Life is empty

LegacyUser

I've lost the will for life. I am NOT suicidal. I value life too much for that, and I could not and would not go that road.

But life has become empty and meaningless. I have been hit hard by this recession. I have lost my job. I am in the process of losing my home. In a couple of months, if I can get a buyer, I will be living at home with mum. I will have no job, no home, no partner, no life.

My whole ambition after leaving school was to get my own home. With that, I felt would come stability, and I could organise my life around that. I worked in horrendous, stressful jobs, long hours, 80 and 90 hours a week. I hated that whole decade of my life. There was nothing positive about it. Ten wasted years. But out of it came the home I dreamed of, a small, modest two bedroom home. The basis from which to ease up, find a partner, relax, and begin to enjoy life.

Now it's gone. I am not so much distraught at the loss of the house itself, I am lucky that I have a mother to move in with. Some have not even that. What I am distraught about, is the loss of all those years of my life, years of slog and torture, when I hated my life, but sacrificed it all for the future, for the home I am now losing.

I am 40. I will now never be able to climb back to this point. Again the recession is over, and there are any availability of jobs again, I will be too old to begin a mortgage all over again. And at this stage, after all the years of torment, I could never face into that from scratch all over again. My time left in life is too valuable to waste it working, working, working, and having no life.

I don't get up in the mornings any more. I face bank letters on a daily basis. I have gone into them, have laid my cards on the table, but there is no sympathy in that quarter. I have done all the MABS stuff, cut back the bills, everything. Renting is not an option for financial reasons, only selling up. At least once the apartment is sold, I will be back to zero, and the financial pressure will be over.

That just leaves my life. 40, living at home with mum, no job, no money, no self respect, no hope of a relationship (single guy of 40 living at home with mum, great catch), all the best years of my life, when I was full of energy and positivity, wasted down the drain in horrendous jobs, all for nothing, now. Because I have nothing to show for those years now.

I need the spark back in my life. But it is as dead as a stone. I'd love to spend the rest of my life curled up in a corner reading books or browsing the net. I don't want to go back to work now, because my experience of work to now has been one of abuse and exploitation. And with no home or family life to work for, there is no point.

Where does my future lie?

BaubleFreak

you've got nothing left to lose, so you can pretty much do whatever you want now! find your dream and go for it. go to college, night classes, write a book, become an artist. you have 40 years of life experience behind you, you are a worthy human being. take your life back and do with it what you've always wanted to.

listermint

Bauble has great advice. Follow it.

Do volunteering. Get some new experiences back in your life. There is so much more people to meet and things to do.

Expand your horizons . Its tough to do but once you start the first few steps you will keep on going.

sardineta

My friend, look further afield. If your qualifications allow, take a look at a complete fresh start abroad. If not, given your desire to read, perhaps you can turn to that advantage and go into college, perhaps somewhere else in the EU.

From experience, avoid caffeine (coffee especially) as this will enhance your anxieties and minimise any alcohol intake (it makes it too easy to stay in bed), make sure you get out of the house for daylight and get some sort of exercise. Once you start thinking more clearly, you will be open to opportunities you would not have considered whilst in the workplace.

LegacyUser

Brokenspirit wrote: »

At least once the apartment is sold, I will be back to zero, and the financial pressure will be over.

I really feel for you. I am in almost exactly the same position.

I am 39 years old, like you slogged and sweated and suffered for the last 20 years, with only this small 2 bed home in the middle of a half built estate to show for it. No kids, lately I am getting symptoms telling me I am now starting the menopause. Lovely, cant wait to look even uglier than I am now.

I would love to go home to my Mother, but I cant -who will buy my place? Now worse I think my Mother is starting to get alzeimers. I've no idea how we will pay for her care.

I do have a job left, 20 years slogging in here 5 days a week like a droid to what end?

Nothing. Every single one of my colleagues is gone to better pastures or on maternity leave. I am surrounded by kids half my age eeking out the hours wondering when the axe will fall on me.

I am up to my eyeballs in debt, my car is a laughing stock fit for the scrapyard (literally)
Like you if I could just stay in bed and read books I would love to do that.
I dont know what to say to you other than you are not alone.

At least you will be at zero when the apartment is sold, thank your lucky stars you wont be in negative equity. I just feel trapped. I feel like life has been a meaningless struggle for nothing.

LegacyUser

A big hug for that last poster, I suppose we have to look elsewhere for the positivity, somewhere maybe we never thought of looking before.

But it would be so much easier without the big bad banks towering over us demanding our lives on a plate, whatever few years left we have. Hand it over!

