Need advice on possible mental illness

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,
Having major issues with my mother and finding it next to impossible to get help for her so I'm hoping maybe someone here might be able to give some advice. Apologies in advance for the length of this post.

Just to note, I'm aware I have my own issues and if I come accross as an ass in any of this I don't need to be told, I find it hard to express myself and talk about issues like this.

My ma is 52 and for the best part of my life she been battling drink and cocktails of different meds over the years. She comes from a very well off family BUT they have alot of skeletons in their closet which have come out over the years and I'm sure there's plenty more to come

My dad is still around to his testament as he's put up with her **** and her families **** and me and my sisters teenaged years ****. He's a good guy and does love her. He's never beat me or my sister and as far as I know has never beaten my ma. He has had to restrain her, as have I on more then 1 occassion (this is all relevant later)

Background:

My Ma was born about 4 months early and weighed next to nothing, obviously she didn't fully develop so she's a bit different when it comes to her internal anatomy. Her internals are mal rotated as this is part of foetal development that didn't occur, or so that's my understanding of it. (This is also relevant later on)

Her father was a very well known GP, as far as I remember was a lovely man who died when I was 13. Over the years I've found out he had a very dark side to him and constantly beat my grandmother and had my ma and her 2 sisters watch as he did it going as far as to holding a knife to her neck saying he was going to kill her blah blah blah. Supposidly it all started after my grandmother had 2 still born boys before my eldest aunt was born and he held my grandmother responsible for this. Ofcourse the after these "episoodes" nothing would be said, discussed anything, they just got on with their day to day business until it would happen again. This is very similar to my mother, she's all about keeping up appearances and will just deny anything is wrong the next day.

My grandmother, who we just buried last week after 5 years of her going through Alzheimers with my mother and eldest aunt baring the brunt visiting her all the time while my fat pig ****ing middle aunt lived in Canada and only came home to find out her cut of the will (sorry angry at that psycho). Again, I remember as her been a lovely old lady, She was a nurse but supposidly was extremely distant to my ma and her sisters in that she'd never get them ready or collect them from school or spend anytime with them unless my grandad was there.She was also allegedly OCD about everything in the house, if something got moved, dirty or anything like that the kids were blamed and scolded.

My other 2 aunts are also crazy (& alone), but yeah whats to be expected? I swear they're all a bit bipolar or something and have their parents values deeply rooted in them..

Anyways, when I was young I remember my ma been great, everyone loved her and she could do no wrong in my eyes but she had alot of health issues. She's had 3 children, all difficult births.
The 1st 1 was my brother when she and my Da were 18, I've never met him because they decided to give him up, it was an off the book adoption so we haven't been able to find him. This is sick because as I said my grand dad and my Nana were A gp and a nurse and they never new anything about it/just ignored it and have never spoke of it whatever I dont know about this part. Only her sister (the evil pig ****er whos then husband arranged the adoption) and my other nana (this all came out after we buried her 5 years back) acknowledge that this birth happened.

Then there's moi, the 2nd child, I was born a month premature, still weighed 7.5lbs all head, its monstrous She had to have a c-section and we were both extremely ill after it. I was like a month in the hospital or something like that!

Then there's my sister, she was also a c-section and was the easiest of the 3. After this ma had a hysterectomy which left her with a tastey big scar down her belly. So at this stage she was 28.

So it all seemed rosey for a few years because I was a bit of a happy space cadet of a kid and then my ma started to get ill when I was around 7. I can remember this because my birthday is at xmas and my ma ended up in hospital 4 b-days/X-mas's on the trot once she almost died, all her vitals crashed and they couldn't explain why but she recovered (physically anyway). After this she was never 100% right.

She started drinking on the sly and got hooked on medication they gave her from the hospital and this is when I remember her episodes starting and they've been on off ever since then. She's likes she's possessed rambling on from 1 of her stories to the next trying to get any of us to side with her. She screams for help that she's going to die then tells us to get away from her we beat her, you made me this way, I hate you all, tells us everything bad we've ever done and this is why she's like this. Ugh it's just mental and very hard for me to explain and they've gotten worse (not sure on if they're more frequent or not though) over the years. Me and my sister always use to ask my dad to leave her and take us with him when it was at it's worse.

