Can't push lesbian fantasy out of my mind

LegacyUser

Ok I think the title of this thread is a bit stupid, but it's all I could think of!

Anyway, I'm a straight girl, and have been in a very happy relationship for the past 10 months, however I can't stop thinking about other girls. I don't know if I really fancy them, I obviously can tell if a girl is attractive or not, but I don't fancy them like I fancy guys and I definitely wouldn't want a relationship with a girl. The thing is, I have had this ongoing fantasy for years that I want to go down on another girl, and lately it's getting a bit ridiculous. I think about it so many times a day, I have an unbelievable urge to do it and it's really distracting me from work, time with my bf, etc.

I'm happy enough with my sex life, my bf is great in bed but I wish he was more adventurous. He knows about my fantasy but he doesn't know how obsessed with it I am. I have many vivid dreams about sex with girls and I always cum in my sleep. He sometimes notices this and asks me about my dream the next morning and I tell him the truth but he never asks me to elaborate, even though I know a lot of guys would love to know all the details! I've suggested a threesome with another girl a few times but he's said he'll never do it.

It's getting more and more out of hand. This is REALLY embarrassing but my bf and I went to meet up with his friends (a couple) who just moved into a new house at the weekend. It was just the 4 of us and we were back in their house after being out and we were all pretty p*ssed and stoned. I haven't smoked hash in years and it really hit me and my mind was just all over the place. I'd never met the couple before but I was just sitting there fantasizing about the girl and what I'd do to her. I was going through all these scenarios in my head, like hoping that the guys would fall asleep and we'd be left up on our own and maybe something would happen....I was mortified the next day when I woke up sober and remembered the thoughts I was having.

I just really really feel that I need to get this out of my system. I love my boyfriend so much and can imagine spending my life with him but I also would love to experience being with another girl, my urge to do it is just taking over all my thoughts! I have been considering lately that I might try and meet a girl on a dating site or something just for a one night stand. Does anyone have any advice on what I should do? I know this is a bit unusual but any comments will be welcomed!

TheDollyParton

I have the same fantasy but your desire to act on it seems a lot more intense than mine. I find that if I'm in a gay bar (with male gay friends) I definitely spend a significant amount of the night thinking about it, but beyond that and my own private time it doesn't really interfere with my thoughts.

If you genuinely think this is going to serve as a distraction for you until you act on it then maybe you should try the random hook up thing. Once you've done that however, if the desire is still as strong then I think you probably need to make changes in your life as at the end of the day, you are either able to be monogamous or you're not. I don't know if this is good advice, but it's the best I can give.

Oh The Humanity

I think most women have dirty thoughts about other women on occasion. Yours sound a bit stronger though.

Tbh most blokes would wet themselves with exitement at the thoughts of their girl messing with another girl and/or even wanting a threesome, I know my fella wouldn't have to be asked twice.

Why dont you discuss it with him when you are sober, sound him out and see if he would be open to allowing you to experiment....

ManOfMystery

You sound like you almost expect your boyfriend to be aroused/excited by the thought of some possible lesbian action going on in front of him. That's a bit unfair - not all men find it appealing. Personally speaking, watching two girls together does nothing for and I've never seen the appeal of it.

And if you're going to have a one night stand, it's cheating on your boyfriend whom you profess to love. It doesn't matter if its with a female, or if it's experimentation - it's still cheating.

It just sounds like one huge fantasy but one that isn't going to work within the confines of your relationship. You need to decide whether its more important to be happy with your bf or to pursue this fantasy, as it doesn't appear you can have both. And bear in mind, a lot of fantasies are best left at that - fantasies. The reality can be somewhat different. Look how many couples have had threesome fantasies, only to find themselves arguing over it afterwards when feelings kick in.

Snowie

You can't push feelings thuaghts out of your mind that makes them more apprent...
except them as thaughts, your aloud to feel what ever you want then theyl disapear...

bluecell99

Hi there,

well it certainly sounds as if the fantasy is a bit stronger than the norm as others have said and if the urge is interfering with your day to day life - including that with your b/f -then its time to take stock.

Most people can keep the fantasy in their head and use it to spice things up a bit occasiionally when with their partner.If it goes beyond that then I think sexuality is coming into play.Perhaps you are bi sexual and keen to try that aspect of your life.Before you do though its only fair to remember the other half and what he would say or think.Maybe monogamy is not for you at this stage?Maybe you could try it and dislike it so much it will end your fantasy there and then or maybe you will be genuinely happy as someone sexually involved with women.Only you can decide though.

For what its worth, anyone similar in the past that I have know,male or female,who suppressed sexual activity or expression ended up paying a heavy ,emotional price and bitterly regretted not acting sooner and trying to get a stable life .

LegacyUser

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

Why dont you discuss it with him when you are sober, sound him out and see if he would be open to allowing you to experiment....

