Today I realised I suffer from social and performance anxiety

LegacyUser

Hi everybody, Im in my mid 20s, all my life Ive always been the slightly more nervous one, or the shyer one, but not to the point where it affected me in any major way. Ive always had many friends, in the past I used meet and go out with women, and to me, my life seemed the same as anyone else. Naturally I had a fear of public speaking to the point of shaky hands and legs, but from reading on the net it seemed very common.

But during the week a few of us had to show our boss that we could do something(to do with electrics, very small and accurate hand movement). My hands started shaking and I felt sick, Ive been able to do this for years. But later on it got worse when I had to show him, more people watched on and I literally couldnt keep my hand ANY way still. I could even hear whispering in the background, a few of the lads just surprised that was all.

This got me really really down and was deeply embarrassing, so I went on the net to do a bit of reading , and things seem worse than I ever thought, what I thought was just a small bit of nervousness seems to be something alot worse.
I eventually found this list of things that trigger anxiety:

- Acting, performing, or giving a talk in front of audience
- Talking to people in authority
- Expressing opinions
- Job interview
- Expressing disagreement
- Speaking up at a meeting
- Responding to criticism
- Giving a report to a group
- Giving and receiving compliments
- Eating in public places
- Asking for a date
- Drinking in public places
- Answering personal questions
- Urinating in a public bathroom
- Meeting strangers
- Being the center of attention
- Calling someone unfamiliar
- Entering a room when others are already seated
- Returning goods to a store
- Going to a party
- Making eye contact
- Giving a party
- Resisting a high-pressure salesperson
- Joining on-going conversations
- Making mistakes in front of others
- Participating in small groups
- Taking a test
- Bumping into someone you know


I can honestly say 80% or 90% of that list makes me get very uncomfortable, I get a slight nautious nervous feeling that I probably wouldn't have paid too much attention to in the past.
Ive even avoided sex in the past few years, with the exception of a few very drunken "confident" nights because of a fear of not getting it up (its happened before)

In one way Im relieved that all this can be explained, but in another way Im very down about the fact that I have some sort of more serious social problem.
The weird thing is I can often be the loudest or funniest in a group. To other people I am quite a social normal guy.

That incident in work really put all eyes on me, and now when I do the same thing I keep thinking people are watching my hands which makes me nervous. They're trying to help, telling me relax and take deep breaths etc, but them acknowledging it and picking me out is making it much much worse. I wouldnt mind , but for a bunch of lads theyre being really really sound about it, the ironic thing is Id prefer them just take the piss out of me and get on with their own work so I can relax.

Sorry for the long rant, but Im wondering has anyone else had this problem and did they over come it.

LegacyUser

Ok, you need to get a bit of perspective here, you're letting the nervousness snowball. The things on that list are things that a huge percentage of the population would experience some form of anxiety over. Don't be going online and diagnosing yourself with some syndrome that you probably don't even have, you'll only make yourself feel worse.

The incident with your boss - sounds like just a dose of nerves. I think we've all been there at some point. Brush it off, laugh at it if it helps. Everyone understands an attack of the shakes in a situation like that, it's really not a big deal.

What you're doing is letting yourself get worked up over things that it's normal to be nervous about, and that just makes you even worse. Take it from someone who knows - I've had terrible issues with this kind of stuff in the past and still do sometimes. You can't let it take over though. Deep breath and get on with it - you don't have to be perfect, so what if you're nervous. Don't let it put you off trying though, don't let the fear of trying paralyse you - that's a lot harder to break out of, trust me.

puglover

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi everybody, Im in my mid 20s, all my life Ive always been the slightly more nervous one, or the shyer one, but not to the point where it affected me in any major way. Ive always had many friends, in the past I used meet and go out with women, and to me, my life seemed the same as anyone else. Naturally I had a fear of public speaking to the point of shaky hands and legs, but from reading on the net it seemed very common.

But during the week a few of us had to show our boss that we could do something(to do with electrics, very small and accurate hand movement). My hands started shaking and I felt sick, Ive been able to do this for years. But later on it got worse when I had to show him, more people watched on and I literally couldnt keep my hand ANY way still. I could even hear whispering in the background, a few of the lads just surprised that was all.

This got me really really down and was deeply embarrassing, so I went on the net to do a bit of reading , and things seem worse than I ever thought, what I thought was just a small bit of nervousness seems to be something alot worse.
I eventually found this list of things that trigger anxiety:

- Acting, performing, or giving a talk in front of audience
- Talking to people in authority
- Expressing opinions
- Job interview
- Expressing disagreement
- Speaking up at a meeting
- Responding to criticism
- Giving a report to a group
- Giving and receiving compliments
- Eating in public places
- Asking for a date
- Drinking in public places
- Answering personal questions
- Urinating in a public bathroom
- Meeting strangers
- Being the center of attention
- Calling someone unfamiliar
- Entering a room when others are already seated
- Returning goods to a store
- Going to a party
- Making eye contact
- Giving a party
- Resisting a high-pressure salesperson
- Joining on-going conversations
- Making mistakes in front of others
- Participating in small groups
- Taking a test
- Bumping into someone you know


I can honestly say 80% or 90% of that list makes me get very uncomfortable, I get a slight nautious nervous feeling that I probably wouldn't have paid too much attention to in the past.
Ive even avoided sex in the past few years, with the exception of a few very drunken "confident" nights because of a fear of not getting it up (its happened before)

In one way Im relieved that all this can be explained, but in another way Im very down about the fact that I have some sort of more serious social problem.
The weird thing is I can often be the loudest or funniest in a group. To other people I am quite a social normal guy.

