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Tiger Kidnappings: lucrative business venture, or harmless fun?

  • 02-03-2009 5:19pm
    #1
    dublinario
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 633 ✭✭✭


    I saw an article on the Channel 4 news about our latest Tiger Kidnapping. The segment was prefaced with an explanation of what a Tiger Kidnapping is. Seemingly, it doesn't happen across the water, yet Ireland have them almost weekly. Why is this? Considering it is a largely victimless crime (all the victims notwithstanding), you'd think its popularity would have crossed seas? Especially with such a cool name. If they were called Platypus Kidnappings, I could appreciate the failed growth.

    I'm also disgusted that these latter day Robin Hoods are being vilified in the press. They steal from the rich and give to the violent. Was that not the great moral creed of Sherwood Forest? And is not my enemy's enemy my friend? The bank is clearly my enemy, so forgive me if I applaud these brave, sawn-off shotgun wielding recession poets. Labelling a man who would wave the barrel of a gun into the face of a frightened child -- for money, remember -- as some kind of psychopath, is a sad indictment of our sensationalist media culture.

    It amazes me that nobody has thought of franchising the concept into the British market. For 250 quid, the franchiser could provide the franchisee with a length of rope, duct tape, two Balaclavas (90% cotton, one size fits all), a lead pipe, an instruction manual on how to cleanly break the nose of the most shrill panicky female (thereby disseminating quiet among the hostages), and a phrasebook of effective threats (e.g. "I'll f*ckin murderize yi if yi don't bleedin stop cryin", and "either you shut tha kid up, or I'll bleedin shut the lorra yis up."


Comments

  • #2
    stovelid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 27,252 ✭✭✭✭stovelid


    Wasn't the recession supposed to have put paid to the use of 'Tiger' metaphors?


  • #3
    dublinario
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 633 ✭✭✭dublinario


    I think the economy actually sunk upon the weakness of the tiger metaphor. I mean, a tiger isn't even a lion. The Lion Economy, for all we know, might still be soaring like a winged locomotive, with house prices still ever-rising year-upon-year until a nice comfy soft-landing sometime around the year 3000.

    The second we get out of this slump, I propose we rename the new bubble The T-Rex Economy, or something as ambitious. Or, The Unburstable Bubble. If our economy was christened The Unburstable Bubble, nothing could ever go wrong.


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