Co Sleeping.

Quality

Well I think I may as well pack up the moses basket, because he has only slept in it twice since he was born 3 months ago!!

So if there are any other co sleeping parents out there can they let me know how you got on?

How long did you co sleep for?

Was it planned?

Was the transition from your bed to cot difficult?

I just found I was up most of the night breastfeeding and that some sleep was better than no sleep. The minute I put him in the basket he would be wide awake!! With two other kids to look after it is the easiest option for me.

Peared

Sorry Quality I have no advice, I just have to say

HOLY FOCK, THAT WAS THREE MONTHS AGO!!!???

Time is running away.

Ickle Magoo

Quality wrote: »

Well I think I may as well pack up the moses basket, because he has only slept in it twice since he was born 3 months ago!!

So if there are any other co sleeping parents out there can they let me know how you got on?

We've just got our bed back - it doesn't suit everyone but it worked for us. Some people will think you are a parental martyr others will think you are completely bonkers, lol.

Quality wrote: »

How long did you co sleep for?

Nearly four years but it was only the odd night for the last year.

Quality wrote: »

Was it planned?

Absolutely not, I vowed before I had kids (one of the many vows I lived to back-track about!) that I would never in a month of Sundays let the kid in with us.

Quality wrote: »

Was the transition from your bed to cot difficult?

No, just took a while. Some nights he wanted our bed & others he wanted his own, some nights he slept through in his bed & others he would come through to us at some point in the night - often without us even noticing. Now he always goes to bed in his bed & rarely comes through to us.

Quality wrote: »

I just found I was up most of the night breastfeeding and that some sleep was better than no sleep. The minute I put him in the basket he would be wide awake!! With two other kids to look after it is the easiest option for me.

Amen to that. My wee man had chronic reflux & was an awful sleeper & the only way any of us could get a night's sleep was to share. He liked it, we didn't mind it - it worked for us. We never got to the point that we were desperate to get him out of the bed so we just let him move himself out. If you don't mind it & it works for you, why not?!

I think all kids are different in the sleep preferences...my youngest loved sharing as a baby & we had to get a king-size to fit the four of us but by a year old or so she wanted her own bed only & prefers just to come through & doze in the morning, so there may be no issue with transition into cot later at all.

Nevyn

First 4 months with the first and 7 months with the second.

Jimdagym

We are having murder at the minute. Baby was in his own room at 6 weeks his sleeping was that good. Basically 11 or 12 hours straight through every night the week after he got home. Once he hit 7 months (on his 3rd tooth, i think) he started waking up between 1 and 2 am and would scream the house untill he came into our bed. This was out of the blue. He was 14 months on sat and its still going on. He sleeps all night in here, so its no trouble, but we have another due on easter monday, and we need him out of here by then.
Not going to be easy at all...

Ludo

Our 16 month olds were in cots in our room for first 6 months. Moved into their own room then and only had to be brought into our bed once a week maybe until they were over a year. They WERE great sleepers once the colic passed after a few months.

The last 2 months have been painful though. They started waking EVERY night now any time between 10 and 2 and will NOT go back to sleep unless sharing with one of us. Bed ain't big enough for the 4 of us to sleep comfortably in so we have to split up. Last night it started at 10pm. I got to sleep at 1 and was woken again at 3.30. Didnt get back to sleep again at all as the one I was "sleeping" with moves around all over the place and I don't trust him not to fall out of the bed when I am alone in it with him. it has happened before and since then I don't get any sleep when I am with him. A slightly worse than usual night but typically enough involved everyone moving beds at some stage during the night. Feckin wrecked at this stage from it all and have no idea how to go about solving it. Have tried everything.

I was also against allowing them into our bed at all before they arrived. Changed my mind on that one pretty quickly inorder to get sleep. So basically do whatever you can to get some sleep and to make yourself comfortable and ignore anyone who disagrees with what you are doing.