I don't know if it was ever what I wanted. I wanted it, because I was told to want it. Everything in my life from the day I started secondary school, all through friends, jobs, life in general, conditioned me for having the house, and the two point four kids, and fitting into what was expected. Be a round peg like every one else, and fit into the hole provided for you.

Some STILL expect me to fit, even as it becomes obvious I don't fit any more. They STILL demand of me, 'do not give up your home at ANY cost!' Which is why I have left it so long, to the point of already being in critical debt problems. Because I hung on too long.

I know one thing. Whatever happens, if, please God, we all come out of this one day, I will NEVER trust a government or a bank or anything the state tells me again. I will never WILLINGLY pay another shilling in tax, only what I must by law, and then in protest, at the sheer squandering of all the thousands upon thousands in tax I paid all through the good times. Where is it all now? Stored up in obsolete e-voting machines?

BaubleFreak, thank you, you have told me something from your heart, not the jaded old line I keep getting fed by everyone around me, which is that it is all about the money. Screw that, money is one of the few man made things in this world which has no equivalent in nature. God obviously saw no purpose for it in his natural creation. I don't see why it should be so all-consuming in this man made world.

Perhaps this is the lesson we will take from these rough times.

aare

I so feel for both of you...

Funny thing, I never exactly had what you would call an "easy life" but, just after my 40th birthday I started to steadily run out of options...I wasn't contemplating suicide, I was actually putting it off till the last possible moment, when I had nothing left to hang on with...no BS...that's just the way it was, and it seemed as inevitable as an oncoming express train, but in a weird kind of slow motion.

My life had run it's course and I knew it, there was nothing left.

Since when, I seem to have had, easily, the best 10 years of my life. I didn't aim for it, look for it, and I certainly didn't expect it...it just happened that way...

Maybe it wouldn't seem much to other people, but I am not "other people".

I hope that the same thing happens for both of you.

MJOR

OP is there anyway you could take in a lodger to help?? You are by no means over the hill and you need to stop that frame of mind. I can't imagine what it's like to lose your home but please please don't give up on life... I know lots of people that met their true love after 40, living at home is no shame oif that is what you have to do!

Both my parents have met new people over 55 so you're by no means out of the running for a new relationship..

as posted above, you have nothing to lose.. make the most of your days, develop hobbies and remember that ireland is the only country in the world where people fascinate over owning their own home. it's not the be all, end all..

if you have positive equity on your home and have any money left over, make sure to see some of the world.

LegacyUser

Brokenspirit wrote: »

A big hug for that last poster, I suppose we have to look elsewhere for the positivity, somewhere maybe we never thought of looking before.

But it would be so much easier without the big bad banks towering over us demanding our lives on a plate, whatever few years left we have. Hand it over!

I don't know if it was ever what I wanted. I wanted it, because I was told to want it. Everything in my life from the day I started secondary school, all through friends, jobs, life in general, conditioned me for having the house, and the two point four kids, and fitting into what was expected. Be a round peg like every one else, and fit into the hole provided for you.

Some STILL expect me to fit, even as it becomes obvious I don't fit any more. They STILL demand of me, 'do not give up your home at ANY cost!' Which is why I have left it so long, to the point of already being in critical debt problems. Because I hung on too long.

I know one thing. Whatever happens, if, please God, we all come out of this one day, I will NEVER trust a government or a bank or anything the state tells me again. I will never WILLINGLY pay another shilling in tax, only what I must by law, and then in protest, at the sheer squandering of all the thousands upon thousands in tax I paid all through the good times. Where is it all now? Stored up in obsolete e-voting machines?

BaubleFreak, thank you, you have told me something from your heart, not the jaded old line I keep getting fed by everyone around me, which is that it is all about the money. Screw that, money is one of the few man made things in this world which has no equivalent in nature. God obviously saw no purpose for it in his natural creation. I don't see why it should be so all-consuming in this man made world.

Perhaps this is the lesson we will take from these rough times.

Thank you and the same to you, sometimes like aare said maybe rock bottom has to be reached before we go up again. Thank you for that aare, its lovely to hear there is hope.

OP, I too am so bitter at the government and bankers who swindled us like this and destroyed our lives. But I am determined now to somehow come through this, even if all is lost.

Yes you are right about nature and money, I suppose it teaches us not to worship Mammon.

Thanks for your thoughts and I hope things turn around for you.

LegacyUser

It's ourselves, people in our situation, that will have to pull each other up. I do notice that there are a lot of people, not directly affected by the recession, who still have their jobs, cars, etc. who are inclined to believe we are only in a blip, and the good times will be back next year. I hope they never have to suffer what you and I are going through.

