Sexuality - just don't bloody know!!

LegacyUser

I have been thinking about this for over 10 years - To become a lesbian?
Curious to know what a relationship with a woman would be like
I have kissed girls and liked it; nothing overly passionate just party fueled behaviour - never the less has remained more memorable than many of blokes kisses.

Had 2 long term loving relationships and my heart broken on both counts. My father abused me my brothers hate me and have been violent toward me. Had an abortion as did not want to bring a child into a world when not ready to give them a good start. And there are a load more issues that worked/working through.

Am I seeking solace in something that I think will make me happy?

Whilst currently abstaining from any relations still find men attractive and the thoughts of sex with a man turns me on. With women it is the thought of understanding and kissing- could not imagine anything more unless a man was involved aswell.

Surely if still thinking this 10 years later must be something in it?! I am not prejudice but just never thought I fitted in that box. Does anyone else out there feel like this? Is it somewhat normal sense of sexual curiousity or am I just in denial?

Know something is lacking but is it a sense of unhappiness with myself my life and my past or is it something fairly straight forward?

Dont expect the answers to all the questions - would be great but anyone gone through this or can relate


his is something have never even shared not even with councilers so please dont be cruel
Thanks

LegacyUser

I think it's perfectly normal to wonder and why not experiment a bit if you have a willing party.

I've kissed a few women over the years too and even went as far as recieving a bit if you get my drift, the giving is where I drew the line just wasn't for me.

Still nice hunky man will do it for me most of the time and I'm definitely hetro

LegacyUser

Couple of years ago when I was foot loose and open to experimenting thought sex was bee all and end all. I have since developed a slightly mellower perspective and couldnt be bothered unless they were really hot tall funny smart interesting a little less than boring and single- male or female!

Realise I have a lot of issues and dealing with them is priority at the moment - I just often think I am gay and that is the answer to all my problems!

Guess it not all black and white then.

jmauel

If men turn you on and women don't then you are not gay. I think you are drawn to this lifestyle because you think you would be safer with a woman. Its totally normal to be sexually curious, but thats all it is , curiosity. I think its the abuse and the heartbreak you are trying to get away from. There is no guarantee that a woman won't break your heart either. I hope you find the answers you are looking for.

LegacyUser

It sounds to me like you're looking for companionship in a woman more so than a physical relationship. If you are not sexually attracted to wmoen then theres no way you could have a relationship unless its friendship, as sex is a huge part of every relationship, if you get my drift

LegacyUser

Bisexual perhaps?

MagicMarker

You're not a lesbian.

You have (completely understandable) issues with men that you need help with, my only advice would be to see a professional.