Single Mom - Well kinda - ITS A MESS

LegacyUser

Hi,

I am a single Mom, about 4 years ago, i met a guy i work with really liked him, but i ended up witha different guy at the branch, as the first seemed uninterested. now 4 years on i have been in 2 relationships that havent worked out, and i now have a little boy by the last guy.

We broke up around a year ago after the baby was born and we hate each other.

He stays in my house 3-4 times a week, i do his washing etc and we work shifts, we cant stand eachother and i want him out. but need him to look after the little boy.

about 4 months ago i seen the first guy who i liked years ago ( they uninterested guy ) delighted to see him, really nice guy.

so i contacted him the day after and we ended up going for drinks, he hasn't changed a bit, i told him i had a little boy and about my relationships breaking up and how much of a mess it has all been, he didn't even flinch, he has remained the nicest guy ever, never judges, refuses to get into rows, even when some guy started on him, he just .... calmed him down and went on his way, he works alot and has a great job, really into his career,

he confessed to me that i have always been the one for him, but the way life has gone he never thought he would see me again " i have always compared every girl i have ever been with to you and no one has ever met the marked, what ever it is about your, you are my thing , what ever it is ur it " is what he said.

I know him really wel, he has always been really truthful throughout life and always the guy everone turns too.

We went out another nigth and we accidently met some of his friends, they were so nice, but i only have one problem with them , they love him, the girls jumped with delight when they seen him( 8 of them wrapped around him ) the male friends are like his brothers and they were delighted to see him too, his friends where really nice and the girls kept telling me i should get with him cause he is so good.

we ended up sleeping together ( because i wanted to and i craved him , he was more reluctant as he didt want to start something with me that would end up me gettin hurt as he made it clear from the start that he has always put off relationships so he can concentrate on his goals and career, and he didnt want to mess me around )

The father of my child found out, went crazy as i not been with anyone since him, he found out cause i told him in a arguement. and now he wants his head, i told the guy but as usual he has a cool head and told me not to fret,

My question is shoudl i continue to see this guy cause i am made about him, but i will be infecting him with my life of terror and fighting with my ex ? or should i just let him go like i did the first time? im confused , i dont want to loose him , but i dont want to destroy him either !!!! HELP

star-pants

Hey there - it does sound rather complicated.

Firstly - does your ex live with you or does he just stay a few nights? Why do you do his washing etc? Does he pay maintanence?

Secondly - this new guy has said that he doesn't want anything serious because he will always choose work/life goals over relationships yes? Is it wise to get involved with someone who you know will probably want out? Is he interested in sticking with you to see how things pan out (relationship wise)

Thirdly - I think you and your ex need to discuss things, as regards living arrangements and the fact that ye are separated (he may 'hate' you but doesn't want you with anyone else either) before you try and begin something with another guy

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

we ended up sleeping together ( because i wanted to and i craved him , he was more reluctant as he didt want to start something with me

The father of my child found out, went crazy as i not been with anyone since him, he found out cause i told him in a arguement.

My question is shoudl i continue to see this guy cause i am made about him,

A lot of this was initiated by you and like it or not your current situation is not resolved.The ex-staying in your place and not taking the child elsewhere has made it current.

The risk is if you go for this totally you risk what you have. It already my have changed because you told your ex while angry and this limits your options.

For new guy there is no risk as he has nothing to loose.

Lollipops23

CDfm wrote: »

A lot of this was initiated by you and like it or not your current situation is not resolved.

how do you know she initiated it?because she wanted him?doesn't mean she made the first move.

OP, first things first,you need to resolve the Ex situation. You both need boundaries for your sake and the sake of your baby. Him staying over/you cleaning up after him crosses these boundaries. how can either of you expect to move on with your lives(which you are totally within your rights to do) with you living in eachother's pockets.

CDfm

Lollipops23 wrote: »

how do you know she initiated it?because she wanted him?doesn't mean she made the first move.

OP, first things first,you need to resolve the Ex situation. You both need boundaries for your sake and the sake of your baby. Him staying over/you cleaning up after him crosses these boundaries. how can either of you expect to move on with your lives(which you are totally within your rights to do) with you living in eachother's pockets.

OP initiated the sex and told the ex.This has escallated events.

TheZohanS

Unregistered wrote: »

He stays in my house 3-4 times a week, i do his washing etc



he was more reluctant as he didt want to start something with me that would end up me gettin hurt as he made it clear from the start that he has always put off relationships so he can concentrate on his goals and career, and he didnt want to mess me around

Fistly you're still living with the father of your child, do his washing etc. you're practically still with him.

Before you start any new relationship you need to sort that out. I am not surprised he freaked, any guy would.

Secondly the new guy has already told you that he doesn't want to start anything with you, you had better just accept it.
Otherwise you'll be back here posting "why oh why did he use me?"

Nevyn

You can co habit with your co parent and do the washing and still have your own life and not be a couple but the boundaries and house rules have to be clear and you both have to be happy enough with the arrangements.

You are not happy with your co parent in your living space, yes you should have looked
at a way to sort this sooner but it was easier and it didn't stop you living you life.
But no you can see how it will and it's time to talk to your co parent and make some
hard decisions and choices.

What do you want in your life ?
What can you have in your life realistically ?

You should not hang on that guy hoping he will sweep you away to a better life
and a better realtionship. He may have just been the spark to get you to make
changes in you life, which is a good thing but don't expect him to feel what you do.

I understand the rush of emotions and relief that someone else found you intresting
and attractive who is not the father of your child and he is the first after that
relationship but he has given you clear messages that he does not want a relationship.

IF you both as mature adults wanted to occasionally date and have sex if it suited
you both and fitted into your busy lives then fair enough bit it sounds like you are
already far too emotionally attched due to what this guy represents to you.

Everyone makes mistakes, everyone deserves to be happy, you and your life is not ready
right now for you to have a new relationship you will have to sort you and your life out first.