Unfriendly flatmate

LegacyUser

I have a bit of a problem at the moment with my living arrangements. Basically, I moved to a new country on my own about a month ago. As I was on my own, I was hoping to find a flatshare so I could meet others around my own age, have a chat after work in the evenings and so on. It was quite difficult to find a place, and I ended up moving in with just one girl. It's her flat and she needs someone to help with the rent and bills. At first it was OK, but now I get the feeling she dislikes me for some reason. No idea why - I've always been told I was a great flatmate, previous flatmates were sorry to see me go etc. I'm not messy, not loud, not inconsiderate or any other 'annoying' qualities in a flatmate.

I'm not the 'needy' type - I can perfectly well spend time alone, but I like to talk to the people I live with, otherwise it's just awkward. This girl just doesn't talk to me. She might say hello when she comes in, but otherwise it's me making all the effort. I just get the feeling she doesn't want me here, and it's a purely financial decision, which I think is really unfair on me. She could at least make the effort to be civil, that's all I want! She chats on the phone for hours at a time and when she's not on the phone, she watches TV. I have no internet connection in my room so I have to sit out in the living room to do work stuff in the evenings, and she barely says two words to me. We're both home tonight and she's watching a film - I said a couple of things to make conversation during the ad breaks and got one word answers back. I'm just really disappointed - I had at least hoped to be able to have a chat.

When she brings friends over, she doesn't even introduce us, just leaves me sitting there like an idiot struggling in a language I don't speak well as her friends try to make awkward conversation, and then I hear her criticising me for not making an effort to speak it. I do try my best, I'm very outgoing, but I hate sitting there feeling like a spare part. Either ignore me or include me, but don't talk about me when I'm sitting there and make me feel stupid! I don't know if her problem is that I'm not speaking the language much, but when I moved in she told me she was happy to have someone to speak English with. I asked her to speak the language of the country but she never does! I can't understand what the problem is. I just don't know what to do. I do not like feeling like an uninvited guest in my own home, but it'd be a real hassle to move.

LegacyUser

Seems to me she just wants her money and screw you.. I would honestly move out. Your paying money to be disrespected in your own home!!! you pay rent.. Your intitled to feel comfortable. Where are you staying.. ???

Salome

I really feel for you OP. It's not a nice feeling to be uncomfortable in your own home.

I had a friend who let a room in her house - purely for financial reasons - the guy who rented the room wanted to make friends with her and join her on nights out etc which she wasn't interested in - it was a financial arrangement in her view.

Perhaps you should look around for a flat-share with similar people as yourself - new to the country and looking to be sociable?

LegacyUser

I'm on the continent. I did want a flatshare with other people in the same boat but I found it quite difficult to get a place, and as I was living in a hostel, I jumped at the chance for this place. The girl was really nice at first, brought me to the supermarket in her car, ate dinner together, even said she was happy I'd moved in but now things seem to be different. And I just don't know why! I think she might have a problem with white people (she's black) but if that were the case I don't know why she'd have asked me to move in. It's so odd. She's also just informed me that she's charging 50 e more rent than what we agreed, so I think that'll be my excuse to move out. If I were happy here I'd accept it, but I'm not paying all that money to feel like a spare part. Might look for a studio flat on my own for April and inform her in March that I'm leaving.

The worst part is I really don't get what I've done wrong! And why she went from telling me she was happy I moved in to being mean to me. I really don't know if maybe it's in my head (she's having a hard time at work and looking for a new job) or she hates me. I know she definitely only wanted me here to help with the rent and to me, she makes that very clear which is just rude in my opinion. I don't want to be 'tolerated' in a place I'm paying over the odds to live in! I could get my own place for this rent!

bluecell99

Hi there,

sorry to hear about your situation;it has happened me in the past.Basically you are living with a disgusting ignoramus.She feigned interest and friendliness and now her true colours are showing.

Move out immediately,even if you have to hostel it or b and b for a bit.

