My sister, a house and our mortgage

LegacyUser

Hi Folks,

I'm posting unregged for this because it's a senstive family issue that I'm sure many will relate to, but nonetheless anonymity is the only thing that's going to give me the guts to give the full picture.

Two years ago I bought a house with my sister, having been persuaded by my father that he would invest a certain amount in it as part of our eventual inheritance. While neither of us would be the expectant type or demanding in this regard, at the time this did seem like an eventuality and reality and so it seemed to make sense.

Over the past two years my sister, the architect has tweeked and messed, in order to meet her own ideals for this house at great expense to all of us. While this occurred I lived with my parents because i had initially expected it to be a stopgap for 3 months having moved out of rented accomodation with mates where I was happy to pay my way etc. Mortgage and rent were not possible together. My sister and father seemed to constantly add things to the renovations that pushed our move in date (and rent from tenant - my main concern) date further and further away.

And now here we are, she's unemployed, he's broke and I'm supporting a mortgage 3 times the amount I signed up to. However my sister doesn't seem to be able to let go on achieving perfection. After a lot of trouble I found us a tenant (she had CRAZY money in mind) who is a good friend of mine and already I can see he is getting uncomfortable. I have been trying to encourage the kind of environment that would be normal, offering him dinner when I make it, letting him know when I'm around. On the other hand she has berated him for using the kitchen while it was being polished by stone guys(don't ask!) after giving him no notice that they would be there! Just tonight she announced we couldn't use the kitchen for 4 days so the stone could absorb the sealent and had not said this to him before. I took us all out for dinner because no one could cook and to try and create a friendly atmosphere that everyone would be included in. In the midst of this he suggested a small housewarming (we all have mutual friends) as would be normal and she freaked. She also gave out to him for wearing shoes indoors! To be blunt I was mortified.

It should also be said that she's paying nothing on the mortgage in the coming months and my parents have suggested she subsidise this by renting her room. She's now maintaining she want us to get 950 for an ensuite room (the other room in the house, so 4 bedrooms in all) in shared accomodation so that she can stay. I would love her to - we've both worked so hard for this especially her, but I think this is crazy and will put us in jeopardy because it's not going to happen. I just don't know if I'm being a bitch saying this to her. I also think she needs to step away from the situation because if people are renting then it is their home and she can't be going around giving out to the degree that she has.


HELP!!!

ARGH! Don't know what to do.

themadchef

Sounds like she needs a reality check.

Have you sat her down and told her how unhappy you are, how worried you are and how miserable this is making you?

You're picking up the slack financially she should at least respect that.
Is there any way you can all move out and just rent the whole property?

Tell her to stop pumping more money into it. She should be paying the mortgage not putting fancy worktops in.

What's your Dads take on all this?

estar

you are paying the bills - you dictate the terms.

say that you are not going to be able to continue to pay the mortgage
if you arent happy, and say this calmly

tell her about the strain she is causing you and that you are over dealing with it.

you sound very passive ! its time you learned to stand up for yourself and speak up. no one can do this for you. i know its hard when you are used to pleasing everyone, but she has already overstepped the mark with the tweaking and now the moaning even though she is livign for free.

what are her plans for getting a new job? couldnt she emigrate for a while
to pay her mortgage?

people will always take advantage when you LET them!

stop letting them - otherwise you have no one to blame for yourself

tough love is what is required for your sister. she sounds like a right madam.

times have changed, and it is no longer realistic to expect 950 rent - hasnt she done her research? after all property is her business.

be calm, be firm, and when you say something mean it and dont waver.
and dont respond to tears and tantrums, if these happen as they sound like they might!, just respond by saying - i will only discuss this when you are calm.

then advertise the room yourself at a realistic price.

and make clear your terms for her staying on in the house.

as if you refuse to pay her part, what exactly is she going to do?

you are in a position of strength and just need to negotiate this with her

jim o doom

I would strongly agree with the reality check and in fact upgrade it to a "reality slap in the face".

The simple fact is that ALL property is losing money. Rents are coming down & down & down. If she drives away tennants, you will be paying money into a black hole - a house that is devaluing.

Not only that, but she is acting like a little dictator, when currently it is YOU and you ALONE who is paying the mortgage.

You need to tell her to wise up & that if she doesn't get her act together you won't be paying the mortgage any more & that the house will be taken by the bank in that situation.

Sure you WANT her to live there, but she is making life impossible for all the others currently there (all including any tennants being the ones paying the mortgage - not her.)

It's all good and well not wanting to be the "b1tch" in the situation - but the fact of the matter is you are -financially at least- been taken for a ride, and what happens were you to lose your job?

ellie1

women are often more likely to have certain ideals to how the house should look which is often harmless and expensive!!!!

She is probably stressed out herself at not working or contributing towards the morgage as she put so much work into the house.She also may have not been expecting to have a tenant to share with so is feeling territorial which is not exceptable but understandable. Why not try explaining that you will not be able to afford the payments if you lose a tenant? In regards to the 950 rent, i would say she is more worried about getting a job and is grabbing at any option to help pay the morgage...she cant be a total bxxxh or eles would ya have got a house with her in the first place.

jellie

your sister sounds like a spoilt child.

sit her down & try explain to her how unreasonable she is being. if it helps perhaps approach your parents first and get them to back you up (as your father is involved in the payment of the house this is not just between you and your sister).

maybe make the point as well that the tenant is not happy and if you lose him then you get stuck without his rent as well as her money.

but really she does sound spoilt, she has no right to be making all these demands if she is contributing nothing.