Whoever created/designed humans (kids in particular) is insane or just cruel.

Quality

I must say the disapproving looks are hilarious that I get off people when I say that the baby is in the bed with me.

But it is actually quite comforting to have the baby beside me, He is like my little hot water bottle!!


And Peared, Time is running away!! We have planned on this being our last baby and it is going too quick for my liking!!

silja

We co-slept with our twins until they were 8 months old. It was planned, though also partially because we lived in a one bedroom flat when they were born. For the fist few weeks, they would only sleep well when laying on our chests, so that is where they slept (anything for a few hours sleep when you are a new parent!). Then we had an Arm's Reach Co-sleeper, which is basically a three sided cot which attaches to the side of your bed at the same level as the bed, so you can just scoot the baby (or twins in our case) over when they need to be breastfed or need a cuddle. That worked great for us as we didn't have to be afraid of the blanket covering them or their wriggliness waking us, but they were close and it helped my c-section recovery that I didn't have to lift them from a cot.

When they were 8 months we moved to a house; we then had a huge bed and co-slept for a couple of weeks to help the transition (it was a transatlantic move, we now live in Arkansas), then moved them to their own cribs. No issues with the transition at all. They are still in the same room as us, a very big bedroom, as their own rooms are on the other side of the house and they still wake once or twice most nights for a bottle, diaper change or a soothie, so it's easier to have them in with us for now.

shrapnel222

both of ours slept in the moses basket in our room for 3 or 4 weeks then we moved them to their own bedroom, that way everyone sleeps better

MrsA

We are currently co-sleeping with our 13 month old, and no it was not planned.

We had him in a cot in our room at the start, and then with exhaustion etc it was just easier to have him in the bed, so he used to start the night in his cot and move to our bed then.

Then we moved from Australia to Ireland, and his cot took a few weeks to arrive so he started going to bed in our bed, and well we have not looked back.

We have a baby due in 5 weeks and I have no idea what we are going to do. We *plan* on putting the new baby straight into a cot and not co-sleeping with him, but, sleep is a great motivator to changing the best laid plans.

I have to say I LOVE having him in the bed with us, he is a snuggler and it is lovely when he wakes in the morning getting those lovely hugs and kisses. I will miss him so much when we move him.

M

stovelid

Went straight to cot from basket, but there was an awful period of wakefulness right over Christmas because of chest infection/bronchiolitis/teething and we were that close to letting him in the bed, but didn't, and thankfully he's back sleeping through now. After that, I can understand why people let them in with them.

saoili

My sister and I were pregnant at the same time and we (the two of us, her husband, my boyfriend and both babies) all live in their house. They had planned on co-sleeping, having done a lot of reading on the subject and decided that it was the way people were designed to work. We didn't really think much about it and had been leaning towards a basket because it was the more normal thing to do. Her baby was born first and after a few days of seeing how easy having her baby in the bed was for them, in comparison to how hard one night having the baby in the basket was for us we moved him into our bed.

That was just over six months ago and I'm glad we did it, it means I get a lot more sleep than I would otherwise. And now that I'm back working it means I get a lot more cuddle time with my little one, since I pretty much get him up and ship him off to the creche before work and pick him up and put him to bed after work.

I'm breastfeeding and he still wakes me up to feed him (usually not waking up himself) three or or four times a night to feed, at least. At first I was delighted to have him in the bed because of this, because I'd be exhausted getting fully up that many times. But lately I have been wondering if he'd need feeding as often if he had his own place to sleep.

We also have the increasing problem of how to keep him in the bed when we're not there. We put him down with the baby monitor at night, but he's pretty well capable of climbing out over the blankets we put around him. Because we're worried about him falling off the bed and hurting himself we're thinking about trying to move him to a cot.

