Losing my confidence and don't know why

LegacyUser

I'm a girl of 21 with a good job, renting a house and have a car etc. I don't really know where to start with this but here goes anyway.
Suppose the first problem is that i have somewhat of a non-relationship with my mother. Over the last few years she makes a point of making me feel really badly about myself when i was normally very confident and outgoing.
For example on an ongoing basis, I am told i need to loose weight. I'm 5'3 and size 8 and happy. She has also on occasion told me that my friends laugh about me behind my back and that i don't really have any friends. Up until lately this wasn't a problem as was always stronger and could deal with it.
Lately though, I have been noticing that some of my friends very blatantly avoid me or something sometimes, I don't know how to put it. For the weekend we went to Galway and i drove in one of the cars. My car was the last car to be full going. I went to visit my friends in college on Thursday and when i asked probably my oldest friend who is also my neighbour did she want a lift home, she said no and asked her cousins to drive her home which was about 40 minutes out of the way from them.
To be honest, i know this sounds stupid compared to some of the problems on here but its beginning to really eat me up inside, so much so that i am paranoid and left sitting here wondering did i say anything to my friend that might have hurt. Im starting to believe my mothers opinions of me and beginning to think that my friends only use me when they want something, as this same friend will never refuse a lift if i offer to drive out.
I was normally confident and happy in myself up to now but i dont like the way im becomeing so paranoid. I spend so much time wondering what if anything i mgiht have done to offend them.
I make a conscious effort not to bitc* about friends as i think if your friends with someone you shouldn't talk behind others backs, some of my friends do this as if its going out of fashion. I just don't know anymore. Is my Mam right? Are my friends laughing at me behind my back or am i just paranoid? PLease help, anyone who can. Sorry for length.

cantdecide

You've said a mouthful

First of all- your mother isn't right. This is an incredibly cruel thing for any mother to say to her child even if she were right which I'm sure she isn't. If she thinks it's acceptable, she's not from this planet. Ignore her- they are the musings of what is probably an unstable personality and especially, don't let them rub off on you. You live alone- you are your own woman.

You are a perfectly healthy weight for your height. You have scope to lose a bit if you want to but if don't want to- there's no reason why it should bother you.

You may very well have an embarassing, small or uncomfortable car- if I'm going on a road trip- I'll look after #1, too. There are an infinite number of reasons why your friend wanted to travel with her cousins. It's extremely unlikely that she was anti- you enough to snub you.

If there is a grain of truth that maybe you do have lousy bitchy friends, it's time to start thinking about replacements. I've had bitchy and judgemental friends in the past and i can assure you that having none is better than enduring them and adjusting your nature and character. It's also important to know that as you get a bit older, you'll begin to realise that what you and your friends get up to is far less important than what you do with your own time. They don't become less important but you start to put yourself first more. Try not to let their bad behaviour get to you now.

bluecell99

Cant really add much more to the previous posters reply and sensible advice.
Just be yourself and stop worrying about others opinions.Dont rely on others so much and what they do/dont think.Its your life.They are far from perfect and maybe better at hiding their own inadequacies.

You are a perfect weight and size and if your mothe makes bitchy comments then she has a problem - not you!You cannot change here so live your life.For you.Let others fit in with what you want.

LegacyUser

Its possible you have unrealistic notions of friendship. Whenever I make a friend I'm excited and loving the person but it doesn't always play out in life. You may be expecting too much from people. Be YOU and let them be them and they'll come to you in their own time.