Too early to tell him ....

blondeambition

... "i love you" ?

We've only been going out over a month so i knows its early in the relationship but i've been dying to tell him i love him the last few days. Not to tell him I'm in love with him as I think thats a different thing totally.

Like this guy and feel overwhelmed to tell him how I feel but should I just keep it quiet as its so soon into the relationship and I'm not sure where he is on it? Would a guy flip out if he heard this and wasn't in the same place? :eek:

cowzerp

It could freak him out, could make or break you at this early stage-personally i'd keep the pressure off him for now and just enjoy the early stages of the relationship..

LegacyUser

Its never too early for saying that, if you truely have such an affection towards him just man the courage and let him know, i'm sure he will love to hear it

ManOfMystery

Some would say just tell him when you feel it's right, but IMO 4 weeks is a little too early ...... keep it to yourself for another while perhaps?

What age are you both, out of interest

blondeambition

cowzerp wrote: »

It could freak him out, could make or break you at this early stage-personally i'd keep the pressure off him for now and just enjoy the early stages of the relationship..

Ya thats what i thought too but just feel as I'm gonna blurt it out in the middle of a pint and he'd choke lmao

blondeambition

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Some would say just tell him when you feel it's right, but IMO 4 weeks is a little too early ...... keep it to yourself for another while perhaps?

What age are you both, out of interest

I'm 25 hes 29 so its not like we're kids

LegacyUser

blondeambition wrote: »

... "i love you" ?

We've only been going out over a month so i knows its early in the relationship but i've been dying to tell him i love him the last few days. Not to tell him I'm in love with him as I think thats a different thing totally.

Like this guy and feel overwhelmed to tell him how I feel but should I just keep it quiet as its so soon into the relationship and I'm not sure where he is on it? Would a guy flip out if he heard this and wasn't in the same place? :eek:

been in this situation myself a wee while ago....

You dont need to use the word 'Love'...why not say 'you're really smitten', 'I'm kinda crazy bout you' 'I'm ma about you' etc etc/...doesnt have to be 'love' just yet...may indeed freak him out...

star-pants

blondeambition wrote: »

I'm 25 hes 29 so its not like we're kids

This is true yer not kids - but... 4 weeks is a little bit early to be saying that (just that you don't know what way he'd take it) - he might think 'wow too much too fast' and you don't want to ruin what ye have.
I would suggest waiting a while before saying something like that (but that's just my opinion). And can you be sure it's love? that it's not just the initial 'I'm mad about you' phase?

If after a few months you still feel the same, you can tell him then?

cantdecide

What about 'I think I'm falling in love with you'??

Wibbs

Unregistered wrote: »

Its never too early for saying that, if you truely have such an affection towards him just man the courage and let him know, i'm sure he will love to hear it

I don't agree. I agree with cowzerp on this one, don't. It's too early. Now this is my opinion on it, other men may differ, but I was always extremely wary of women who said I love you too early. Personally I would be slow to say it, because it would be something that has built up over time and comes to a point where it feels the right time to say it. For the right reasons. I may have felt the possibility earlier, but realised it was infatuation built on unrealistic expectations. At four weeks, unless you know this guy for a good while before, you know a lot less about him as a person than you may think.

I'm also of the opinion that people(men and women) who say it too quickly are more often than not the type to fall out of love equally quickly. They have tended to be people who engage emotions without enough thought behind it. The jump in with both feet types. Fine if it happens to work out, but that can often be more luck than judgement. My experience in my own life and others has borne this out. As I say this is just me and I would tend to be cautious when making such a claim about something I consider this important, though I also know quite a few men who would be well freaked by this.

Miss Fluff

No need to tell him just yet imho, it is very early stages and personally I think it is a little too soon. Telling him now might put pressure on the relationship where there really shouldn't be any. Give it more time girl and just enjoy this great time.