For me, it is not the material loss at all. Of course, I am sorry to lose my home, I chose it and furnished it and lived in it for all those years, and it became my comfort zone. But I think I will get over the material loss pretty quickly. Actually I look forward to not being under that enormous financial burden any more. It has darkened the last ten years of my life, and I can see now I was becoming ever more slowly depressed, even before this sudden bust happened.

No, what I find hardest of all, is the loss of those ten years of my life. Ten years I absolutely did not enjoy. That is the loss that is crippling me, and I fear that whatever happens in the future, I might harbour an awful bitterness about that, and I wish I wouldn't.

I feel myself becoming reclusive, and I don't trust anyone or anything anymore, especially anything of officialdom. I regard everything as a threat or a scam or a lie. Which is an awful legacy for this Celtic Tiger to leave behind. It is going to take huge willpower from those honest people left behind, to try to get over that, and recreate the honest, decent lifestyle we should be having.

My biggest fear now is eventually returning to work. I don't want to work any more. I worked hard for years for a home and a dream, however misguided that dream was. I dread the thought of starting all over again, and while I don't want to be a bum on society, I really cannot face going back into the workforce, if there are ever jobs again. I don't know what to do, where to go, my confidence is completely broken.

Like I say, if I could just curl up with a book, I'd be happy. Maybe I could get a job in a library, shelving books all day! How would I go about that???

useful_contacts

thank you for this thread- it showed me how selfish i am.

I was moping around cos iv no job and i cant get one atm there are no jobs at all in this town. my partner still has his and we are renting, and we have no debs and some savings.

And i actually thought i was badly off until i read this. I cant imagine how you must feel.

cantdecide

Rough place, OP.

Think back over the years. You know when those guys on the news are saying 'i've worked here for years and now it's shut and there's no other job prospects- I'm f****d'... errr how how many of those people actually end up giving in and just start praying for a happy death??

The answer is none.

You were a casualty of one of the greatest ever economical crises to hit the world. The whole world is working to turn it around. You do have someone to fall back on temporarily even though it's not ideal but things will change and you will be fine. It's only a question of how and when...

AARRRGH

40 isn't old, especially if you take care of yourself, e.g. lift weights, do some cardio, eat well, etc.

Your situation sucks alright, but I do think you should see it as a new beginning. The worst thing you can do is accept it and stay living with your mother on the dole for the next few years.

Is there any way you can gather a bit of money and go emigrate? I know you'll be leaving some debt behind, but **** it, you only live once.

topper75

You come from, I don't know where, with - NOTHING.

You leave to, I don't know where, with - NOTHING.
(though some Cavan scientists are fixing trailer bars to hearses, more on that as we get it)

Is everything else in the middle there for your:

a) worry
b) enjoyment

?
You decide.

What happens in life is predetermined, so don't sweat too much on your decisions. There were x number of atoms at the big bang and x number of fixed laws of physics governing their trajectory. The neurons in your head are part of this fixed direction unravelling of the universe. Set back and enjoy I say. The show could all be over tomorrow so squeeze out every last second. Troubles are there to be laughed at. The people around you are your fellow travellers on this crazy journey and face the same choice about worry or enjoyment all the time - embrace them.

I had no choice but to write this post and you had no choice but to read it!

Darragh29

OP, I read your post and I think you could very easily write a book about your experiences. The book to warn the next generation of the destructive and catastrophic affects of the rampant greed in the society that we have lived in, has yet to be written...

Dudess

Brokenspirit wrote: »

No, what I find hardest of all, is the loss of those ten years of my life. Ten years I absolutely did not enjoy. That is the loss that is crippling me, and I fear that whatever happens in the future, I might harbour an awful bitterness about that, and I wish I wouldn't.

Regret is utterly useless - I mean, I can't emphasise how futile it is. You have to view that 10 years in a different way, as something that felt right at the time. It's only now, with the knowledge it wasn't all that brilliant, that you feel crap about it. How could you have known back then though? So you put stuff on hold because you felt it would be worth it for your house - well that was a decision that felt right to you at the time and nobody could have stopped you. Try to come round to that way of thinking. Dwelling on regrets will only make you unwell mentally.

Maybe I could get a job in a library, shelving books all day! How would I go about that???

Cool. Go for it. Local authorities employ library staff so keep an eye out for permanent jobs. In the mean time, contact the personnel department of your local authority to see if there are any opportunities for temp library staff.

littlefriend

If you were working previously why aren't you entitled to the dole? Also, you should be entitled to help with your mortgage [just the interest part].At the early stage of your mortgage most of your repayments will be purely interest based so you should get a fair amount of that from the government-- enough at least to come to an arrangement with the bank.
Unfortunately, your home has probably dropped in value so [if the amount owed is greater than the value of the property] the bank aren't going to want it back unless they have no option.