Confused

LegacyUser

I am a male in my late 30s married with two kids. My wife and I have been together since our teens and I care about her and the kids a lot and would not want to hurt them.

Over the last two years I have just not been happy, in work at home and life in general. I have not said anything to my wife about this as I have come to the realisation that I don’t love her anymore and saying this would obviously hurt her.

I don’t want people to think I take this lightly and that I just want to go out and relive my youth but I feel I settle down to young and am now paying the price, I have had no real experience and not just in the sexual way but with getting to know other people and other ways of living.

Maybe it’s a “mid life crisis” I don’t know but what I do know is I can act on it without hurting people around and I can do that so I feel trapped.

I would love other peoples input on this,

Thanks.

Kevster

Hi,

Firstly, try to realise that these recent bad feelings you've been having are applying to everything in your life, and not just your wife. I man, you might very well still love your wife, but this recent bad feeling is 'clouding' your true feelings for her. What I suggest is finding a new direction in your life. You're clearly not happy, so, change things (and I'm not talking about your wife! ).

Whilst saying this, I don't think that it's wise to leave her out of this either. You and her should sit down and have a serious conversation about your melancholic/depressive feelings.

Kevin

Humria

I agree with Kevster. It would be very surprising if your unhappiness was not affecting your feelings towards your wife. Do not do anything rash.

Do you think you may be depressed? If so maybe you should think about seeing your GP. Either way do something about it. Take a look at your life and what you don't like about it and systematically list what you can change to make it better. It may sound simplistic but sometimes you need to reduce problems to their components, rather than looking at the big picture.

IMO while I think talking to your wife about your dissatisfaction with life may be benifital, I don't think you should tell her you don't love her anymore. She may be able to suggest ways of introducing some good changes. Try spend some time alone with her away from the stress of jobs and children if possible and have some fun together. It may be as simple as spending a night in a hotel close to home but it gives a break from routine.

You may think this is a strange suggestion but try get some excerise. It's been clinically proven (I have read the experiment but cannot remember the names, I'll dig it out if it's required) that excerise elevates mood and if taken regularly, can help with depression. It's something I suggest because I found that it really helped me when I was feeling low a few months ago.

Good Luck!

LegacyUser

Thank you for the input guys, some good advice in there. Strange as it may sound I never considered that I may be depressed and it’s something I may have to look into.

As the saying goes “familiarity breeds contempt” maybe I need time on my own, I just feel lost at the moment I want to find out who I am not as a husband or a father but as a single person, I have had someone to consider in every decision I have made in the last 22 years and I know with kids and a wife that could never change but I long for some space and time to think.

I posted here to see is this normal is it what all men or at least some men have to deal with when hitting the big 40 as I down have parents to ask as both my and my wife’s have past away. This leads into another problem with we don’t have any family to leave the kids with if we wanted to go away for even a night to try and sort out things.

I thank you all for your advice it does help and I feel I am starting to do something about how I feel.