new girl - but im taken

LegacyUser

ok heres the deal right

a few months back i started talking to this girl because we were meeting up due to an exchange the first night we talked for 7 hours straight on Hotmail messenger. we gelled instantly i really considered her a great friend eventhough at the time our relationship was virtual

we talked everyday all day up to recently when we finally met face to face. it was awkward at first but we soon chatty away as normal, ive really grown to like her and i have it on good authority that she likes me

i have a girlfriend of just under two years and our relationship has been somewhat unstable these last few months.

is it quite possible that some things are just meant to be? that this girl and i even though oceans apart have found each other? we talk all the time and conversation with my gf has become limited recently, we seem to fight a lot.

this is the dilemma the new girl is now great friends with my gf. i want to tell the new girl how i feel to see if she feels the same way but i dont want to ruin their friendship. myself and this new girl now only have a limited number of days left together before she departs for home, is it worthwhile telling her how i feel and maybe spark something for the future?

am i the only one who thinks its meant to be if we found each other from a distance of 5000 miles and instantly clicked.

all opinions welcome

thank you

Otis Driftwood

How did you come to meet her,ie did she come here to specifically meet you?
How did you introduce her to your GF?



Your post reads like its been since you have been talking to this new girl that your relationship with your GF has become strained.Were you unhappy with your GF before you got talking to this new girl.

A few more details wouldnt go astray.

LegacyUser

nedtheshed wrote: »

How did you come to meet her,ie did she come here to specifically meet you?
How did you introduce her to your GF?



Your post reads like its been since you have been talking to this new girl that your relationship with your GF has become strained.Were you unhappy with your GF before you got talking to this new girl.

A few more details wouldnt go astray.

ok i was sorta fine with my girlfriend but we were having small little fights every two weeks or so

she didnt come over specifically for me it was part of a group exchange

my gf is also on the exchange

Otis Driftwood

What it sounds like to me is that this new girl has been a quasi girlfriend to you the last few months.You have said you have spent countless hours talking and this generally is the way most new relationships start-you want to spend as much time as possible with the new partner(well,thats how it works for me anyway)

If you and your GF were constantly bickering then of course you are going to spend less time together which is where girl number 2 comes in,you are having relationship problems and there is this other person that you feel you can talk to for hours,with no arguments arising,plus she is in a different country so its safe.

Then the fly in the ointment of meeting her comes along.It sounds like you have idealised girl number 2 and thats whats confusing you because you have only seen the bright side to her.


Say you tell girl number 2 you are into her and she says something like "how can you tell me that,you have a GF for the last 2 years and she is a great person,nothing can ever happen between us"
Or on the other hand, you tell girl number 2 how you feel and she says she feels the same,what then?She is moving home,do you really want a long distance relationship?

My advice would be,let girl number 2 go home without telling her anything.
Sit down with your GF and look at your relationship,where ye are/going/want to be etc.You have to make the decision of staying with your current GF or not.If you arent happy in the relationship then its not fair on you or your GF.After you make that decision then decide what to do about girl number 2.
At the moment things are just too complicated for that IMO.

LegacyUser

thank you

any other suggestions would really help also

bluecell99

In my opinion you should sort out your present situation first before deciding or starting anything new.Sounds as if you are heading for the rocks and you have to ask yourself can it be saved and ,deep down,do you really want to?

If you cant answer a definite yes then its best to separate and take a bit of time.It could be the new girl is for you then again it could be just that she has(unwittingly) highlighted the shortcomings in your present set up.

Dont make any rash decision and let the other girl go homew without any committment on either side.If its meant to be then it will happen.

star-pants

nedtheshed wrote: »

My advice would be,let girl number 2 go home without telling her anything.
Sit down with your GF and look at your relationship,where ye are/going/want to be etc.You have to make the decision of staying with your current GF or not.If you arent happy in the relationship then its not fair on you or your GF.After you make that decision then decide what to do about girl number 2.
At the moment things are just too complicated for that IMO.

I agree - why would you say to girl #2 about how you feel when you've not even resolved things with your girlfriend? if girl #2 felt the same would you then leave your GF? and if she said no would you stay with your GF?
It's not like a job where it's safer to have your next one lined up for when you jump ship. These two things need to be separated, girl #2 is idolised in your eyes now, grass is greener etc. But in reality it could be all very different.
I suggest as ned does - leave girl 2 go, and have a good think about your GF&you, and if needs be, have a chat.

liger

It sounds like you've already decided that you and Girl#1 have no future. So brake up with her. Then you can judge the reaction of girl #2 when you tell her that the relationship ended. Then its up to you how long you want to wait before asking girl#2 how she feels about you or you telling her how you feel.

I'd say this, if you don't tell her at some stage you'll probably spend a lot of your life wondering what if.

LegacyUser

No matter how old or young you are there is nothing worse than being stuck in a relationship that is not right. With or without girl 2, it appears that your girlfriend is not the one for you. Be a man and be honest with her. If your relationship was healthy why would you be spending so much time hooking up with others on line? And then ask yourself, "if she was on msn for 7 hours to a guy how would you feel"? As much as it hurts you'd probably want to know the truth.

Aprilsunshine

You owe it to your gf to end it....even if you never try with the new girl, the fact that you feel like this means you do not see yourself with your gf longterm. Be fair and end it.

You only live once. Chance your arm with the girl but be discreet or as decent as possible about it. Your gf doesn't need it in her face.

Maybe end things and wait a while?