Is this a good idea?

LegacyUser

This is going to be a bit of a novel, just to warn you.

I met a guy online nearly two years ago now. Might have been more, actually, I've lost track. I went to meet him two summers ago, I was in Canada and he was in the UK. We weren't really intending on anything romantic going on, he was just going to be my friend in the country so I wasn't completely alone, and I was going to stay with him til I could get my own place. We hit it off, to say the least-- chemistry was off the wall-- and within two days we pretty much were an item. Our relationship was ridiculously accelerated, we became very close very quickly and I don't think I've ever been as close to anyone as I was to him. I was his first serious relationship as well as other things, but I had been in one previous long-term (2 years) relationship. Still, there was something different.

We traveled around the UK together for six months, as that was the duration of the visa, and never left each others' sides. I met his friends, his family. We were essentially joined at the hip. We had our tiffs, but nothing we couldn't get through. Just the same ones every couple has.

Visa ran out. Time came for me to go home to Canada. He came with me and stayed with me and my mother for a week. My family adores him, we had him at our Christmas dinner and he met all of them. He was instantly very much apart of the family, and my mother still talks to him quite frequently, as she loves him to utter bits.

He had to go back to the UK when the week was up. The goodbye was completely heartbreaking. We had decided to at least try an LDR, as neither of us had been in one before. It was okay for the first few weeks, he visited me for a week in April, but he went back it just got harder and harder as the months went on. We started fighting more and more. We split about a month before what would have been our one-year anniversary. We remained on good terms, with a few little complications that we managed to get through. We're still quite close as friends, and there are definitely lingering feelings on both our parts.

This summer I came here to Ireland, and I figured this would be my time to experiment. Since I've been here I've had a couple one night stands, and just kind of messed around enjoying the single life as I'd never really had the opportunity to before-- I was a late bloomer, got into my first relationship at 17 and was in them until age 20.

My ex and I were and still are always 100% honest with one another, something I've found completely unique. Even the darkest things we've done, we've told one another about. So he knows about my brief history here, every little detail.

Lately we've been talking about meeting up, since I'm a lot closer now than I was. We've spoken about how we feel. He feels like he's not sure if it's a good idea or not, as I've changed quite a bit since I've been here (mostly for the good, but my sexual history and the fact that I've started drinking socially has put him off a bit as I was quite an adamant non-drinker while with him). I know he hasn't changed, which is a good thing and a bad thing. He's younger than me, by two years, and still has a bit of maturing to do, but other than that there's nothing horrible. He's a perfect gentleman for the most part.

I've told him it might be a good idea to get some closure, as the last time we saw each other we were still together, nothing was really finalized in person, and I just want to see if there's still something worth salvaging there. He feels the same.

He's looking at coming sometime soon.

Is this a good idea? We've been apart for such an extended period of time, and so much has happened between then and now. Is it best to just let it lie? I won't be able to settle into a relationship for some time, as I'm traveling a lot for the next while and my life is generally pretty unstable, and he's got things to concentrate on back home in the UK.

Would it just open up a whole new can of worms? Rehash things that should be left to memory? I want to be with him, ultimately. I've thought about it a lot. Ideally it would be a couple years down the line when he's grown up a bit and I've lost my wanderlust and stick around somewhere long enough to establish something. But.. if we meet, it might just make things so much harder.

I don't know. I apologize for the novel. I'm just confused whether or not to let sleeping dogs lie. I've not felt like this before, and I know he's just as lost about it as I am.

Any advice would be appreciated, if you managed to get through all that you're a saint.

MagicMarker

You've answered your own question.

You traveling, experience the single life, he's young and immature. It didn't work the first time around when you were both more compatible, it won't work the second time if you're both completely incompatible, which it sounds like you are.

cowzerp

I'd weigh the positives v the negatives and in your post the negatives are the stand out bits.. bad idea i'd say..