Chunkylover

Ours is just over 3 months now and we have just managed to get her into the cot (havnt been brave enough to put her in her own room yet) we went for about 10 weeks with her in the same bed as us, it all started when she had a blocked nose and could only sleep on my chest.
We eventually just bit the bullet and put her in the cot, didnt get much sleep our selves for the 1st few days but it has settled down a lot, got 8 hours lastnight
I put her over my shoulder before bed and get her relaxed, then cradle her till she is about to fall asleep (her eyes are to heavy to keep open) and really, and I mean really gently put her in the cot, we are now at a stage that we can pop her in the cot and she nods off, but we have to be beside her, its better than nothing

best of luck with it, but have to admit i did like waking up with her giggling at me

Redpunto

Our 3 yr old still comes in to us in the middle of the night!

We never actively did the cosleeping thing - she did always have her own bed but it just worked out easier if she was in with us - especially with the breastfeeding when she was a baby.

Dont worry too much about time frames and making yourself feel bad coz babes is not sleeping all through the night in her own bed. Do what you feel is right.

IsThatSo?

My first two children slept with me. They were both v colicky and it was the only way to get sleep. I don't remember having an opinion, or even thinking about it, before my first child was born. They always had their own cot/bed and would sleep there at times (more as they got older) but we just did whatever worked on any given night

My 6 year old would still come in on a Saturday morning for a chat and cuddles, but would only come in during the night if he had a nightmare. This is rare but when he has them he gets into a right state so we just snuggle up and it helps.

My 16 month old only got turfed out of our room 2 weeks ago when his new sister arrived. So baby is in crib beside me and 16 month old is in his own room but with my husband in with him, partly to help with the transition (which is no bother to him) but also to save me having to get up to two children during the night!!!

My newborn does not have colic and is much more settled at night so I have no idea if we will do the co-sleeping thing, we probably will at some point.

For other posters who were concerned about children falling out of the bed, we put up one of those bed rails that you use when children go into a bed first, it worked very well. He did manage to fall out once, but he didn't even wake up:pac:

When my children are under two and sharing a bed with me I do get my hubby to go into the spare room. Two reasons for this, one is safety for a small child and the other is that his sleep is not disturbed, no point in two of us being awake during the night

Grawns

Have been doing it for 3 weeks now but husband is sleeping on the couch with the dog. the nurse in the hosp said that the heat from 2 of us would be too much for her

I can feed her in my sleep though

Nevyn

What a strange things for her to have said.

As long as you are careful about the ammound of blankets you should be fine.
The only time Dad wasn't in the bed co sleeping was if he was shattered or
had a few drinks other then that we had both of ours in with us.

Superdaddy

There are negatives to co-sleeping to be aware of.
Firstly it was pointed out to me recently that it is actually illegal to sleep in the same bed as a child below a certain age, I can't quote where it is in law but it certainly does exist.

A friend of mine lost a child because she smothered while sleeping between her and her partner.

It also put pressure on the relationship between mam and dad if there is a child in the bed every night for an extended period.

CJhaughey

Superdaddy wrote: »

Firstly it was pointed out to me recently that it is actually illegal to sleep in the same bed as a child below a certain age, I can't quote where it is in law but it certainly does exist.

I don't believe this at all.
There could not possibly be a law preventing a baby from sleeping with it's mother.

IsThatSo?

Superdaddy wrote: »

A friend of mine lost a child because she smothered while sleeping between her and her partner.

This is very sad and the reason my hubby sleeps in the spare room when a child is in our bed.

It also put pressure on the relationship between mam and dad if there is a child in the bed every night for an extended period.

Its like anything, it will put pressure on if you let it. For me lack of sleep would be worse and put far more pressure on relationship......I get VERY grumpy without sleep

I would be interesting in seeing that law too........................

In my experience men seem to have less tolerance for co-sleeping, mothers seem to be far more comfortable with it.

Nevyn

I have never in all my born days heard of such a law.
Please provide a cite/link for this.

Once parents take precautions and there are not factors like exterme obseity or
parents who are on sedative medications or who have drink take studies have shown
parents while asleep are aware of the baby in the bed and move accordingly over the night.

