Upset and Self-conscious

LegacyUser

I have been with my boyfriend over a year now. I love him to bits and we are pretty much compatible in every way. We make each other very happy and get along extremely well with only one hitch; oral s**.

In my past relationships, I’ve engaged in a fair bit of OS (giving and receiving). I’ve always thought it was normal and counted myself lucky for being with men who enjoyed it as much as I did.

As I said, I’m with my partner now over a year. He performed OS on me the first night we were together, and I was delighted, it was another sign of our compatibility and it meant I wouldn’t have to ask for it awkwardly etc. etc. I returned the favour and fun was had by all.

Things haven’t quite panned out that way, unfortunately. After that first night, he never ever ventured south again. I tried talking to him about it but was fobbed off with silly answers. I made sure I was spotlessly clean. I shaved, got a brazillian, did everything I could think of. I’d never had any complaints from ex’s about tasting funny/bad (quite the opposite actually) but naturally I have started to become paranoid that maybe there is something wrong with me.

Also in the meantime I have gone down on him a few times. He has admitted he prefers penetrative s** to being given oral because it feels better for him (no mention of giving oral though). Fair enough. He knows I enjoy doing it for him, so on the odd (and I mean maybe four times in the last year) time he’d ask me to go south for him, and I wouldn’t usually mind. It had been a while since I’d done this for him though and a few weeks ago we were fooling around and he asks me to do it for him. I said outright ‘no, because it’s never reciprocal and that’s not fair’. So he pipes up and says he’ll do it in a few days when the timing is better for us. I was literally having none of it and still wouldn’t go down on him. We kinda sat in silence for a while and I felt bad for ruining the mood but I was slightly p1ssed off.

At this stage, after so long, I am so wound up and self-conscious about my female bits that I don’t know if I could let him near me let alone enjoy it. He said there was nothing wrong with my female bits but having asked, I know he’s gone down on his ex-girlfriends so the only reason I can come up with that he won’t do it for me is that there is something wrong with me. He now says he’d be happy to do it and it’s something he says he’d enjoy but I don’t really believe him because in fairness, if it’s something he’d have enjoyed, he’d have been down there doing it months ago. When I asked him why he hasn’t bothered he couldn’t really come up with an answer and said that we should just focus on putting things right etc. etc. He said the opportunity hadn’t ‘presented’ itself.

Anyone else been in a similar situation? I have never felt so self-conscious and dirty about my body and the thought of him going down on me now is a complete turn-off.

Suggestions please?

Otis Driftwood

Hi OP.The way this sounds to me is that he simply doesnt like doing it.You have said you take care of yourself hygeine wise so IMO this is the logical answer.He told you he did it with previous girlfriends,that doesnt mean he did,he could just have said that because he thought thats what you wanted to hear.As you pointed out,he says he likes doing it but never acts on it,if he does like doing it then he shouldnt have to be asked.Just ask him outright does he or does he not like doing it but the important thing is not to make it sound like a gun to the head question.Explain to him that his unwillingness to do it is making you paranoid/concious but if he simply isnt comfortable doing it that it is ok.Fact is some people,male and female dont like this particular activity.

LegacyUser

Just because he SAID he did it with other GFs doesn't mean he actually did..Or did so frequently..But even assuming it's true, that doesn't mean he really enjoyed it. Some guys just have hang-ups about performing oral sex or are just lazy...

Perhaps the other GFs forced the issue earlier in the relationship than you did..Maybe that was the only way they could reach orgasm and they basically told him that oral sex was not optional for them? If your other BFs didn't have a problem with your "bits" then I'd go with the assumption that every thing is OK down there.

If you are really paranoid about it, I guess you could try a few things:

-Go to doctor to rule out any infections.

-Always wear 100% cotton underwear that doesn't fit too tightly. Avoid thongs.

-Don't douche. Can make any problems (if there are indeed real, not imaginary problems) worse.

-Don't use any of those feminine deodorant sprays...see above

-Eat plenty of yogurt or kefir

-Avoid wearing too tight clothing made out of synthetic fabrics

-have some fooling around and foreplay in the shower..or even do the oral in the shower. Can be really fun.

-Carry UNSCENTED baby wipes (the sensitive ones made for newborns) in your bag and wipe everything down there thoroughly before sex, front to back

-Sit in a tub of warm water in which you have dissolved some salt to make it saline. Make sure the water gets inside of you. About 15 minutes.

I'm not saying there is anything wrong with the smell or taste of your vagina..But trying those things might help with your confidence.