Just a quick one

Epicpriest

hi there,

ill try make this as quick as i can.

around christmas time i met this girl at a lock in in a pub, i was behind the bar and after a while she asked why i was behind there and to come out to her. we ended up kissing and we switched numbers.
i text her but in the end she said that she's just got out of an 8 year relationship and that she wasn't ready for something else. that was that then.

last week then i was in a club and and she was there, she kept looking over and eventually walked up to me and said she was so sorry about how things went last time, but her head was all over the place. i said something stupid like "ah it's fine, ill know not to ask you out next time eh" and she said "well next time ill say yes". so we swapped numbers again, and she called me a while later as she couldn't get back into where we were, we had a kiss and then i went home.

she said we should meet up, and that she had a few things on on saturday, but if she did make it into town she'd text me.

she didn't, and i've have no contact from her.

should i just presume it's the same story again?
thanks.

biko

No. She didn't make it into town and therefore didn't text.
Give her a ring and ask her out. A ring, not a text.

Epicpriest

ok should i wait until mid week or tonight maybe to call her.

she's a teacher so im sure she'd only be able to do it on weekends.

also wondering, i'd say a girl who's been in a relationship for 8 years would be looking for another relationships as opposed to just flings etc? thats an odd question maybe.

cantdecide

biko wrote: »

No. She didn't make it into town and therefore didn't text.
Give her a ring and ask her out. A ring, not a text.

I really believe in texts in these circumstances.

If he's pushing an open door, he'll know. There's plenty of time for chatting then. If it's not going to happen because she's not in the right place yet, a call might get the desired 'result' he might end up being that pushy guy that wouldn't take no for an answer...

biko

We don't know. You 'll have to find that out for yourself.
Maybe she just wants a bit of fun now for a while before getting serious again.

Ring her tonight or tomorrow. Just ask her out for dinner, doesn't have to be a big deal.
A meal, a kiss and then go home (separately ).

Epicpriest

ah nah i think im just gonna leave it altogether.

she came up to me, and apologised, she stood there holding my hand basically waiting for me to ask her out. and she said she'd contact me, so ill leave it with her.

although doing that probably means it will be another missed opportunity with her

Queen-Mise

Epicpriest wrote: »

ah nah i think im just gonna leave it altogether.

she came up to me, and apologised, she stood there holding my hand basically waiting for me to ask her out. and she said she'd contact me, so ill leave it with her.

although doing that probably means it will be another missed opportunity with her

Would you contact her for flucks sake (:pac:) and ask her out. The first time you have to allow her, its hard coming out of a long term relationship. she may not have been in town at the weekend so hence no text.

Give her a ring and ask her out for a drink, no dinner, if she doesn't answer then text her the same thing, 'would she like to come out for drink'.

If she blows you off this time then walk away. There is a saying for this 'Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me'. she apologised for the first time, allow her a chance to say yes the second time.

And remember there is obviously some form of an attraction there, for ye to have noticed each other twice, go with it and check it out.

My rant over.

petes

I too recently went out with a girl that came out of an eight year relationship. To be honest I think she was just looking for a bit of fun. Pissed me off no end!!

Wait..she worked in education too!!

John Mason

pick up the phone and ring her

text messages are the work of the devil.

i would never reply to a text asking me out or what the story was

venusspearl

I wouldnt ring her she knows the score and that your free and single so i would just leave it. I used to have the same dilemmas until i read the book "hes not that into you" its a film now but havent seen it. It makes things very black and white when coming to relationships and stuff but its cut out me wasting time on time wasters!!

cantdecide

venusspearl wrote: »

I wouldnt ring her she knows the score and that your free and single so i would just leave it. I used to have the same dilemmas until i read the book "hes not that into you" its a film now but havent seen it. It makes things very black and white when coming to relationships and stuff but its cut out me wasting time on time wasters!!

Not to go on and on about it but I agree with this.

However, she may have had a bad breakup- maybe she likes you and is having the same dark voice in her head saying 'he's not that into you'. I would text and say 'I like you and if want to chat, the ball is in your court. I know you're just out of a long relationship and if you're not ready, that's fine too', or something to that effect.