Pressure ?

You mean maybe that they as parents have less chance for sex ?
Baby goes to sleep and is transfered to mosesbasket/cot, parents have alone time in
the bed and then when the baby wake up for late night feed baby is taken
into the bed and all fall alseep for the remainder of the night.
It's not rocket science.

Superdaddy

Thaedydal wrote: »

I have never in all my born days heard of such a law.
Please provide a cite/link for this.

I'm not plucking this out of thin air, by the tone of your reply you seem annoyed, it is not my intention to p*ss anybody off, I just want to show that it is not a totally positive situation. I was in a meeting with my solicitor a few months back, he is one of the top family law solicitors in Ireland. He informed me of this law and went so far as to dig it out of a book for me, I did not take note of which act it is under. It amazed me too to be honest.

Once parents take precautions and there are not factors like exterme obseity or
parents who are on sedative medications or who have drink take studies have shown
parents while asleep are aware of the baby in the bed and move accordingly over the night.

It does happen though unfortunately. I am an extremely heavy sleeper and i wouldn't sleep in the same bed as my son when he was young. I slept for 2 years on a sofa.

Pressure ?

You mean maybe that they as parents have less chance for sex ?
Baby goes to sleep and is transfered to mosesbasket/cot, parents have alone time in
the bed and then when the baby wake up for late night feed baby is taken
into the bed and all fall alseep for the remainder of the night.
It's not rocket science.

It's difficult enough for people to find the time and the mood for sex without having a baby between them in the bed. It is part of the reason my relationship with my sons mother failed. And before you start judging and reading between the lines, I said part. The other part was that she is a nutter.

Quality

One of my best friends lives in D15 she had her baby on sunday in holles st. A beautiful healthy baby girl.
She is breast feeding but was told by her public health nurse that she was not to co sleep as the public health nurse could not advise it as two mothers in the area had rolled over and smothered their babies. I thought this was a terrible thing to tell a new mammy.
It pissed me off a lot.

Is there any way of finding out if this is true?>]

The PHNs have to work in a certain catchment area?

Nevyn

There is so much ignorance around co sleeping.

Superdaddy

Quality wrote: »

One of my best friends lives in D15 she had her baby on sunday in holles st. A beautiful healthy baby girl.
She is breast feeding but was told by her public health nurse that she was not to co sleep as the public health nurse could not advise it as two mothers in the area had rolled over and smothered their babies. I thought this was a terrible thing to tell a new mammy.
It pissed me off a lot.

Is there any way of finding out if this is true?>]

The PHNs have to work in a certain catchment area?

It is a parents worst nightmare, imagine being responsible for the death of your child. Why would you be p*ssed off with the nurse, it would be far worse if she said nothing. It is best that people know the risks, then they can make their own decision based on the information they have. I would be p*ssed off if babies were dying and the nurse withheld information that could save a child regardless of the cause.

Thaedydal wrote: »

There is so much ignorance around co sleeping.

Yes there is. There are Pros and Cons to co-sleeping. Too many people too quick to promote the Pros, it is a wonderful thing to look at your Baby and its Mother asleep in bed together, it is the most natural thing in the world. But in the natural world babies die, in the animal kingdom suffocation is a major cause of infant mortality. We are intelligent enough to know the risks and how to avoid this.
There are as many websites and people promoting the Pros and Cons of co-sleeping and others suggest alternatives such as bedside cots. In the end it is up to the individual parents to decide what suits them best once they know the Pros, Cons and alternatives.
Personally i think it is fine when the mother is breast feeding but once this stops i would put the child in the bedside cot and eventually give the child their own room. Personally i will never sleep in a bed with an infant child and i believe the father should not get involved in co-sleeping apart from the odd snooze.

livvy

I find this thread really interesting. I too was told co sleeping was a big no no by hospital - temperature and smothering given as dangers. I suppose co sleeping was the norm when families were large and houses were small.

