What do you think girls?

LegacyUser

Hello,

I am wondering is it possible or wise to get into a relationship where you are not really attracted to a guy but having said that he has a great personality and is a good guy.......maybe eventually you fall in love with this person as you get to know him?

Tks.

dudara

Attraction often comes first, and then love. If the attraction isn't there to start with, then what you've got is a friendship.

You've got to think about your (and his) long term happiness. Attraction and sexual activity (although it may wane with time) is a big part of this.

wylo

Unregistered wrote: »

Hello,

I am wondering is it possible or wise to get into a relationship where you are not really attracted to a guy but having said that he has a great personality and is a good guy.......maybe eventually you fall in love with this person as you get to know him?

Tks.

Well I know your asking the girls, but as a bloke Id be gutted if a girl got involved with me and found out she wasnt attracted to me. IMO its a bit of a nasty thing to do because all your doing is delaying the inevitable break up.

cantdecide

I'm yet another bloke but I agree with the above. I'm sure there are rare cases where love without attraction can occur but you would have to be certain that it were love love. That is not to say that someone can't be a slow burner.

I know I'm a nice guy- it's not a technique or strategy, it's who I am. I'd be disgusted if I thought a girl was with me just because I was 'safe'. I'm no oil painting but I couldn't be with someone I wasn't attracted to and everyone wants to feel desired.

I would say that it would be well worth deciding for a start how far away from being attracted to him you are...

SmokeyJo84

i was in this situation myself recently. Met a guy through a mutual friend, we got on like a house on fire. I thought he was great craic, intelligent, nice etc but wasnt sure if i thought he was goodlooking.

As I got to know him better (we were seeing each other regularly, sleeping together n talking nearly every day etc) for about two months, when I realised that i didn't fancy him at all, and he was a great big child living in a mans body, and very, very insensitive. I was trying to make myself fancy him because he (at first) seemed great in every other way and b) i didnt want to be judgemental or superficial. I ended it with him cos i would hate to think a guy was 'trying' to make himself fancy me.

its not fair on him to lead him on, and its not fair on you to settle for anything less than what u want/deserve.

Nitxteha

You have to be attracted to him. Keep him as a friend and get to know him better, maybe with the time it happens. But for now don't get into something that is going to cause you problems in the future

Twee.

I was in this sort of place recently. I realised it just was not fair on him to be waiting around for me to decide. I felt pretty awful for a few days, but I know this way is better. You do need to think hard about it, weigh up pros and cons.

boarddotie

Was in identical situation about one month ago. I thought maybe I should keep it going as I might begin to find a spark with him (even though I did find him attractive there was no chemistry as they say). Or maybe I should keep it going as it would be nice to have a 'nice' relationship with a 'nice' guy.

But I ended it, I needed more. I know I was told not to base my decisiona round a physical element but IMO if you dont have that at the start it will never really come.

Good luck!

Miss Fluff

Stay friends and if you find yourself developing physical feelings for the guy then go for it but don't start something with someone you don't fancy in the vain hope that you'll wake up some day thinking they are a hottie. Why waste your time being more than friends?

The Corinthian

"You can't make someone love you, but you can stalk them until they give in"

I pursued a woman a few years ago, who simply was not into me - I wasn't her type. However, one evening we went to dinner and two related things happened, that she took notice of.

First was a gypsy, who began to approach our table during the meal; I was in conversation with my date and saw him approach, so without halting our conversation (I was in mid sentience) I discretely through him a glance and shook my finger. He nodded and went off.

Secondly, when calling for the bill, I simply gave the waiter eye contact and motioned for it, again without interrupting our evening.

Apparently, how I carried out these actions caused her to wet herself, although from my perspective I was just behaving as I would normally in such a situation. Romance blossomed thereafter.

The moral of the story is that while first impressions count for a lot, they don't always tell the whole story, and it is worth your while - if you really like a woman - to pursue her, as sometimes there is a delay in getting the sparks flying. But there's a limit to this, and there is a fine line between seduction and stalking, so the trick is knowing when to gracefully bow out.

LegacyUser

Why jump straight into a relationship with the guy? You could see him a few times as friends and see how you feel, no pressure, and no getting his hopes up. It doesn't have to be a relationship at first.

From my own point of view, I've experienced this a good few times - no initial attraction, but as I got to know them better, the more I liked them as a person, the more attractive they became to me.

You can't force it though, you can't 'make' yourself fancy someone.

LegacyUser

This happened me recently, well a few months ago anyhow.

I was majorly into a guy who I knew was a bit of a player but was gorgeous, we'd kissed a couple of times but I didn't want to go there and get my heart broken. Through him I met a guy that he was friendly with(not majorly so but they did mix in the same circles). He was obviously very into me but I just didn't fancy him, lovely lovely guy but not the usual type I go for.

On the advice of my friends I said I give it a shot & went on a date with him... Was very pleasantly surprised. When i got to know him I realised he was funny, confident, just an all round great guy and I actually started fancying him after that. In the end we ended it because he was transferred with work and the long term thing wasn't working out but if things we're different I would be with him again in a heart-beat.

So my advice would be don't rush into a relationship, but get to know him a bit better and see how things go. You might fall head over heels or you might decide it's not for you, either way no-one gets hurt and you won't feel like it's a missed opportunity. I think a good personality can make a guy seem more attractive to a woman, it's not just down to looks as it would be with most men..

cupcake22

I'v tried it, being with someone who has a brilliant personality and is such a nice guy, but there was physical attraction. It lasted all of 2 months. I found after a while i questioned my self so many times as to why I was with him. If there is even a twinkle of attraction you could go the distance but with no physical attraction it will fizzel out quick enough. I told my self as well ''get to know him and I could fall in love'' It never happened.

Talliesin

Am I missing the obvious here, but why?

What's the point of going out with this man if you aren't attracted to him. Is he meant to be like a vibrator that doesn't run out of batteries and can also put up shelves or what?

I'm really not seeing the point.

Besides which, would there not be more chance of a spark arising between the two of you if there wasn't a pressure on your part to make it happen?

panda100

Personally I find that attraction is there or its not. I have got together with guys that I wasn't sexually attracted to and I thought something might grow but It never does.
I think you have to have that spark/chemistry to begin with otherwise you just have a friendship.

Sage'sMama

Nitxteha wrote: »

You have to be attracted to him. Keep him as a friend and get to know him better, maybe with the time it happens. But for now don't get into something that is going to cause you problems in the future

Agree....Don't do it, it's not fair on either of you. If you are meant to be together then gradually as friends it might develop further but not now imo