Don't ask her out by text whatever you do.

biko

Epicpriest wrote: »

ah nah i think im just gonna leave it altogether.

although doing that probably means it will be another missed opportunity with her

That's fine. Missing out on opportunities is your choice. It sounds as you're not too bothered about her (besides from starting a thread in PI of course).

missmatty

She had her chance, to be honest, I wouldn't ask twice. Let her ask you out this time

deisebabe

just go for it. theres no harm in contacting her.

you could send a jokey text asking when shes gonna ask you out.

live a little!

Sarah**

Hi, i agree with the whole theory of her not being interested.

Im sorry to say but she would have text regardless on the saturday should she have been interested to say she wasnt in town but raincheck....or something similar to this!

You know maybe give it the benefit of the doubt and give her a chance but i think its really in her court... If i were you i would leave it now and let her contact you but dotn hold your breath!

I wish i would follow my own advice on these issues!

sardineta

Sarah** wrote: »

Hi, i agree with the whole theory of her not being interested.

Im sorry to say but she would have text regardless on the saturday should she have been interested to say she wasnt in town but raincheck....or something similar to this!

You know maybe give it the benefit of the doubt and give her a chance but i think its really in her court... If i were you i would leave it now and let her contact you but dotn hold your breath!

I wish i would follow my own advice on these issues!

Would your advice be gender specific i.e. as a woman you expect to be pursued?

Epicpriest

ok a few mixed resposnses there, im off today so i went bck to bed :P

in response to the person who said i dont sound to bothered, it's not gonna leave me scarred or anything lol, i do seem to get some nice girls tbh but this one seems very nice altogether, brunette, smart, and stunning.

but what i think im trying to work out is, does she just fancy me when she's drunk, or maybe she felt bad when she was drunk about how she turned me down last time? or does she actually fancy me?

she did mention that when we meet at first she's very shy without a few drinks in her and i'd have to do alot of talking...

i instigated the contact after the last time, and she eventually stopped it.
i dont really wanna do it again after she said she'd text me.

sardineta

I'm minded of the Wayne Gretzky quote here:

"You miss 100% of the shots you never take"

LegacyUser

I hate all this "dont text her, ring her stuff"...whats so wrong with a text. Is this a generation thing or something? I hate phone calls so its texting for me and I know which way Id rather be asked out.....anyway, OP Id say she had her chance...TWICE...so id suggest leaving it and if she meets you again dont even give her the time of day. (Then again I have been told I am a stubbron f*ck when it comes to women so my advice may not be the best!)

Epicpriest

ok update, i text her something funny saing she's shy etc, and we were textin for a while, i asked if she was busy friday and she said she had some work night out.

so i said, im gonna leave it with her, if she wants to meet up to pop me a text and said i wouldn't hold my breath jokingly and said good night, she just replied to that with "Night " the wink thingy.

is that it then?

sardineta

Probably. You have to learn how to ask "open" rather than "closed" questions.

e.g. "closed" Are you free this Friday? Answer, no.

"open" When are you free for us to go out again? Answer, ...

Epicpriest

ah i dont like all that messing around, we're both adults, i told her i'd see her around :P

NEXT!

shellyboo

Epicpriest wrote: »

ah i dont like all that messing around, we're both adults, i told her i'd see her around :P

NEXT!

You were the one messing around though with all this if she's not keen then I won't ask crap.

If you just ask her WHEN she wants to meet up, you'll get the straight anwer you're looking for. Jeez.

username123

I think 'she is not that into you' - but i also think that nothing to lose by ringing and asking for a date - if you get a knock back leave it - if not happy days.

but if you dont do it you'll wreck your head with the whole 'opportunity missed' stuff.

Epicpriest

nah it's forgotten about now, number deleted etc.

if it was meant to be it was meant to be! besides im probably to busy for all that stuff again.

cheers guys

Epicpriest

just as a final update, she never contacted me at all after. so if this ever happens to anyone again, you know not to do the things i did hehe

bubblewrap

People like that annoy me, if she isn't ready to even go out for a drink with someone then why is she trying to arrange 2 dates with no intention of going?

You are better off without mate, glad you nipped it in the bud.