IsThatSo?

Someone mentioned the cot that clips to the side of the bed, this would be a good alternative for someone who wanted to have their child with them but was nervous about it from stories they heard.

I just pulled my sons normal cot right up beside the bed so that I could rub his head etc if needed, the bars are wide enough for that. I did get the pleasure of him being the first thing I saw in the morning (usually grinning at me through the bars, or shouting if I wasn't quick enough to wake up lol) so that works well.

My two week old is a great sleeper and hasn't been out of her crib yet. If she does not need it then I won't have her in the bed. I do find that I am more relaxed and get a better quality sleep if I don't have an infant in the bed, so I am nervous of it on some level. Then again, maybe that is natures way of making sure that I remain aware of my child and don't sleep too heavily


The definition of co-sleeping can vary I suppose, for some it will be the child in the bed all the time, for others it will be only if they wake during the night and for some it will be the cot in the parents room for many many months. I have done a mix of all three, depending on what was required at the time.

BTW, I never used adult bedclothing on an infant, I pull the duvet off that side of the bed and use the normal cellular blankets or grobags, as I would if they were in a cot/crib. That takes care of the overheating bit and if someone is worried about smothering then buy one of those long cushions/pillows and place it in the middle of the bed, between yourself and the infant, and have the infant well away from you/the pillow. I said earlier that I put up a bed rail, so the child will not fall out of the bed. Small babies do not move around much during sleep either, not like a 1 year old would.

This is an emotive issue though, no doubt about it!

Ickle Magoo

Superdaddy wrote: »

Personally i think it is fine when the mother is breast feeding but once this stops i would put the child in the bedside cot and eventually give the child their own room. Personally i will never sleep in a bed with an infant child and i believe the father should not get involved in co-sleeping apart from the odd snooze.

It's true. For every statement against co-sleeping there is another for - & visa versa. One minute I heard I could kill my child by smothering them & a week later I heard it helps avoid SIDS. Someone said would cause parental intimacy problems and another said the extra sleep gave them more energy in that department (it certainly didn't harm our relationship & our son was in our bed for nearly 4 yrs - you just get more inventive!;)). It's really hard to know what to do as a new parent, made all the harder by lack of sleep and other people foisting their personal opinions on how everything should be done - their way, of course!

I'm not sure where your logic for the whole "fathers should not get involved in co-sleeping" thing comes from. My husband is the other half of this parenting team - why should he not get the snuggles & cuddles & nappy changes & sleepless nights & all the other joys his babies brought? He actually gets really pee'd off at the intimation he's doing something wrong or inappropriate by sleeping next to his own child. He was there at their conception, he was there at their birth & every scan in-between; he changes them, he bathes them, why should there be different "rules" governing who can sleep next to them? :(

As for the law about sharing a bed with a child of a certain age - I have to look that one up, does Ireland seriously have a law prohibiting parents from sharing a bed with their own children?! Wow...that's just bizarre! Gotta be throwback from centuries gone by! :eek:

IsThatSo? My friend got this extra high, three sided cot - so it was like an extension of the bed but babs still had their own space, looked like a good piece of kit to have to get the best of both worlds!

Superdaddy

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

I'm not sure where your logic for the whole "fathers should not get involved in co-sleeping" thing comes from. My husband is the other half of this parenting team - why should he not get the snuggles & cuddles & nappy changes & sleepless nights & all the other joys his babies brought? He actually gets really pee'd off at the intimation he's doing something wrong or inappropriate by sleeping next to his own child. He was there at their conception, he was there at their birth & every scan in-between; he changes them, he bathes them, why should there be different "rules" governing who can sleep next to them? :(

My view is that it's fair enough co-sleeping to breastfeed an infant, but two adults sleeping with the infant just increases the risks unnecessarily. I am Not saying Dads shouldn't be involved in any part of parenting. I just think it's best if the baby isn't sandwiched between both parents each night. It's a risk i'm unwilling to take.

sneakyST

We co-sleep with our daughter after loads of sleepless nights getting up every hour to her cot (by our bed) due to colic and reflux. I find it much easier when breastfeeding

You can buy co-sleeping nests to protect the baby when they're small http://www.babysecurity.co.uk/p/360832/summer-infant-snuggle-nest-deluxe-baby-sleeper-cot-pink-.html

We have her in her usual sleepsuit and grobag on top of the covers so she doesn't overheat.

