Economy Watch: time to cannibalise your neighbours?

dublinario

At what point in the current economic meltdown is it considered good etiquette to cannibalise your neighbours, and establish a 'perimeter of death' around your property denoted by severed heads on spikes? Whilst understandable, such action could be premature. Old world laws still reign, and you could well be tried for murder.

However, I would suggest it timely to begin cultivating a fearsome reputation as the neighbourhood whacko, casting yourself an automatic choice to become 'Top Dog', and the de facto law when society crumbles. It doesn't have to be big, grand gestures. Subtle signals should suffice, like cutting your car in half with a chainsaw, howling at clouds, or tattooing the words 'I WILL' on your forehead, the word 'KILL' on your left eyelid, and 'YOU' on the right.

ejmaztec

I'm just stocking up on Chianti and Fava beans as any of your suggestions are a tad uncivilised.

Terry

I will you kill?

AnonoBoy

dublinario wrote: »

or tattooing the words 'I WILL' on your forehead, the word 'KILL' on your left eyelid, and 'YOU' on the right.

That's a silly idea because for them to get the message you'll have to close your eyes. So they'll have the jump on you ya mad bastard.

dublinario

Terry wrote: »

I will you kill?

Touche sir...

Nehaxak

Once went out with a girl who I caught one night picking the dead skin from my feet and eating it, while I was asleep ! I woke up from the tickling on my feet and thought she was just messing about.

I stared at her for a good 10 seconds, then went back asleep. Having tried it myself, on my own feet not on others mind, I have to say it's mildly enlightening to eat skin off your feet and the taste is quiet addictive.
Always wondered what it would be like to eat someone elses skin though...

dublinario

AnonoBoy wrote: »

That's a silly idea because for them to get the message you'll have to close your eyes. So they'll have the jump on you ya mad bastard.

I'm not saying I have all the answers, or that my plan is fine-tuned. I'm just saying that, with the banks on the brink of collapse, it might be prudent to establish a climate of fear around your neighbourhood, in which you are believed to be capable of crimes against humanity that would have Jack the Ripper recoiling in horror and calling for restraint. It can only be to your benefit.

In the new world, when strangers come a wandering, you want tales of your menace and blood lust to have spread to the farthest corners of Ireland (excluding Leitrim, where life will continue largely unchanged).

consultech

I would say another 1.1.5% economic contraction and the neighbours are fair game.

dublinario

Nehaxak wrote: »

Once went out with a girl who I caught one night picking the dead skin from my feet and eating it, while I was asleep ! I woke up from the tickling on my feet and thought she was just messing about.

I stared at her for a good 10 seconds, then went back asleep. Having tried it myself, on my own feet not on others mind, I have to say it's mildly enlightening to eat skin off your feet and the taste is quiet addictive.
Always wondered what it would be like to eat someone elses skin though...

Foot skin will get you over a hump, undoubtedly. A little salt, some seasoning, and foot skin will carry you for six months. But what about when the salt's gone, and the seasoning's dried up? Then it's time to graduate from foot skin to face flesh. Hey, I'm not saying I'm happy about any of this. I'm just saying what we're all thinking.

CreepingDeath

dublinario wrote: »

At what point in the current economic meltdown is it considered good etiquette to cannibalise your neighbours

As soon as the country goes without food for 2 consecutive days all laws are null and void.

I believe the Polish taste like swans.

dublinario

consultech wrote: »

I would say another 1.1.5% economic contraction and the neighbours are fair game.

Exactly. That's economics 101. What's more, it doesn't have to be unpleasant, or necessarily violent. If the little ones just climb into the pot, and the parents assume the position to be tied and spit-roasted, the whole thing can pass off with a measure of dignity, and everybody's a winner (except the neighbours). We're all adults. We don't have to be uncivilised just because we're gnawing the bones of people who once borrowed our screwdriver (and didn't give it back, Mr. Smith, you succulent piece of sh*t).

consultech

CreepingDeath wrote: »

As soon as the country goes without food for 2 consecutive days all laws are null and void.

I believe the Polish taste like swans.

Ahhh the irony will be delish!

AnonoBoy

CreepingDeath wrote: »

I believe the Polish taste like swans.

How is your Polish girlfriend by the way?

Oh wait....

Nehaxak

dublinario wrote: »

Foot skin will get you over a hump, undoubtedly. A little salt, some seasoning, and foot skin will carry you for six months. But what about when the salt's gone, and the seasoning's dried up? Then it's time to graduate from foot skin to face flesh. Hey, I'm not saying I'm happy about any of this. I'm just saying what we're all thinking.

Y'know, if you look at a cow right, you can pick out the best parts of it's body to eat, where you'll get the best bit of steak etc.,

Wonder what part of the human body you might get the most tasty meal from and would a skinny person provide more taste than an overweight person ?
Or would a woman taste better than a man ?
This kind of stuff they never discussed in school, really been at a loss my whole life not knowing this and only now during the recession have the real possibilities shown themselves.

Corega

Neighbours...how do you eat yours?

consultech

"you succulent piece of sh*t"

lol

dublinario

CreepingDeath wrote: »

I believe the Polish taste like swans.

Good, because once we've eaten the swans, someday you might want to be reminded of the grace and elegance of the noble swan, and eating a Pole might be your only avenue.

CreepingDeath

Should be easy to spring a trap for the charity bag collectors too.

I'm thinking large anvil hanging over the brightly coloured clothes collection bag at the doorstep.

Nehaxak

CreepingDeath wrote: »

I believe the Polish taste like swans.

Wait wait, does this mean Chinese people will taste like a chicken curry ?
OMG I fcking LOVE chicken curry !

dublinario

In the early days it'll be easy to trap people, with ruses as elementary as a string attached to a stick, that props up a box, under which lies a doughnut on a plate. But as the skeletons pile up in the backyard, and the world descends into unbridled chaos, catching dinner will require more ingenuity.

My own plan is to arrive in semi-deserted outposts posing as a preacher, babbling on about salvation and a promised land where society is still intact. I'll ask everybody to kneel before me and close their eyes, to be blessed, at which time I'll produce a Crobar from my trench coat and bludgeon as many as possible before the penny drops and they scatter.

CreepingDeath

I think now we understand those men who are "feeders".
They've been playing the long game, human farming for the coming recession.