LegacyUser

"i've been dying to tell him i love him the last few days. Not to tell him I'm in love with him as I think thats a different thing totally"


What do you think the difference is here? I think most people on hearing 'I love you' it means the same thing as 'I am in love with you'. Is it that you love spending time with him?

Whatever you are going to say, if you have a different meaning between both of these you might want to clarify at the time. 4 weeks in is still very much the honeymoon phase in a relationship.

MagicMarker

Unregistered wrote: »

Its never too early for saying that, if you truely have such an affection towards him just man the courage and let him know, i'm sure he will love to hear it

Maybe in a Disney movie, but not real life I'm afraid.

OP, it's too early, he's probably happy with things as they are, if you say it at such an early stage he'll probably be a little freaked, and then he'll just feel under pressure to say it back.

LegacyUser

May be wise to wait a while. It's still early days & if you blurt it out you could by lining yourself up for a let down...if it freaks him out. Send out the signals alright. IMO.

LegacyUser

OP - what is the difference for you between telling him you love him and being 'in love'?

I would suspect the majority of people equate these as being the same.

DamoKen

MagicMarker wrote: »

Maybe in a Disney movie, but not real life I'm afraid.

OP, it's too early, he's probably happy with things as they are, if you say it at such an early stage he'll probably be a little freaked, and then he'll just feel under pressure to say it back.

agree with the too early camp on this one. MagicMarker also makes a good point. Even if that's not what your intentions are he could well feel you're expecting a response along the same lines. Could be he is starting to feel the same but there's no point in putting pressure on him inadvertently this early.

Just go with it for now, enjoy it, see how things develop and how you feel in a few months.

Liam Byrne

WAAAAAYYYYYY too early!

The early (and often blinkered) glow and proper love are two different things.....easy/quickly come = easy go, but what's worthwhile grows properly.

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

Katgurl

Wait.

You might either a) freak him out or b) delight him then realise yourself in 2 weeks you're not entirely sure if you do.

Get to know him a while longer.

Das Kitty

Meh.

I said it after 9 days as I felt it and meant it. Didn't care whether I heard it back or not at the time, I just wanted to let him know.

To be honest I think too much emphasis it put on saying these particular three words, women long to hear their other half say it, men fear saying it, to anyone, ever! It gets totally blown out of proportion.

I don't really understand what the difference OP sees between saying "I Love You" and "I'm in Love With You", provided they're not part of the same sentence with "but I'm not" between them!

banshee_bones

Great that you feel so sure in your emotions but i really do think it is just a little too early.

I would give it at least a few months and see how you feel then. Persoanally I really dont know how any couples out there can say that with such conviction so early on (in my own head it doesnt feel right) and i would also say that those who are very intense at the start with each other ...well things can fizzle out fairly lively....

However, this is just my opinion....

Princessa

I think its a tad ealry, it could totally freak him out and he might do a runner, just try keep it in a lil longer, make it your lent promise that you wont tell him just yet.

blondeambition

Princessa wrote: »

I think its a tad ealry, it could totally freak him out and he might do a runner, just try keep it in a lil longer, make it your lent promise that you wont tell him just yet.

Lent .... that is 7 weekd of waiting then ? Hmmm :eek: lol

Nitxteha

too early

Wibbs

I suppose the reason I mistrust it is that the other person is projecting what they think I am, a fantasy of me they've constructed in too short a time of knowing me. That's all fine and dandy if the reality somewhat reflects that projection, but it rarely does IMHO, hence they fall out of love just as quick. I suppose I take the concept of love very seriously(maybe too seriously?) and basing it on a fantasy, infatuation and or lust, just doesn't cut it for me. The fastest I've ever said it is around 8 months and that was with pretty much daily contact. I know I meant it for the right reasons though. Meh people differ.

Liam Byrne

Katgurl wrote: »

Wait.

You might either a) freak him out or b) delight him then realise yourself in 2 weeks you're not entirely sure if you do.

Get to know him a while longer.

