Personality or looks

LegacyUser

I've been seeing this lovely girl the last few weeks. She has a great personality, there is great chemistry between us, and I can see us going on for some time.

Thing is, she's not the greatest looker - now while this doesn't bother me too much, I'm more aware of what others might say and think, especially my friends.

Its very shallow, I know. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

Wibbs

short and crass answer? You're the one sleeping with her, not your mates. If you're hot for her, who cares?

Otis Driftwood

I was,when I was 16.If you like her then screw what anyone else thinks!

Polleta

I would never rule someone out because of their looks. If you can talk for hours, have a serious amount of chemistry then who cares what anyone else thinks?

I went out with a guy who one of my friends said at the start I could do way better than looks wise. I ignored her totally and a couple of weeks later she was saying to me that we were such an in lust couple it wasn't even funny.

After a while people just noticed how into each other you are and stop judging on looks. It is soo shallow! Give me a funny genuine man regardless of his looks anyday!

metamorphic

It just depends how much it bothers you and if it's really a show stopper. It is shallow, yes. Are there enough good points to hang in there? Can you get over it? Seems like you know you'd get on well together.

fifomania

Yes, we all go by looks but if she's great to get on with then why care? especially what other people might think, it's you who is seeing her, not them! Looks won't matter when you're 80!

Dudess

Your friends seem like dicks. And it's idiotic to be concerned with what they think... it really is - seeing as you like her and all.

*Honey*

Are you happy? Does she make you laugh? Do you look forward to seeing her?

If you answered yes, what the hell difference does it make what your mates say (and if they can't be happy for you, they're not really your mates are they?)

There three things I look for in a partner:

1. Personality
2. Personality
3. Personality

Latchy

If we all only went out with , had relationships with, or married goodlookers ,there would be more single people in the world than there already is . Good looks are fine but so overrated .

MagicMarker

Both.

But if it doesn't bother you then screw your friends.

LegacyUser

I had a mate who went out with a girl. I didnt know her and remember at the time saying to him "what are you up to, the state of her".....after a while I got to know her and they really made a great couple. Looks are only the inital attraction, its the personality thats the keeper! (By the way I have grown up since then)

cantdecide

If you can be crazy about a girl that you don't fancey then congratulations, you're more evolved than most of us blokes.

Screw your mates- it's your happiness.

That_Guy

Guys will always be guys and to some of my friends good looks to them involve girls with exist blonde hair and a big rack.

It's stupid behaviour. If she's hot to you and you have a good time with her and have a good connection then don't worry what people think.

People in my opinion who go for looks only tend to be extremely shallow and have no personality themselves. The only shred of personality they have are chat up lines which are absolutely ridiculous.

I'll always go for personality over looks any day.

star-pants

Agree with others - if you like her and get on with her, she'll be gorgeous in your eyes and that's all that matters. Don't throw away someone good just because you think others might not like how they look. As long as I like the person enough and we get on I don't care what anyone else says tbh.

banshee_bones

*Honey* wrote: »

Are you happy? Does she make you laugh? Do you look forward to seeing her?

If you answered yes, what the hell difference does it make what your mates say (and if they can't be happy for you, they're not really your mates are they?)

There three things I look for in a partner:

1. Personality
2. Personality
3. Personality

+1 ..... said it better than i could!

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Are all your mates with really good looking women?

Anyway, do what you are happy with. Your mates are assholes. Inconsiderate selfish arses... Maybe they are jealous?

I was in this position before, didn't listen to my mates. They are not really mates if they are telling you things like this...

*Honey*

Also meant to say, looks can fade or change, but personality is the gift that keeps on giving!!!!!

thebman

Your friends won't give a crap. They certainly won't say anything to you because they know how you'll react. Presumably you'd flip out, I know I would.

If they do think it but aren't willing to say it then who gives a crap. They can think what they like as long as your happy.

jane86

If you're seeing her for a couple of weeks she must not be that bad looking. A few of my friends (male and female) have partners I would say are not as good looking as they are but I would never tell them that. We're all early 20's. If you're not in your teens then you really need to overcome caring so much about what your friends think.

Overheal

"Your girlfriend looks _________"

"You don't even know her."