Gather your self esteem and go.Dont even tell here.She wants your money and nothing else.You do not need nasty liars in your life.

Best of luck.The hassle now will be so worth it for you.

sunnyside

vlonely wrote: »

The worst part is I really don't get what I've done wrong!

or she hates me. I know she definitely only wanted me here to help with the rent and to me, she makes that very clear which is just rude in my opinion. I don't want to be 'tolerated' in a place I'm paying over the odds to live in! I could get my own place for this rent!

I'd be very surprised if it was personal or anything you've done wrong. She's probably just realised that she prefers to live alone.

Maybe she put the rent up so that you would move out, again not personal.

mikemac

I wouldn't say it's personal.
She doesn't see you a housemate, you're someone to help out with the mortgage.
Maybe she is under financial pressure, you mentioned problems at work.

Hey she probably resents you watching "her" TV. Out of interest, have you taken the remote and watched something you wanted and she didn't want? If so, however she reacted would tell you a lot


Just find somewhere else.

cantdecide

I used to take these occasions when someone won't reciprocate to heart. Now, if someone is giving me the cold shoulder, I just sit it out.

I picked up a hitchhiker recently who I realised very quickly he was an anti-socilal w*nker. I gave him the old 'where are you going' and 'how long were you waiting' etc. He just plopped into the car and wouldn't say a word beyond the essential. I decided that neither would I. We sat there in perfect silence. He did tell me vaguely where he was going but when I got near, i decided he'd have to sing for his supper so I kept the shoe in. He f*cking well piped up then:D He hopped out without saying anything and neither did I. I remember thinking ''Gotcha ya bastid".

Sorry bout the tale but I find it's a fantastic technique. Think of it as holding a mirror up to them. The most important bit is to stop giving a sh*t about them.

LegacyUser

I'm just annoyed cos its harder for me to get somewhere else now - most leases are for 6 months minimum and I've already been here a month! Grrr. B&B/hostel isn't really an option either as they get very expensive in the long term and I'm working full time so need my sleep etc.

About the TV, I've had that problem everywhere I've lived, someone who hogs the TV and doesn't let anyone else watch it. I've never said anything as I barely watch TV anyway. I find a lot of people just too selfish to be sharing flats and as a result I too want to live alone cos I'm tired of considering other people when they don't consider me.

Agh what a crap situation!

LegacyUser

OP why dont you just ask her straight out? ask her if she doesnt want you living there or if you done something to annoy her

yellowcurl

Move out asap. I have some sort of an idea where you're coming from.

I'm currently living in an apartment with other girls (in dublin though, not on the continent). Unfortunately my dad died two months ago and other than them attending the funeral, I didn't hear anything from them after that. Literally no texts or anything. I am still living in the apartment as my rent is paid up until May and i can't afford to move out but it's such an awful feeling walking into the kitchen and saying hello and trying to make some sort of conversation (making the effort) and just getting one word answers.

I know some people find it hard to know what to say when something like this happens, but they know i don't expect them to say anything about it. But I am still being completely ignored.

If i could afford to move out at all, i totally would because it really is an upsetting environment to be living in. Try searching through all ads on the internet for places to rent, or ask people in work if they know anywhere that would be suitable to rent.

UnderpantsGnome

I agree that it's likely she's upped the rent in order to coerce you into moving out. From what you describe she seems a bit cowardly. On the other hand, if she thinks she can walk all over you then she would have no problem chancing her arm. If you have any kind of lease or formal arrangement set up then tell her that you have agreed to pay a certain price and she cannot increase the price until the agreement has expired.

Try not to be too downhearted, it would be a shame to let this person ruin your fantastic opportunity. I would advise you to get out and join some clubs if you can. You'll get out of the house for a few hours, meet other people, maybe they will even know of a house-share oppurtunity for you. You could make like-minded friends who are in a similiar situation and end up renting somewhere together.