Break?

LegacyUser

Goin Unregged for this one.

Basically, i'm 21, going out with the girlfriend for 4 years or so now. Love her to bits, and we've had our ups and downs but got thru them.

About two and a half years ago, we broke up, or a "break" as some call it. I was in college at the time, and ended up sleeping with someone else. About two weeks after this, myself and the ex decided to give it another go. She knew i kissed this other girl, but didnt know anything else, so i came clean and told her. At the time she wasnt too impressed.

More or less the same thing happened about 9 months ago. We "broke up", and i ended up sleeping with a work collegue. Again, after a month or so we decided to give it another go. I came clean and told her what happened. Again, she wasnt impressed.

Now, during these breaks, she kissed a few guys, but nothing else, which i have no problem with.

My attitude to this is "well, we were not together, maybe i should not have slept with those girls, but we were not together at the time".

She thinks that i should not have slept with them because we had only just broke up. I understand where she comes from, and if i went back to those times, i probably wouldnt do it again.

Now everytime something comes up related to college or where i used to work, she throws in these two girls. It really annoys me.

My question is, is she right
A - in her attitude to the other girls when we were broke up?
B - is it right for her to keep bringing the incidents up, even after 9 months?

Any comments appreciated.

shellyboo

Unregistered wrote: »

My question is, is she right
A - in her attitude to the other girls when we were broke up?
B - is it right for her to keep bringing the incidents up, even after 9 months?

Any comments appreciated.

She's not right in a logical sense in her attitude, but I don't see how she can adjust her attitude. I would not be impressed if my bf slept with someone else, break or no break. It wouldn't sit well with me, and while I'd have to let it go for the sake of the relationship, there's no way I could be anything other than annoyed about it.

However, she shouldn't still be keeping on at you about it. She needs to deal with the problem, she can't be throwing it back in your face all the time. Talk to her about it - I would apologise (I know that technically you did nothing wrong, but you have hurt her) for hurting her, but make it clear that what you did was in the past, you didn't intend to hurt her, and her bringing it up all the time is unfair on you.

beth-lou

While I can understand her feeling, you were on a break and if she can't let it go, then she shouldn't have gotten back with you. It will just keep rearing it's ugly head if it isn't forgiven or forgotten.

Who instigated the break each time?

That_Guy

Honestly if you were on a break then I personally see nothing wrong in sleeping with someone else. You're technically not together so there's nothing stopping either of you to have done something with other people.

It's not exactly fair that either of you should not go out and see other people because there's no guarantee when or if the relationship is going to happen again. There's no sense in either of you being strung along by one another if one of you knows they may not want to continue the relationship.

I know that it might feel weird for her that you've done these things but you were honest and open about it and for her to continuously bring your past experiences back up isn't really fair either.

Redpunto

anybody else thinks this sounds like Friends...

BUT WE WERE ON A BREAK

Shes pissed and she has every right to be pissed - you shouldnt have done it (which you admitted) and to do it twice???

BUT if shes want the relationship to work she'll have to let it go.

Sounds like the relationship might be too much hard work - it shouldnt be that hard, especially at your age, it should be fun and enjoying each others company.

Frankly if she can't handle the truth then don't tell her. If you werere not in a relationship then you had no responsibilities to her regardless of the time frame.

Liam Byrne

Redpunto wrote: »

you shouldnt have done it

Where do the "break rules" say that ?

Annie Bananie

I understand her and that she is not impressed, I would not be either.

However, you werent together and you did not have any obligations to her. And she was happy enough to go off and kiss other guys. A bit double standards there on her part it seems to me.

I think you did absolutely right in telling her you slept with these women. You have been nothing but honest, which you have to be in a successful relationship (in my opinion).

She has to let it go though. I will generalise now and say "us girls" are very good at dragging up old things from the past (myself incuded even though I hate myself when doing it). If she took you back, I think she needs to let it go.

loloray

Yes Redpunto, it does remind me of Friends, however I disagree that the OP should not have done that.

If he and his gf were broken up, then he had every right do do whatever he wanted. Hell, she kissed other guys. OP, even though I would not expect her to like it, IMO, it's her tough. It is not fair to expect to be able to 'control' someone you are not even going to go out with. It's ridiculous for her to throw it back in your face. I imagine you have paid enough for what you have done, and she needs to get over it, to be frank.

This obviously won't be helped if you are frank with her - but I think you maybe need to sit her down and explain that you weren't together, there was no agreement you were not allowed to be with other people. Remind her of what she did, she was not loyal to you (not that she needed to be, if you were 'on a break'). Failing that, remind her of Friends.