Its about You and Her. Not They. They aren't going to know her the same way you do. I can't look at my friend's girlfriend and know a tenth about her that he does. I can't be a friend with her and know a fifth that he does. Its the nature of an Intimate Relationship that is none of your friends business.

Handsome Bob

Unregistered wrote: »

I've been seeing this lovely girl the last few weeks. She has a great personality, there is great chemistry between us, and I can see us going on for some time.

Thing is, she's not the greatest looker - now while this doesn't bother me too much, I'm more aware of what others might say and think, especially my friends.

Its very shallow, I know. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

I suggest you do whatever makes you feel happy. This way, you won't have any regrets. For me personally, I let a woman fall out of my grasp (it was an age thing, not looks) because I was afraid of what my family and mates would think. It was only when the opportunity had passed did I realise how much I cared for the girl and just how comfortable in my own skin she made me feel. Now here I am, with no contact with her lamenting what might have been. Don't live to regret mate.:)

Dudess

Why are you asking, OP? Surely it's obvious anyone will say to just go out with her when you really like her.

That_Guy wrote: »

Guys will always be guys

Not all guys act like such morons.

jane86 wrote: »

We're all early 20's. If you're not in your teens then you really need to overcome caring so much about what your friends think.

Hah, that's probably the age where it happens most. Although I was talking to a woman the other night, aged 30, who was making comments about guys' looks and wondering what their girlfriends were doing with them etc. It's pititful.

,mnb

Have you considered sending her for plastic surgery and putting her on a diet?

Wibbs

,mnb take a week off to read the charter of this forum.

MadelineNYC

Are you attracted to her in a physical/sexual way? If so, then carry on!

Caked Karen

If you can get on with someone as well as you sound like you are with her, then what do you care what your friends think. if she is someone you can talk with, have fun with and want to be with then there is no question really

screw what your friends think..if she makes you happy then happy days!

LegacyUser

Well, i'm a 31 year old guy and i just couldn't be with a girl i wasn't physically attracted to. Obviously personality is more important overall but for me and most guys i know, looks are also very important otherwise you may as well go out with a female friend who you get along really well with but then i've only ever gone out with girls i was strongly attracted to and i know in my heart that i would not be happy being with someone that didn't make me go Phwooaaar when i see them. Am i shallow, i don't think so. Thats just my take on things and let me also say that the inital physical attraction means nothing ultimately if both people don't have that chemistry and mutual respect for each other but looks are important and any guy who says looks are not important has never been able to pull a good looking girl. FACT. I can't speak for women. To much politically correct BS in this thread.

As the saying goes "Guys are attracted to what they see, girls are attracted to what they hear". There is a lot of truth in this.

Talliesin

Unregistered wrote: »

Thing is, she's not the greatest looker - now while this doesn't bother me too much, I'm more aware of what others might say and think, especially my friends.

What exactly do you mean by a "looker"? Are you talking about America's Next Top Model? Are you talking about some fashionable look that satisfies the strained braying of insular tossers who think they're alpha males but make sure never to put the point to the test?

Or does she do it for you?

If someone comments favourably on her appearance because they're honestly enjoy how she looks then I'll certainly, take that favourably. If you enjoy showing her off because you feel like a hell of a lucky man when she's on your arm, then great.

But nobody does it for everyone (there are certainly some famous "sex symbols" I wouldn't touch with a bargepole and a good few more I wouldn't rate above "all right, I suppose"). Look for a trophy girlfriend everyone will envy at all costs, and you'll never quite have gotten there.

Whereas I've got a trophy bride, whatever the hell anyone else may think, which makes me a pretty darn happy guy.

Dudess

NotShallow wrote: »

Well, i'm a 31 year old guy and i just couldn't be with a girl i wasn't physically attracted to.

Nothing wrong with that - however, you don't know for sure that some day you won't be immediately drawn in other ways to a girl who's not your idea of beautiful. Plus, you say you "just couldn't be with a girl" to whom you're not physically attracted. What do you mean by "with"? Sex? Casual fling? A few dates? A long-term relationship? Getting to know someone whom you don't initially fancy and discovering wonderful things about them seems far more like a recipe for long-term relationship than meeting someone you think is hot and then getting to know them and discovering you're not interested in them for anything other than the physical.
I experienced this three times - guys whom I didn't fancy at all but got to know them, and their personalities were so fantastic that I wasn't long getting to fancy them.

i've only ever gone out with girls i was strongly attracted to and i know in my heart that i would not be happy being with someone that didn't make me go Phwooaaar when i see them. Am i shallow, i don't think so.