OP here...I have discussed it with him sober, and it's pretty much a closed subject with him so I don't want to push it!

LegacyUser

ManOfMystery wrote: »

You sound like you almost expect your boyfriend to be aroused/excited by the thought of some possible lesbian action going on in front of him. That's a bit unfair - not all men find it appealing. Personally speaking, watching two girls together does nothing for and I've never seen the appeal of it.

And if you're going to have a one night stand, it's cheating on your boyfriend whom you profess to love. It doesn't matter if its with a female, or if it's experimentation - it's still cheating.

It just sounds like one huge fantasy but one that isn't going to work within the confines of your relationship. You need to decide whether its more important to be happy with your bf or to pursue this fantasy, as it doesn't appear you can have both. And bear in mind, a lot of fantasies are best left at that - fantasies. The reality can be somewhat different. Look how many couples have had threesome fantasies, only to find themselves arguing over it afterwards when feelings kick in.

OP again, thanks for your post, it kind of put into words what I'm feeling deep down. Firstly, I don't expect him to get turned on by 2 girls, just because he's a guy! I guess it was a bit pointless for me to say the line about him not being turned on, I really said it to show that threesomes or the likes are a no-go area!

I know that cheating is cheating, no matter who it's with. And your last paragraph is right...I am very happy in my relationship and it is a lot more important to me than my fantasy. I should really be focusing on him instead of thinking of other girls. I think I'm probably better off just trying to forget about it.

LegacyUser

bluecell99 wrote: »

Hi there,

well it certainly sounds as if the fantasy is a bit stronger than the norm as others have said and if the urge is interfering with your day to day life - including that with your b/f -then its time to take stock.

Most people can keep the fantasy in their head and use it to spice things up a bit occasiionally when with their partner.If it goes beyond that then I think sexuality is coming into play.Perhaps you are bi sexual and keen to try that aspect of your life.Before you do though its only fair to remember the other half and what he would say or think.Maybe monogamy is not for you at this stage?Maybe you could try it and dislike it so much it will end your fantasy there and then or maybe you will be genuinely happy as someone sexually involved with women.Only you can decide though.

For what its worth, anyone similar in the past that I have know,male or female,who suppressed sexual activity or expression ended up paying a heavy ,emotional price and bitterly regretted not acting sooner and trying to get a stable life .

OP again, just saw this post. I don't actually fantasize about girls when I'm in bed with my partner. It would be hard for me to compare the fantasy to when I'm actually with my bf...if that makes sense? What I mean is, if my bf is going down on me for instance, I never imagine anyone else but him. I've no interest in a girl going down on me, I'm the one who wants to do all that to her!

I don't know if I'm bisexual, bicurious definitely. Sometimes I wonder if monogamy really is for me but that's a different issue altogether. I do love my boyfriend and I want to stay with as long as possible, so as I said in my last post maybe the best thing to do is to push it out of my mind for the time being. My bf has had bad experience with ex gfs who have ruined his confidence in the bedroom so maybe when we've been together longer and explored more fantasies together I might bring it up again.

Thanks for all your replies

Craft25

As a male:

Fantasy thoughts of girlfriend introducing a little hottie for some threesome action equals hottest thing in the world, super sexy base animal instinct pleasure.

Thoughts about the reality and what way it may go wrong..ie. the girl i love decides she's needs a label 'lesbian' and decides to leave me & i end up without the person i love and who i like to spend my life with = horror scary fearful thoughts.. run away, quick run away..

I would like to think with the right girl, and with loads and loads and loads of communication & reassurance beforehand that it would be worth taking the risk..

Question: Would you be happy to take home some complete randomer for the threesome or would it be some friend you're interested in??? 'Cos again i would feel alot safer if she introduced a stranger or at least more distant person, where it would remain purely physical.

mysterious

Notions of been truly gay or straight on the scale, is proving to be false. Everyone has at one stage had between thoughts. It's human nature.


Its a desire you have, if you feel you can't get rid of these thoughts, then you must ask yourself why your thinking these thoughts and what you really want.

If it's bothering you this much, face the fear, and have a fling with a girl. it will put all your doubts, inhibitions, fears to rest. You will either say you like it or not. So you will know. Therefore it should calm you down.

Terodil

mysterious wrote: »

If it's bothering you this much, face the fear, and have a fling with a girl. it will put all your doubts, inhibitions, fears to rest. You will either say you like it or not. So you will know. Therefore it should calm you down.

OK, but you need to end your relationship with your bf first if you want to go through with this. It's not like this is simply trying out another flavour of ice cream. Living out your fantasy, even once, is cheating.

Also, think about this some more. You sound unsure, almost defaitist when you say that you want to stay with him as long as possible. Please don't string him along if you think that you'll end up bi/lesbian. If you devour yourself with the wish of going down that route then be honest to yourself and him and tell him that you're not for a monogamous, long-term relationship (at this point in time).