no sex and dying to have sex!!!!!!!!!!!!

LegacyUser

in a relationship for nearly three years we have ups and downs mostly ups and then the odd row but we are great for each other, odd differences but very well suited otherwise. whats the problem you ask?

i have not had sex since last november and before that it was probably months aswell!!!

i want it and need it if the relationship is going to last and im kind of shy so no i havnt asked him whats going on and i know i should but i cant i dunno!! i dont think its that he doesnt find me attractive or anything because he's always telling me how nice i look etc usual stuff!!

im a just confused at this stage and worried because i find myself having a wandering eye, something that i despise but i cant help it. im worried i wont stay faithful much longer and i hate cheaters so i dont want to become one of them!

im not a very forward person (except when im anonymous on here of course!) what can i do? what should i do? any help appreciated!!!

Beruthiel

Unregistered wrote: »

i want it and need it if the relationship is going to last and im kind of shy so no i havnt asked him whats going on and i know i should but i cant i dunno!!!!

How is it possible to be in a relationship with someone for three years and not be able to ask for something?
There is no way around this one. You will have to sit him down and ask him what the problem is. Because, there is a problem and ignoring it will not make it go away.
Talk to him.

Miss Fluff

How has this come about? Has he spurned your advances or are you waiting for him to make a move?

And am in agreement with above, I find it shocking that after three years together you can't even sit down and discuss this with him.

Loxosceles

Unregistered wrote: »

in a relationship for nearly three years we have ups and downs mostly ups and then the odd row but we are great for each other, odd differences but very well suited otherwise. whats the problem you ask?

i have not had sex since last november and before that it was probably months aswell!!!

!

I've met a number of people in marriages where they are not having any sex whatsoever, but they insist that the person is too good for them to leave and there is too much invested in the relationship.

I've been there myself...as the libidinous other half who could not sit around waiting any longer. What I did not know at the time (and I could have possibly helped in retrospect) is that there is hormonal medication for OHs who have a very low sex drive.

For me, it would be impossible to have a sexless relationship with anyone; it's an essential nutrient. Unfortunately it also means that I'm single until I can find someone who can keep up with me. But for your OH, there are medical options to boost testosterone and increase the old morning libido.

Experimenting with Viagara was fun for myself and my former bf at one point as well; your OH might well be into it, at least the excuse of a neverending horn there for the enjoyment would be fairly airtight.

LegacyUser

we are able to discuss things and we are quiet talkative and open about anyhting that is bothering eachother just not when it would come to a PROBLEM with sex...good things is fine to talk about.

like i wouldn't be into experimenting with pills and i also don't think pills are the answer especially given we are so young he'd be popping them for rest of life and plus what of spontaneity i wouldn't want it to be lifeless "ok take your pill we're having sex".....

like we're only a young couple of 21 and 22 yrs of age so that makes it even more confusing plus we wouldn't be as well versed in the mature ways of dealing with things, even though i would count myself mature enough to call him out on it im just a bit anxious about it because as i said i wouldn't be the most forward person in the country.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Just talk to him. If you're goign to be with him long term you have to be able to talk about sex if its not happening

How long into the relationship did you notice the lack of sex? And previous to this, would it be a frequent event?

Your best option is to sit him down and discuss things openly. It is an incredibly hard topic to discuss (as it can be embarrassing), but at least he knows you have an issue with it.

Dudess

No sex since November and he not even discussing it with you - that seems to indicate a lot more than just a low sex drive. I would not be at all surprised if there was something underlying. Definitely talk to him - you shouldn't feel unable to talk to your boyfriend of three years about this just because you're a bit shy. Shyness shouldn't particularly affect an intimate relationship. And don't feel bad about your wandering eye - you have needs and that is simply how they are manifesting themselves at the moment.

Sex shouldn't be something you tip-toe around - it's a fundamental part of a relationship. It's bizarre he hasn't even initiated it since November.

LegacyUser

it was about a year ago i first noticed it we didnt have sex for few months then all was normal during summer and then none since end of summer to november then now none since then... it would've been fairly regular event before that like bearing in mind our living situation given were really young and wouldnt see each other everyday, so it wouldnt have been the easiest to get a place to come by but basically whenever we got the chance and often when we were risking it too. like so to go from that to this is fairly drastic!!!