help her put her life back together. But while she is being so callous and uncaring, tough love and protecting the family from her hassle, is all they can do.