Accidental girlfriend

LegacyUser

Ok gotten myself into a bit of a mess.around 2 or 3 months ago me and my female house mate got drunk and slept together, this then sporadically happened whenever we where both drunk/horny. When we moved in together (about june last year) both of us were seeing people and so it never even crossed our minds anything like this would happen. As it happens both of us broke up with relative partners and then had a string of bad rebound relationships. We're very close friends anyways and so that closeness kind of led to us curled up on the couch once or twice which led to kissing and so forth.
The thing is after about a month and a half I realised that this was a really bad idea and tried to put an end to it but whenever we got drunk it would happen again. So I stopped drinking/socialising at all to try curb this.
This led to her saying shes now worried about me cos i'm becoming very anti social. So we had a talk about it and we agreed to leave it go as much as possible and avoid it. Thing is this doesnt seem to have gotten through to her as she became even more attached and has stated on several occasions that if i wanted to go for it she'd be my girlfriend and at first we agreed to not get with anyone else infront of each other or bring home anyone which turned quickly into dont get with anyone at all.
Thing is after my last few relationships the last thing i want is a girlfriend. I dont associate being in a relationship with anything good and I'm so much more productive when i'm on my own. The long and the short of it is shes getting closer and closer which is making me panic more and more and shes now asking me to not get with anyone else (which if I'm honest I wouldnt be doing anyway) but it's the principle of the thing. Someone who your sleeping with/sharing a roof with/socialising with and who would rather you not sleep with someone else is a girlfriend. I'm 25 and spent several years previous living with a girlfriend and I dont want to go back to that, I've gotten to like my freedom (read that as freedom to get up when I like/do what I like without having to ok it with someone, this isn't a 'I want the freedom to screw around' thing)
she's moving country in september and so this is a finite thing but I also dont want to get attached to someone who's moving. There's just a million and a half reasons to not do this but i can't seem to get out of it. If I just stop she starts asking whats wrong which turns into a conversation about it which all goes out the window next time were both drunk. Also I made myself the promise after the last girl that I wouldnt go out with anyone else unless they where going to be someone I could see myself being with for awhile and this is just not that, but what if I met that girl between now and september and I couldnt do anything about it.
It's such a mess.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Or have any advice other then 'just lay it on the line'

MIN2511

Move out?


There is no easy one out of it, moving out will sort things immediately

Bottle_of_Smoke

You say she's moving to another country. Hope for your sake that's written in stone. She's probably considering staying.

Move out. If she objects bring a girl back some night. She needs to cop on. Your pathetic behaviour is being backed up by her pathetic behaviour - break the circle.

estar

my initial thoughts are that you went out with someone controlling and are now panicing. i most definitely dont tell mr estar when to get up / what to do on a regular basis really. i particularly wouldnt have been doing that when under the age of 25. this is an advertisement for not living with people under the age of 28 if you ask me. what you really need is more friends and social outlets and less girlfriend for the moment if you ask me.

stop taking dating so seriously. of course if you get with the girl you live with its going to seem more serious from the start as you see them all the time. but theres nothing wrong with seeing someone at your age, and it not being forever, just hanging around with them, having a bit of company. you are a bit too young to see dating this way, and a lot of girls your age wont be thinking like this anyway.

maybe she just wants some company until she goes away. have you ever thought this could be the natural end.

id say you are a person that gives away so much of themselves and their time that they end up lost in a relationship. it doesnt have to be this way, and you have control over it.

stopping drinking because you cant so no to this girl, if you dont generally have a problem drinking is a silly immature response. just dont do it! it isnt fair to take your lonliness out on someone else IF they see things more seriously than you do.

she has no right to ask you not to be with other people in front of her. you have allowed the boundaries of this relationship to get all over the place and now you feel guilty.

this is a powerful learning curve for you. but you havent learned all the lesson yet. the trick is not to jump in too deep at the begining and panic.
what on earth do you expect the girl to think if you curl up and cuddle on the sofa on a regular basis?

move out, thats the first move. consider dating this girl properly and learn how to have free time and freedom in a relationship in a nice way by saying, NO in a nice way more often and standing up for yourself.

ie - I really think im able to know when i should get up darling. i deserve a lie in and will get my stuff done when i need to, followed by - we can do something tomorrow together.

ie - no i dont want a relationship means no when i sober and no when drunk.

if i were you id apologise to this girl set her straight, move out, and keep her as a friend. as at the end of this story if it continues in this vein is no frienship with her and no relationship.

if you want your life back because of your actions, and want an easy life, move out. stop blaming other people for why things arent going your way (accidental girlfriend?????? - boy who doesnt know how to say no, and constantly changes his mind more like) and see that you determine what happens to you in your interactions with other people more often than not by how you REACT

estar

like its all happening to you.

ownknee

Move out NOW!
I can guarantee she is picturing the two of you holding hands & living a lovey dovey life. It would be completely different if she hadn't mentioned that she wouldn't mind being your girlfriend, but come on, what do you think she's trying to tell you? That she doesn't really like you?
And anyway if the two of you continue on like this & she decides not to travel who do you think will get the sh*te when things don't work out?
The answer is YOU!
Get out while you can & hopefully remain friends with her but don't string her along.
Not saying you're stringing her along but when it comes to it thats the story that will be told if things go belly up.

sardineta

I acquired one of those, once. I had to pretend I was leaving the country as everytime I tried to break up with her, the tears and the wailing would start. Don't let it get that far.

yellowcurl

Move out dude, nothing good will come from staying there. Clearly you're not happy living with her, would you prefer to live by yourself for a while?

MagicMarker

Hardly accidental is it?

Learn some self control ffs. Tell her you don't want a relationship and then follow through on it.