You are really if you make up your mind you'll ONLY be in relationships with stunning girls. Again, nothing wrong with only going for looks initially (I'm the same) but ruling out anything else... yeah that's shallow.

any guy who says looks are not important has never been able to pull a good looking girl. FACT.

No it isn't a "FACT". No point in making asshole statements.
A guy who's 35 might say it... yet he could have been interested in nothing other than looks 10 years ago, but he opened his mind since. Actually my brother is a perfect example of that (and no, his looks haven't faded, thus causing him to become less choosy - he's an example of many guys who look better with age).
Looks are important to a lot of people but not to everyone.

To much politically correct BS in this thread.

There's that incorrectly used phrase again.
The OP really likes the girl and imagines this relationship going places, therefore he should stay with her, end of. Actually the question "looks or personality?" is kinda irrelevant here anyway because he's concerned about whether he should worry about what his mates think/say. In this case, looks v personality isn't an issue because he likes the girl, problem solved.

People advising him to stay with her is hardly politically correct bullsh1t.

Poloman

Put it like this. When you are older you both will have lost looks right?

Now do you want to be stuck someone who used to be good looking or someone you can still enjoy waking up with and enjoying each others company?

To me this decision in life is a no brainer.

Dragan

Unregistered wrote: »

I've been seeing this lovely girl the last few weeks. She has a great personality, there is great chemistry between us, and I can see us going on for some time.

Thing is, she's not the greatest looker - now while this doesn't bother me too much, I'm more aware of what others might say and think, especially my friends.

Its very shallow, I know. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation?

You are attracted to her or you wouldn't be seeing her at all.

Also, don't claim it doesn't bother you when clearly it does. Nothing in here tells me your mates have said or done anything, but you seem to feel they will. That is a sign that it's bothering you mate.

Mr. Frost

Personally, I'd look for both. Depending on her personality she doesn't have to be stunning but definitely gernerally an attractive girl. Having said that, you seem to be getting on great with her and the looks thing doesn't seem too big a deal for you so go with it. Everybody's different and it's not shallow to want to be physically attracted to a girl to a higher degree. I think once you've been with very attractive girls it's hard to lower your standards, for me anyway. Sorry if that sounds bad!

dreamlogic

Unregistered wrote: »

I've been seeing this lovely girl the last few weeks. She has a great personality, there is great chemistry between us, and I can see us going on for some time.

Thing is, she's not the greatest looker - now while this doesn't bother me too much, I'm more aware of what others might say and think, especially my friends.

If you're with her you're with her and that's all that matters, or that's all that ought to matter. If your friends don't respect your choice of girlfriend then are they really such good friends after all?
Do not show any sign of weakness in the area of letting on that you care at all about what they think.

STUBBORNGIRL

i would say that looks would initially grab my attention but it would be personality that would keep it!! Who are we to define what good looking is? Everyone has their own taste - What is good looking to me may be ugly to someone else.

Op you really need to make up your own mind - Can you see her getting on with your friends? Can you bring her out in public without being embarrassed of her - if so then i dont see what the problem is! you must fancy her because there is no way you would be hopping into bed with someone that you dont fancy!

If your friends are true friends they will accept her - Ugliness and all dont sweat the small stuff, you are lucky to have a girlfriend, someone who actually wants to spend time with you and be with you! there are alot of others out there worse off!!

Good luck to you!

LegacyUser

OP - I used to be in the same boat as you when I was younger. Very worried what friends would think of girls I was with.

And over the years I've managed to go out with and have casual things with some extremely hot women (far too hot for me).

But you know what?

The only two girls I've ever loved would never turn heads on the street. But I was head over heels for them and thought they were amazing women. People used to comment on how much a 'perfect couple' we were, nobody ever said "Ah sure you've had way hotter than her - what are you at?"