Am I overreacting

LegacyUser

Hey guys i need some advice please thanks

My boyfriend of 7 months who is great and i love him very much,we get on great have our ups and downs like everyone.But we get thru it together.

I am having a problem tho,he has loads of girls who are friends.He says i have nothing to worry about and i do trust him.But when these girls are around he gets cranky and moody with me at times and i feel they are trying to interfere with our relationship.One or two have even tried it on with him who he then no longer spoke to.

Now i don't know how to approach the situation without upsetting him and making him feel untrusted.But its making me very uneasy as one keeps turning up at his door late in night and sitting there for hours with him.

Am i overreacting and just let him have these girls as friends or out of respect for me should i ask him to stop having the ones around who i feel are trying to hit on him and split us up.

Guys whats your feed back,do you have girls who are mates and will call in to you any time at night or morning for a chat,and if you have girl friends are they ok with it to.

Thanks

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

One or two have even tried it on with him who he then no longer spoke to.

Well if, as you say, he's ditching the ones who are trying it on then you've nothing to worry about.

Oryx

He is allowed to have whatever friends he likes, be they male or female. Sounds as if the ones who did try it on got a very firm no, so you dont seem to have anything to complain about. If your fella was an outrageous flirt, yeah, thats one thing. But it just sounds to me like you are jealous of the female company he keeps, and thats YOUR problem alone. He is not doing anything wrong.

Yes you should talk to him about the girls you feel are trying it on. See what he has to say about them, and about whats going on. Get the reassurance you need from him about all that. But I wouldnt recommend you make this into an issue over 'its your friends or me'. Noone should have that kind of decision placed on them. Its unfair.

LegacyUser

Thanks alot Oryx and shellyboo,I know yous are right,I guess its my own insecurities that are letting me feel worried.I have had not much luck with women around my bf's and i also have no male friends so don't understand it.
I guess its me been jealous and a little selfish wanting him to myself.
I have tried to talk to him about the ones who i do feel are trying to gain his interest,and i guess i cant do anything about that if he does gain an interest in one of them.

Can i ask tho how you would feel if a particular guy or girl arrives at your bf or gf door without calling first early in morning and late at night.

Oryx

Unregistered wrote: »

Thanks alot Oryx and shellyboo,I know yous are right,I guess its my own insecurities that are letting me feel worried.I have had not much luck with women around my bf's and i also have no male friends so don't understand it.
I guess its me been jealous and a little selfish wanting him to myself.
I have tried to talk to him about the ones who i do feel are trying to gain his interest,and i guess i cant do anything about that if he does gain an interest in one of them.

Can i ask tho how you would feel if a particular guy or girl arrives at your bf or gf door without calling first early in morning and late at night.

If you felt secure in how you are with your fella, it wouldnt matter if the pussycat dolls kept phoning him at all hours. Youd know he just wanted you and it would be a non issue, or at least youd only be as peed off as you would be if a male friend was calling at night. If a girl is calling at odd hours and making shapes at him, then shes out of order, but if he is not responding or encouraging it, then dont blow it into something its not. You cant keep your man on a leash. Youll have to just learn to trust him. If you dont, youll just wind yourself and him up and cause a rift that shouldnt be there.

(My fella once went on holidays with a female friend. So I have had to deal with that kind of situation and the feelings it can bring up.)

AARRRGH

Unregistered wrote: »

Am i overreacting and just let him have these girls as friends

I am assuming he was friends with these girls before he met you, so you are being controlling and unreasonable.

Trying to dictate his life will just end up making your relationship fail.

The problem is you are insecure and untrusting.

KM56

shellyboo wrote: »

Well if, as you say, he's ditching the ones who are trying it on then you've nothing to worry about.

i agree with the quote above. but if it is bothering you maybe just say it in a calm way and let him know how you feel. but still explain that your not telling him to give rid of all his girl friends. maybe he might see them less if he knows it is bothering you.

LegacyUser

Oryx wrote: »

If you felt secure in how you are with your fella, it wouldnt matter if the pussycat dolls kept phoning him at all hours. Youd know he just wanted you and it would be a non issue, or at least youd only be as peed off as you would be if a male friend was calling at night. If a girl is calling at odd hours and making shapes at him, then shes out of order, but if he is not responding or encouraging it, then dont blow it into something its not. You cant keep your man on a leash. Youll have to just learn to trust him. If you dont, youll just wind yourself and him up and cause a rift that shouldnt be there.

(My fella once went on holidays with a female friend. So I have had to deal with that kind of situation and the feelings it can bring up.)

Thanks alot Oryx your been really helpful,I can feel myself getting a bit jealous and try to shake it off,Yeah there is this one girl who just turns up at the door without even a call first and that kinda bugs me a bit.Cause he works hard aswell and she just sits there for hours late into night when i am not around,doesnt even consider he has to work a long day and be up in the morning.I see her making a play for him under pretence she is his friend and kinda makes me upset.Cause i know she is trying to create something to happen.
But you are right i need to really try not to wind myself up cause he is a truly great man and loves me very much and i love him very much to.
No i do trust him,i am just scared of getting hurt.

LegacyUser

AARRRGH wrote: »

I am assuming he was friends with these girls before he met you, so you are being controlling and unreasonable.

Trying to dictate his life will just end up making your relationship fail.

The problem is you are insecure and untrusting.

You are assuming wrong,some of them just got introduced to him recently and all of a sudden they think they can drop by when ever they feel like.The girls who are friends with him seems to me they only want him to be with him that's how they come across,They aren't there for been friends they are trying their best to be in his face as much as they can.
I don't try to dictate his life to him trust me when i say that.I never try that.
I am insecure yes i am a little i guess.But un trusting to him nope not at all i trust him completely.I am trying very hard to scrape away my insecurities and be stronger you know but its very hard when these girls are obvious in why they are hanging around,just waiting for right moment to be there.

Thanks a lot for your reply

Liberal Irishman

Unregistered wrote: »

Hey guys i need some advice please thanks
Now i don't know how to approach the situation without upsetting him and making him feel untrusted.But its making me very uneasy as one keeps turning up at his door late in night and sitting there for hours with him.

Am i overreacting and just let him have these girls as friends or out of respect for me should i ask him to stop having the ones around who i feel are trying to hit on him and split us up.
Thanks

Probably not for you to say exactly ‘who’ he should see. But I think it is not unreasonable for you to expect a bit of common courtesy and consideration at the same time.


I find that a pretty good yardstick is to imagine that the roles are reversed. Exactly what reaction would you expect to get from your boyfriend?


If you can answer this question honestly, you’ll have your answer!

gypsy_rose

It's OK Op, remember it takes two to tango and though I know how infuriating it is to see other girls come onto your boyfriend if he doesn't do anything then it's fine, you should trust him about it unless he does something to make you suspicious and from the sounds of it here he sounds like an honest guy.

Oryx

This is a zombie thread, so Im closing it.