Katgurl triggered a flashback for me with that post! And while the scenario of the flashback didn't include the 3 words in question, it did include BOTH (a) - which I managed to control so that I didn't leg it - AND b) which p'd me off no end because I didn't see the u-turn coming.....

In all fairness, the position after that u-turn would / should have been the norm after the length of time together, but the damage had been done on both fronts coz I couldn't figure out where the hell I stood, and having given someone the benefit of the doubt and not legging it, I was pretty p'd off when I didn't get reasonable treatment / respect...

Basically, never say anything that mightn't be true in a month's time....

LegacyUser

An EDL (EArly Declaration of Love) is a massive risk and has the potential to send the guy running for cover. One girl I slept with a few times called me one night at 2am while I was sleeping. She told me she had something to tell me. I was a bit annoyed and told her I was sleeping and asked her if it could wait until the morning. She insisted on telling me but not before she hummed and hawed and skirted around it for 15 minutes.

I started to get impatient and eventually told her to spit it out. The poor girl after plucking up the courage finally blurted it out. I knew what she was going to say all along and told her I was going to go back asleep. She was genuinely surprised when I didn't reciprocate. It felt like she had just burst a little bubble. Shortly afterwards we broke up. Take home tip ...

DON'T DO IT ... YET!

LegacyUser

Yes too early. Wait a while. Unless you've been living in each others' pockets for the whole month, you can't possibly know him well enough yet. It's undoubtedly still the honeymoon phase of the relationship. I didn't say it until 5 months in. Enjoy things as they are. Why rush it into that stage just yet?

LegacyUser

DO NOT DO IT!!!!!

Went out with a girl for about 3-4 weeks and she said I love you........I didnt call her again! Saying it after such a short time I associate with emotional immaturity and I dont want to get involved with somebody who is gonna take me down that road.

So be prepared for this scenario if you do say it. Then again he may be the opposite to me and be delighted with it.

LegacyUser

I'm 22 and my boyfriend is 28 and we've been together since last june-now i know the feeling your having you just want to say them 3 little words and your saying them over and over in your head everytime your around him - but keep them in your head for another while.
I only realised id fallen in love with him 7 months in and kinda wanted to say it to him at Christmas but i still felt it was too soon and ive never said it before so and didnt want to freak him out. But last weekend was the first time i said it to him-it is so much easier saying it in your head-quite difficult to say it outloud think i was more afraid of his reaction to be honest about it. But all he said back was i know and i love you too. But be sure you are in love with him and not just lusting. You might just be liking the idea of being in love with him.
And im sure at 29 he will be a lot more serious about when he wants to say it. He wont say it just for the sake of saying it unlike kids who say it and possibly might not even know what love is.
Its not Disney and there is no fairy godmother to fix it if it goes pear shaped.
Hope this helps

loloray

blondeambition wrote: »

i've been dying to tell him i love him the last few days. Not to tell him I'm in love with him as I think thats a different thing totally.

??? OP you can't tell him you love him if you are not in love with him. If a bf told me "I love you", I understand that he is in love with me, not that he loves me like my family and friends do.
I can't understand your thought process here. You can tell him the truth (you are important/I love being with you/etc) but you can't say "I love you" if you don't? Surely this is a no-brainer?

I don't think some of the other posters are reading your post properly. To me this isn't a question of timing, it's that you aren't actually in love, yet are thinking of telling him you are!

Wibbs

I agree with Lolaray. If a woman told me she loved me I would take it that she's in love with me romantically. So on top of her saying to early, I would also be wary that she doesn't have a grasp of the nature of love too.

Queen-Mise

I felt like that about my current hubby in the first few weeks, it was a nightmare waiting for enough time (???) to go past before I could say it. Every week was like a month, because it was on the tip of my tongue for weeks. I did wait more than a month though.

