Lonely

Xylophonic

At the moment I feel really lonely, I'm 20 years old and my family (mother, 2 brothers and sister) have just moved to Longford Town. In moving here I gave up a job which while dead end, I was actually enjoying.

I find it difficult to make friends, as mostly I am very shy, but once I relax and let my guard down, I am very likeable and quite funny (so I've been told). At the moment my best friend is probably my 8 year old sister! I don't drink often and so I don't go out often.

Most people on first opinion think I am a skanger or scumbag. When in fact I couldn't be anymore different to them. I actually listen to rock music and I guess my interests/hobbies are not the best for meeting girls.

I have never had a girlfriend and for the forseeable future I never will. I've been on one 'date' which went disasterously. When my debs came around I decided to ask one of my neighbours as she was one of my friends, she said no, but within a week or two she asked me if I wanted to 'meet' one of her friends. At first we just talked over MSN and because I was to afraid of asking her, I just went alone. Around 4 months later I asked her if she would like to go out sometime, she said yes, but nothing ever came of it, I decided to give it another go 2 or 3 months later, she againsaid yes but then told me that she now had a boyfriend and that she felt bad for agreeing to go with me as she couldn't, I accepted her apology but I was a bit upset. She then set me up on the disastorous date with another girl who I actually got on with, the following I was supposed to go to her debs with her, I did but I sort of had a pseudo-panic attack, clammed up and never really spoke to anyone or did anything, I now try to block out memories of that night, as I found it (amd still do) as very damaging for my confidence. The following day whilst trawling through bebo making sure I was not in any photos, I noticed how 2 or 3 of the lads of the group I was in made very disparaging comments about me. This greatly affected me as I have since then become very paranoid at any type of scoial event I attend.

What also never helped my social standing was that my first job was in a coffee shop, preparing the food, which some perceived as girly, but the kicker was that my mam was the boss, this was when I was 18. She offered me the job as she saw it as a way of getting me to interact with people and slowly but surely build up my confidence. When I left the job at Christmas I had regained some confidence but since then I ahve been unable to get a job, a course or get back into college, this has left me sitting at home and basically I can feel my self confidence go away and my shy murmurring self, reappear.

This Saturday I am supposed to attend one of my best friends 21st's in Dublin, at the time I was happy to agree to go, but now I am having second doubts and don't know if it's worth the hassle of getting decent clothes and what not. My plan which probably won't go according to plan is to drink before I go so I might be relaxed and won't freeze up at the 21st.

I don't really know what I want from posting this, I guess it's just good to type it and get it off my chest.

allybhoy

Hmm, seem to have a few self confidence issues. im sure other boards posters will give you good advice, But everyone suffers from a lack of self-confidence at one time or another in their lives, especially when your younger.

My own advice would be firstly to stop looking backward and to look forwards, I mean your debs was probably 2 years ago, everyone has regrets about things in the past and all you can do is move on and learn from them, no point in constantly thinking about things that happened years ago. Sure I think the girl that I brought to my debs went off with one of my mates, when I look back now I laugh. Do those lads who left the comments even know the first thing about you? No, so fck them. Will you ever see them again? Probably not. Would you want to be friends with lads like that anyways? No, so why even give them the time of day.

Go to your mates party who knows you might meet a hot girl ! You talk of having a plan? What's the Plan? Id be weary of "having a plan" tbh. Its only a party, just go, have a laugh and a few drinks and try to enjoy yourself. No harm in maybe having a drink or two beforehand to help you relax if your not good in social situations but DONT GET HAMMERED before the party as if you do something embarrasing it may come back to haunt you (trust me ive been there). You say you cant get into college or get a job and thats unfortunate, but have you tried to apply for a FAS course? At least it will get you out of the house until you can enrol for college next semester. If your lack of self confidence is perhaps from your physical appearance then why not join a gym? It would get you out of the house and its also a good way to make friends and meet girls and a membership shouldnt cost a lot.

As for having no luck with the opposite sex, well thats probably because you dont have much interaction with them, but trust me once you start going to college and socials etc there be loads of time for girls, FFS your only 20 man! Until then, try to stop thinking about what other people think of you and keep your head held high and your chin up.... good luck

steod

Well i would go to your friends 21st , even if the prevailing feeling is not to go. I have been in this position many times and if you can make the effort to go you will feel better for it afterwards. As for the worrying about what people think/say about you i remember only to well what that horrible self contiousness feels like.
Especially for someone aged 20 but i can only say as you get older you honestly dont give a fcuk what other people think of you.
I would concentrate getting back into college though if possible a great chance to meet people with similar interests to yourself,increase your circle of friends and so on.
Writing these feelings down and expressing them in any way is a positive step towards making yourself feel better.

Xylophonic

Your right, I do dwell on the past two often.

I applied for 3 seperate FÁS courses, 2 were already full, where as the other one does not begin until April. I hadn't really a detailed plan, I was just going to have a drink or two before hand, so i wouldn't be as nervous when I get there. I do seem to have a big paranoia problem, with regards to what people think of me.

I have applied to go back to college through the CAO. Hopefully I get in, but I have to wait until September. Thanks guys for the advice.