Why didnt he ask me out properly?

LegacyUser

I am a 35 year old attractive single female and i met a guy out a few months ago that I had kissed years ago. He is the same age. Nothing ever came of that. I bumped into him a few months ago in a club and we ended up kissing again. The chemistry was really there on both of our parts and he was all over me and I him. He got my number but never called. Then our eyes met one day as I was leaving the Bank. He was in the queue. I nodded but kept going. He texted me later and asked if I would be interested in meeting up sometime. I replied after a few hours and said perhaps. He then suggested the following Thursday night for a drink but cancelled at the last minute that he got delayed at work. The date was never rescheduled but we continued texting on and off every week. The texts were friendly and flirty however no suggestion from either of us regarding meeting up for a date but a suggestion that if we bump into eachother again we will kiss again. This suits me as I am just out of a relationship and not ready to see someone again for a while. Am enjoying having time to myself. All the same, from what I know of this guy I really like him. but im not sure if he's just a charmer and maybe he s just interested in kissing me again and maybe trying for more... as opposed to dating me properly to see first if things would progress. maybe im just an attractive potential lay to him!! im not ready to jump into anything serious now but am really curious as to how he sees me. I would just love to know if he is a player or a genuine guy!! Is he just interested in me as a potential future score or is he waiting to see what will happen if we see eachother out some saturday night again. We are both 35.

would be really curious to get your opinions on this... expecially some guys point of view.. thanking you all in anticipation

liger

it sounds to me like he has a gf already but when he bumped into you the spark was still there so he acted on it.

musicmonky

well. your being a bit coy.
you havent asked him for anything.*
and he is giving you that. so? whata the problem...

Samurai

You should ask him out, he probably isn't sure if you're into him since he has made all the first moves so far, been in that boat!

yellowcurl

Do you know any people in common that you could ask if he had a gf? Be prepared for a 'yes' answer... kind of sounds like it from here.

LadyE

You didnt exactly give him a straight answer with your prehaps message sent after a couple of hours! Maybe he thinks YOUR the game player, he could have genuinly been held up at work, and having got a cold 'perhaps' from you waited for you to make the first move, so he knows you actually want to go out?

Just ask him for a drink if you want - no big deal!

MagicMarker

More kids games.

Listen, if you want to know what's he's like then ffs just ask him out.

Generally though, if we just want to sleep with someone, we find that NOT contacting them is counter productive.

star-pants

The only person who can answer your questions is him.
He got your number but never contacted you -- until you passed him by and ignored him (to an extent) and then he had interest. Arranged to meet up but cancelled at the last minute?

He could be seeing someone already, he might not be overly interested, but only he knows what he wants/what he's thinking. You could just ask him out and if he cancels again, leave it.

Nitxteha

ask him out for a coffee, that does not compromise you much (you can always walk out nicely if you see that there's something you don´t like )

And instead of kissing in a pub (with drinks involved, etc), have a relaxed chat with him, try to get to know him, find out what his situation is, make him get to know you too..

We cannot know what the guy's intention's are (he may not even know himself) but you can find out if you play your cards right.

If you think he's a potential boyfriend, start from the beginning

cantdecide

I agree that it's you who might be the game-player. Do you want him to swoon over you so you get to decide whether you're looking for a relationship again or not? Maybe he senses the high risk of eventually being told FO?

If your aren't playing games, then you're putting the cart before the horse. You must first decide what you want. Then decide if your conclusions involve him...

kmick

My honest opinion is (and I hope its not too hurtful) that if he was interested he would have asked you out by now. However I am wrong at least 50% of the time.

here.from.day.1

+1 on the gf theory.

TEDDYBEAR90

. it sounds like you are a bit confused about what you want as the title of this is "why didnt he ask me out properly"? however you said in your post that you are just out of a relationship and not ready to see someone.
do you think you could be giving him mixed signals? maybe he's playing it cool because he's not sure what you want. i think text flirting can be fun but often doesnt lead anywhere. if you like him then one or both of you are going to have to bite the bullet and communicate about what you want. be open and honest.

TripleAce

Either he is 16 or he is just not interested.

EDIT after reading that he is also 35: Either he is taken or he is just not interested.

calahans

High probability GF

Likes you, makes a date and then chickens out, sending flirty texts but not chasing you .... Sounds like significant other in background and he toying with idea...

LegacyUser

Speaking as a thirty something female with lots of experience in this area...

Yeah he's probably either taken, dating or still pining over an ex. However you've been coy enough for long enough, you're not exactly hassling him or anything so just ask him out and if he doesn't make any more effort stop replying to his txts because then he's just a time waster. I hope it works out however!

estar

harsh.

but true. not worthy of so much of your thought time. you can do better and find someone who would have asked you out straight away.

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm the person who posted the original question. Just to say wow! thank you all so much for all the replies. Very helpful! thank you... I am new to this forum. I registered yesterday but still managed to post as a guest however I managed that!!!

Just to say as far as I know he does not have a girlfriend currently but he has had a few longterm relatioships.. i am nearly certain he is single now but not 100% certain. I had also thought that perhaps he might be waiting to go out with someone a little younger considering that I am 35!!

I would never have the confidence to be able to ask him out!! Wouldnt be able to bare myself like that.. god id hate to be a guy! so yea Im partly being protective of myself by not being more up front and direct with him and playing along in case I get rejected but also Im not in a rush to go dating again..am enjoying time out at the moment. But that said I do like him. However maybe as some of you have said, if he was really interested he would have asked me out

LegacyUser

Hi all, just to say Im saw a new post there about "Friends with Benefits" maybe this is what he is after with me eventually.... what do you think!!!

Plus as I said there in the post just before this one.. as far as I know he does not have a girlfriend but I only know this through a friend of a friend and they are not certain etc...
but maybe he is seeing someone else or seeing someone new or dating new people etc

or maybe he does have a girlfriend... I would just love to know the motives behind his behaviour... also he never rang me, just texts!

LegacyUser

1. maybe he doesn't want to start seeing someone right now, the same as you say you are not ready for something.

or

2. he has a new girlfriend.

or

3. hes playing you.

or

4. he is keeping his options open with you in case he sees you out again and wants another kiss..

or

5. he is not interested but then why would he be texting you if he is not interested

tommyboy2222

He's just not that in to you.

Sleepy

What's the title of that movie that was out recently?

"He's just not that into you".

LegacyUser

I would say he is interested and just trying to tease out your interest.

He is probably shy, maybe thats why he cancelled last minute. or maybe he is not ready for a girlfriend as may have been hurt in the past. He must be interested if he is contacting you.

LegacyUser

He could be really interested in you but perhaps shy.