Anyways, these episodes are all meshed over the years now and I really cant remember if they're more frequent now or back then. She can go months without a bother on her then out of nowhere the crazyness starts.
I had moved out and was away for 3 years but circumstances have me back at home for the past 2 years.

Oh yeah, all this time my ma was always working and she'd always seem to pull herself together for work. Not 1 ounce of crazyness...THEN my nana started deteriorating from the Alzheimers, my ma quit her job (around 4 years ago) to look after her and the situation got worse and more frequent.

So anyways it's been going on but she would never agree to do anything about it and the situation is still the same 14 years later up til last September when My Ma was away in France with my sister and had a stroke. Luckily it was only minor and she again recovered physically. My da had to go over and stay with her for a couple of weeks.
The same week this happened I lost my job so when she got home I was in the position to look after her and help her out. She was grand at first, it seemed like the stroke was a kick up the arse and she wasn't drinking or taking anything bar her meds she was told to take.

This lasted about 3 weeks and out of nowhere she went full blown crazy, never seen anything like it, these episodes would only usually last half a day. Altogether this went on for 2 days or so. Myself and my Dad managed to get her down to the GP who gave us a prescription for tranqs (cant remember what they were called, librium I think) to help sedate her and stopping her crave drink. She took the prescription and ripped it up as soon as she was out of the Dr's office and my dad lost it and walked out on her.
This resulted on her downing a load of pills trying to kill herself and having to go to beaumont. My dad came back and she recovered again. So anyways she went on librium and was told she had to stay off the booze before her mental state would/could be assessed.

This was suppose to be for 3 weeks and she lasted about 4 days, all the ****e started again, she went on another rampage. Our GP told us to take her up to St. Etha's (sp?) but don't expect them to do anything because they wont take alcoholics/drug addicts allegedly even with his recommendation.
This is exactly what happened but just having her up there seemed to snap her out of it and she started acting rational again. She took the Dr's advice and started to see the psychiatrist/Psychologist (not sure which is which) and stopped drinking. This is the end of last September/October and she managed to stay off the drink til December. In this time she was offered her old job back, took it and she was much happier in herself.

Everything was grand until her and my da went away for a week in December and she flipped out again, made the 1st 4 of the 10 days away a living hell but then she was grand after that allegedly. They came home and she made a load of her promises that she'd go back for regualr psychiatrist appointments and finally admitted she NEEDS to stop drinking. She has never said that in her life. We thought this is major progress and it seemed to be again. That is until my nan died last week. My ma kept saying it was a blessing and she seemed to be taking it in her stride. Well what a difference a week makes, she has lost the plot altogether tonight and we have no idea what to do.

Also just note, my da has recently been laid off so is at home trying to figure out what to do and thats adding to my ma's stress, eventhough he's not a stressful guy.

I tried contacting mentalhealthireland a few times for advice over the past year but haven't got anywhere with them. Our Gp hasn't been a great avenue, I'm going to go see someone else tomorrow about it but am not holding my breath. I've no clue of how to deal with this.

I'm gonna stop here now as this has taken a long time to write with the content and my ma buzzing around the place. Finally think I got her to calm down though.

Sorry for the babbling/ranting,
Thanks!

Kevster

Hi,

What wasn't your GP helpful? Were you completely honest with him/her?; and who was the 'someone else' that you saw?

Ammm, anyway, I think that you should recognise that your parents are not your responsibility. You CAN separate yourself from them and move on with your own life. While this might not seem 'moral', it could be the only way that you find release/happiness in your life.

Kevin

anniehoo

Your story has hit a raw nerve with me OP and i fell so sorry for you and the horrendous situation you've found yourself in! The main advice i can give you is try and go to a GP recommended by a mental health association. Believe me i know how frustrating it is when doctors dont listen. You need to get your mother some serious professional help. Unfortunately, it sounds like she has some kind of (and i hate using the term) schizophrenic type illness that can only and has to be only treated by professionals.