As for a baby in the bed getting in the way of intimacy - that's what the spare room is for...she goes to bed much earlier than us

MrsA

I am surprised by the attitudes that surround co-sleeping. It is the most natural thing in the world, and as long as some basic safety rules are followed there is no evidence to prove it is unsafe.

As for it ruining intimacy, well our son sleeps with us and we are due our next baby in 4 weeks!!

In China where co-sleeping is the norm, they do not even have a word for SIDS.

I am so glad I don't allow the PHN to darken my door, they come out with a lot of crap.

M

Ickle Magoo

Superdaddy wrote: »

My view is that it's fair enough co-sleeping to breastfeed an infant, but two adults sleeping with the infant just increases the risks unnecessarily. I am Not saying Dads shouldn't be involved in any part of parenting. I just think it's best if the baby isn't sandwiched between both parents each night. It's a risk i'm unwilling to take.

So it's okay if Daddy sleeps with the infant & Mum sleeps in another bed? Just not both together? And only if the child is breastfeeding...

gibo_ie

Ludo wrote: »

Didnt get back to sleep again at all as the one I was "sleeping" with moves around all over the place and I don't trust him not to fall out of the bed when I am alone in it with him. it has happened before and since then I don't get any sleep when I am with him. A slightly worse than usual night but typically enough involved everyone moving beds at some stage during the night. Feckin wrecked at this stage from it all and have no idea how to go about solving it. Have tried everything.

Ludo,
We use a toddler rail which is a great peace of mind.

Click on the link below to see Tomy Universal Bed Rail - Blue. (cat no. 3753701) £21.49 * on argos.co.uk
http://www.argos.co.uk/ProductDisplayTRK019?partNumber=3753701

Maybe you will get some sleep using it too..

metrovelvet

Superdaddy wrote: »

It's difficult enough for people to find the time and the mood for sex without having a baby between them in the bed. It is part of the reason my relationship with my sons mother failed. And before you start judging and reading between the lines, I said part. The other part was that she is a nutter.

This says more about a puritanical 18th century enlightment [same period interestingly that the cot was invented] over sexualised perception of the bed. Is the bed the only place you can think of to have sex? It could force you to become a little more creative.

coralcathy

had my fisrt son in "the big bed" for 6 years.....

4month old now in with us...............

works for us

stovelid

metrovelvet wrote: »

This says more about a puritanical 18th century enlightment [same period interestingly that the cot was invented] over sexualised perception of the bed.

For me, it's more about the overly practical 21st century perception of the parental bed, considering infant-induced narcolepsy, therewith as the most congruent place for the often sequential acts of sleep and sex.

I do admire the new parents that still shag incessantly in the attic, garden, and cubby-holes though, don't get me wrong.

Superdaddy

metrovelvet wrote: »

This says more about a puritanical 18th century enlightment [same period interestingly that the cot was invented] over sexualised perception of the bed. Is the bed the only place you can think of to have sex? It could force you to become a little more creative.

Nothing wrong with my creativity, thanks:D. Its just a nice making love to your wife/ partner before drifting off to sleep rather than humping in the garden shed or spare room. There is more to sex than just sex:)

Ickle Magoo wrote: »

So it's okay if Daddy sleeps with the infant & Mum sleeps in another bed? Just not both together? And only if the child is breastfeeding...

Don't understand your confusion. It's just my opinion so don't worry yourself with it.