If you say it to early, you may seem like a stalker, which wouldn't be good.

seamus

Two words which should express how you feel without sounding like a commitment: "You rock"

Lust tbh. Wait a while till you're REALLY in love then say it. If u must in the meantime just tell him how awesome he is!

LegacyUser

In most men's minds, "ILY" after one month = bunny boiler. You'll probably scare him off.

Poloman

My advice is: DONT

4 weeks? Go handy.. A girl told me after 4 weeks and I couldnt run away fast enough. She sat there waiting for me to say the same thing back to her but I couldnt lie so I just stared at her until she said.. its alright you can tell me when you do. Honestly it made me feel all trapped and clung to all of a sudden.

This is just my experience at that time. Only you will know if its right to say it or not!

Rosita

blondeambition wrote: »

... "i love you" ?

Not to tell him I'm in love with him as I think thats a different thing totally.

Just curious, how do you distinguish between the two in the context of such a relationship?

I understand there to be a difference in that you love your dog or you love mars bars, but you're not "in love" with them in the sense that you not going to have sexual relations with them or commit yourself monogamously to them long-term.

I'm just wondering if you in fact interpret one (loving) as just an earlier stage of the other (being "in love") or if you really do, as you say, see them as different things totally - in which case would you expect that you might not go on to fall in love with this man at all?

kaa

blondeambition wrote: »

... "i love you" ?

We've only been going out over a month so i knows its early in the relationship but i've been dying to tell him i love him the last few days. Not to tell him I'm in love with him as I think thats a different thing totally.

Like this guy and feel overwhelmed to tell him how I feel but should I just keep it quiet as its so soon into the relationship and I'm not sure where he is on it? Would a guy flip out if he heard this and wasn't in the same place? :eek:

i understad what you saying. when i got with my fella i was mad about him. when we were going out about a month and half or two something just felt different in a good way.

i didn't tell him straight out that i love him incase he got freaked out. maybe saying you really like him, your crazy or mad about him first. then he might say something similar so then you will know if ye are on the same page.

i do remember telling him i love him when we were going out about 3 months and i got the same response which felt really good. so saying i love at the start of the relationship is not always a bad thing.

we are now together over two years and we are happy.

G86

A good friend gave me this advice one time and it stuck: 'If you feel it, say it'.

BUT you have to be prepared for the fact that he may not say it back - cause it is pretty early on. I mean what would you do if you said it and he didn't say anything? Would it change how you feel about the relationship?

Teddi

In a word "Don't"...

If that was said to me after a month , I'd be freaked (in actual fact it was said to me, around 2 years ago, it was awkward) ...

it would be rare that he'd say it back to you, though Im not aware of your situation.

Its best left for another while, aslong as he knows that you like him, that would do him for now tbh.

tbh

you know what? the problem isn't with the sentiment, it's with the message.

Saying "I love you" has very specific connotations, and to use the phrase too early cheapens it.

So, why not express the sentiments in a different way?

Say to your boyfriend "you know what? I know it's early days, but I'm really happy. You make me really happy, I really like the way things are going".

You are basically saying the same thing as "I love you" and you are doing the same thing as saying "I love you" - in other words, you are showing that you trust him by telling him something that could make you vulnerable - he may not feel the same way, but you are trusting that either he does, or if he doesn't yet, that he won't take advantage of the fact you told him.

It's a really nice thing to hear and it doesn't have any bunnyboiler tinges to it

blondeambition

Rosita wrote: »

Just curious, how do you distinguish between the two in the context of such a relationship?

I understand there to be a difference in that you love your dog or you love mars bars, but you're not "in love" with them in the sense that you not going to have sexual relations with them or commit yourself monogamously to them long-term.

I'm just wondering if you in fact interpret one (loving) as just an earlier stage of the other (being "in love") or if you really do, as you say, see them as different things totally - in which case would you expect that you might not go on to fall in love with this man at all?

Wellto distinguish its moreso I love you more than mars bars but doesn't mean i want to move in with you tonight and marry you first thing in the morning.Well something like that