If your parents refuse to get help you need to walk away for your own sanity trust me. This will be a never ending vicious circle for you if you dont.

yaya*

OP, firstly I just want to say that I can't imagine what you're going through -it all sounds incredibly tough and yet, here your are, making arrangements to see someone tomorrow etc and asking for advice here -fairplay.

Secondly, although I have no experience of mental health problems to the degree that you are discussing, I do have a relative who has ongoing mental health problems - as someone else has posted, don't let one cr*p GP put you off - there are GPs who have more experience with mental health than others and so, would be able to point you in a more productive direction.

Best of luck, let us know how you get on

aare

Not somewhere I would usually suggest, but I have a feeling it might be your Mum's best chance right now:
http://www.cuanmhuire.ie/

If she goes in she will:

• Have all medical and psychiatric resources available
• Be under constant supervision
• Be one among equals (rather than the center of attention)
• Be away from everything else in her life, which seems to be full of triggers for her
• Have her days structured

It seems to me that the rest of you could use a break too...

I don't know how they run things these days, but in the past you only had to turn up and knock on the door to be admitted...perhaps best to call first though?

Good luck...

sammyv

Hi OP, holy crap, you have being going through a rough time. Fair play to you for being so pro-active.
You mum seems to have a good family network around her, ie, you and your dad. I think from your post you said you had another brother or was it a sister..anyway, do they help in any way? because seem seem to take on alot of the responsibility.
You mum definately does need urgent medical help, she really has to be signed in somewhere, you have done all you can, GP's are ok for mild depression, but your mum is alot more serious...which im sure you know by now. These 'episodes' are never going to go way completely until the root of the problem is sorted. You have said there is/was alot of problems in her family, and nothing much seemed to be talked about, im guessing this has had a major effect on your mums life.
Have her signed in somewhere, it will be so much better for her, and also so much better for you. You have to think about yourself during all this, i strongly recommend after you get your mum sorted, that you to go and speak to someone, as this will be affecting you too.

I hope you let us know how things are working out....take care x

Caoimhín

Christ OP, you poor thing, that sounds really though.

The only advice i can give you, for what it is worth, is to find a family doctor and tell him/her about the seriousness of the situation. The attempted suicide should be emphasised.
Sometimes doctors simply dont have time to deal with these things and prefer to simply write a prescription and be done with it.

sam34

anniehoo wrote: »

Unfortunately, it sounds like she has some kind of (and i hate using the term) schizophrenic type illness that can only and has to be only treated by professionals.

that is such dodgy and irresponsible advice, throwing out the term schizophrenia when there is no evidence to suggest that is what teh OP's mother has.

schizophrenia is quite different to what has been described by the OP here.

Orls81 wrote: »

You mum definately does need urgent medical help, she really has to be signed in somewhere
Have her signed in somewhere

signing sopmeone in somewhere is a very big step to take. you are literally depriving someone of their liberty.

its not always appropriate either.

and also, it may not be possible legally. there are very strict criteria laid down in law that have to be met before someone can be signed into hospital. im not going to speculate on whether the OPs mother meets these criteria or not. but its not just a matter of a family deciding it needs to be done and then going getting it done.GPs are entitled to refuse to recommend this course of action if they see fit, as are the psychiatrists at the hospital.

OP- you need to have an open and frank discussion with a GP.

sammyv

well that was just my opinion.
I didnt claim i was a specialist in this field.

Dizzyblonde

OP it sounds as though you're taking on way too much responsibility here. What is your dad doing about all this? He's really the one who should be talking to doctors etc.
Unfortunately your mother can't be helped until she admits she has a problem and is willing to change, because up to now it sounds as though she's tried to stop drinking just to please others. It's sad but sometimes people have to reach rock bottom in order to want to change. If you're fussing around her and looking after her you may be just enabling her to continue as she is.
In my opinion you need to take a step back and look after yourself. Also, you're young -- get out and enjoy life a bit.

RossFixxxed

As wibbs said you cannot possibly diagnose something on the Internet. You should try yourself you'll have everything known to man!

OP all I can do is reitereate what's being said. You need to distance yourself slightly and get on with your life. You also need to involve professionals. Find a good GP and have a VERY open and frank discussion with him immediately. You can't carry all this weight around yourself!

Good luck.
R