LegacyUser

Having first hand experience of working directly with architects, your sister needs to be reined in. It's probably part of her personality too, but architects can get a bit carried away over pet projects.That's why there has to be project managers etc on a team.I know its her house too, but for starters you need to put your foot down very very firmly about anything else she wants to do.If it's not absolutely necessary (and I mean unblocking pipes,connecting toilets or basic painting of rooms) it doesn't get done right now.And you've got to not budge an inch on that.Trust me if you hold out long enough, she'll gradually loosen her hold on what she perceives as perfection.
Secondly she needs to calm down over the tenant.You'd want to explain very,very clearly to her that if she wants to rent the house, she's got to accept that people will live in it.In other words, they'll wear shoes and they'll use the kitchen. If she's not happy with that then she needs to move out or else live there on her own and pay the mortgage herself. I know she probably considers it her work of art, but she's got to get over that. As for the stone sealant...4 days is probably a bit excessive.But that should be the last thing that you allow.
Thirdly, good luck to her looking for that rent!It's not going to happen.And on her own job, I'm working as a professional in the building industry...right now it doesn't look good for architects. She needs to be practical about what she's looking for.And you need to put the foot down, particularly since it's you that found the first tenant anyway.

LegacyUser

Hi folks, thanks to everyone for responding with sound advice. To the person who said she isn't a complete bitch - you're right, I do love her. But she stressed like a maniac and needs a reality check. Planning to grow a pair and talk to her tomorrow. I'm sure there will be upset but needs must and I'm not willing to continue on indefinitely. I'm certainly not going to let a very good tenant become unhappy because we need the money.

Loxosceles

Sister blister wrote: »

Hi Folks,

I'm posting unregged for this because it's a senstive family issue that I'm sure many will relate to, but nonetheless anonymity is the only thing that's going to give me the guts to give the full picture.

...
HELP!!!

ARGH! Don't know what to do.

OK the solution is this.

After moving out of your parents' house and going to college and living in college dorms or apartments for a few years, you get a boyfriend which becomes a fiancé which becomes your husband/partner, and the two of you buy a house together to raise a family. Concurrently, if you have not got a husband by the time you exit college, continue to pursue your career doggedly so that you have enough money to either pay rent on your own pad, waiting for a suitable partnership or career move to come along, or buy your own place.

Because I have absolutely no clue how two siblings can buy a home together unless they plan on spending their lives with each other, which would end up with precisely the situation you describe.

My advice is, find a way out of your legal obligations and leave the problems to your sibling who obviously wants this house. Then use your inheritance for a down payment on your own place, or better yet, stick it in the bank to accrue interest, while going about a nice life that is a lot quieter sans the family circus. We should give up families at a suitable age to get a career and then make our own families. Anything outside of that model is a recipe for disaster and keeps family love from circulating properly without sufficient space to live adult lives. Because this whole Irish closing-ranks-blood-is-thicker-than-water thing is a clannish throwback that cannot sustain itself in a free market economy and liberalised modern social norms. You don't need family to give you what you can get for yourself, and that starts with home.

hotredhead

I would have to agree with Lexosceles.The situation as it stands is going to totally blow up sooner rather than later,leaving all concerned with a very bad taste in their mouths.
You are going to have to sit both your sister and father down and sort it out now.Personally I think,if ye can't agree,you should all take a step back and rent the entire house either as a whole house or rent each room seperately.
[HTML][/HTML]Best of luck to ya!!:)

jim o doom

Sister blister wrote: »

Hi folks, thanks to everyone for responding with sound advice. To the person who said she isn't a complete b*tch - you're right, I do love her. But she stressed like a maniac and needs a reality check. Planning to grow a pair and talk to her tomorrow. I'm sure there will be upset but needs must and I'm not willing to continue on indefinitely. I'm certainly not going to let a very good tenant become unhappy because we need the money.

Your on the right track there - it could be a major issue to lose a tennant now, especially when you describe them as perfect. In a bad situation you might get a bad replacement tennant - or even worse none at all. That would leave you in a bad situation financially.

Also seeing as you are the only one contribution to what you described as "our mortgage" (which to me sounds like your mortgage only), you word should therefore be law, and don't be afraid to see it that way - because everyone will suffer if it doesn't work itself out.

yellowcurl

God, i'd feel so uncomfortable if i had to live with her, not being allowed to wear shoes anywhere around the house. I know some people do it, i just don't feel like taking my shoes off at the front door lol. It's not like they're covered in muck or anything!

Plan what you're going to say very carefully, she sounds quite highly strung and i'm sure the last thing you need right now is a family war :rolleyes: Everyone's been in family situations where it's all blown up for no reason other than someone took what someone else said up the wrong way. Maybe write it down in points beforehand to help you?

Hope it all works out for you.

How is she paying for the builders etc to come in and do work? Does she have access to your credit card or how does it work?

I think the only thing to do is lease the whole house, try let it pay it's mortgage itself and that way, you and your sister will be in the same situation financially with regards the house.

Handsome Bob

estar wrote: »

say that you are not going to be able to continue to pay the mortgage
if you arent happy, and say this calmly

I'd be wary of going down that road because it's like a game of chicken is it not? If the OP says I'm not paying the mortgage it's going to be a game of who blinks first, and since according to the OP that she's the only one paying, the only eventual outcome will be the OP climbing down for fear of falling behind on payments.OP, I would sit your sister down and appeal for her to see sense. Your tenant is contributing to HER mortgage, not HIS, so she should show him some respect. Second of all, explain the financial strain clearly to your sister so she can see the ludicrousy of you having all this weight solely on your shoulders.