That incident in work really put all eyes on me, and now when I do the same thing I keep thinking people are watching my hands which makes me nervous. They're trying to help, telling me relax and take deep breaths etc, but them acknowledging it and picking me out is making it much much worse. I wouldnt mind , but for a bunch of lads theyre being really really sound about it, the ironic thing is Id prefer them just take the piss out of me and get on with their own work so I can relax.

Sorry for the long rant, but Im wondering has anyone else had this problem and did they over come it.

Oh God that's me too... I take a valium for the big things like making a presentation in front of a group but most of the time just have to get on with it...

Overheal

Cognitive Behavior Therapy might be something you want to both look into. It sounds like a case of not wanting to do the wrong thing, rather than wanting to do the right thing. I know thats half empty/half full logic but when you are focused on ways to succeed versus ways to fail I find the outcome always ends up much better than expected.

puglover

Overheal wrote: »

Cognitive Behavior Therapy might be something you want to both look into. It sounds like a case of not wanting to do the wrong thing, rather than wanting to do the right thing. I know thats half empty/half full logic but when you are focused on ways to succeed versus ways to fail I find the outcome always ends up much better than expected.

Might be an idea...I've done the cd's which have actually helped slightly.

I'm actually not half as bad as I used to be, I can remember one episode where I had an interview and when I got to the reception area I turned on my heal and left, just couldn't face it.

It's really just the big things now that scare me now...presentation in front of a board room of senior managers and the like. If I accidently find myself being the centre of attention in a social setting a fight or flight feeling kicks in and I usually find an excuse to fly...hmmm must go to the bar/loo. Its quite silly when I think about it :pac:

dave.omeara

Unregistered wrote: »

I eventually found this list of things that trigger anxiety:

- Acting, performing, or giving a talk in front of audience
- Talking to people in authority
- Expressing opinions
- Job interview
- Expressing disagreement
- Speaking up at a meeting
- Responding to criticism
- Giving a report to a group
- Giving and receiving compliments
- Eating in public places
- Asking for a date
- Drinking in public places
- Answering personal questions
- Urinating in a public bathroom
- Meeting strangers
- Being the center of attention
- Calling someone unfamiliar
- Entering a room when others are already seated
- Returning goods to a store
- Going to a party
- Making eye contact
- Giving a party
- Resisting a high-pressure salesperson
- Joining on-going conversations
- Making mistakes in front of others
- Participating in small groups
- Taking a test
- Bumping into someone you know

The majority of these usually make me feel, uneasy would be the word I'd use. More butterflies in the stomach then nautious. Or uncomfortable, like everyone is watching and judging. And to be honest I would never have put it down to anxiety. I just thought that, that was me.
Fortunately I'm in a job that is more behind the scenes, so I don't have to deal with some of them to often, and try to avoid some of the others whenever I can, which probably isn't the right way to go.

mac123

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi everybody, Im in my mid 20s, all my life Ive always been the slightly more nervous one, or the shyer one, but not to the point where it affected me in any major way. Ive always had many friends, in the past I used meet and go out with women, and to me, my life seemed the same as anyone else. Naturally I had a fear of public speaking to the point of shaky hands and legs, but from reading on the net it seemed very common.

But during the week a few of us had to show our boss that we could do something(to do with electrics, very small and accurate hand movement). My hands started shaking and I felt sick, Ive been able to do this for years. But later on it got worse when I had to show him, more people watched on and I literally couldnt keep my hand ANY way still. I could even hear whispering in the background, a few of the lads just surprised that was all.

This got me really really down and was deeply embarrassing, so I went on the net to do a bit of reading , and things seem worse than I ever thought, what I thought was just a small bit of nervousness seems to be something alot worse.
I eventually found this list of things that trigger anxiety:

- Acting, performing, or giving a talk in front of audience
- Talking to people in authority
- Expressing opinions
- Job interview
- Expressing disagreement
- Speaking up at a meeting
- Responding to criticism
- Giving a report to a group
- Giving and receiving compliments
- Eating in public places
- Asking for a date
- Drinking in public places
- Answering personal questions
- Urinating in a public bathroom
- Meeting strangers
- Being the center of attention
- Calling someone unfamiliar
- Entering a room when others are already seated
- Returning goods to a store
- Going to a party
- Making eye contact
- Giving a party
- Resisting a high-pressure salesperson
- Joining on-going conversations
- Making mistakes in front of others
- Participating in small groups
- Taking a test
- Bumping into someone you know


I can honestly say 80% or 90% of that list makes me get very uncomfortable, I get a slight nautious nervous feeling that I probably wouldn't have paid too much attention to in the past.
Ive even avoided sex in the past few years, with the exception of a few very drunken "confident" nights because of a fear of not getting it up (its happened before)

In one way Im relieved that all this can be explained, but in another way Im very down about the fact that I have some sort of more serious social problem.
The weird thing is I can often be the loudest or funniest in a group. To other people I am quite a social normal guy.

That incident in work really put all eyes on me, and now when I do the same thing I keep thinking people are watching my hands which makes me nervous. They're trying to help, telling me relax and take deep breaths etc, but them acknowledging it and picking me out is making it much much worse. I wouldnt mind , but for a bunch of lads theyre being really really sound about it, the ironic thing is Id prefer them just take the piss out of me and get on with their own work so I can relax.

Sorry for the long rant, but Im wondering has anyone else had this problem and did they over come it.

I think i have something similar, not as bad as 80-90% of the things on the list though. For me its mainly public speaking/presentations, dont really like being the centre of attention either!
Iv basically avoided all presentations that iv had to do in college in the past 2years, which has lowered my grades quiet a bit!

girlbiker

suffer really? Doesnt everyone get nervous about everything on that list?? I could prob add a few more too! :rolleyes: Doesnt mean I have a disorder or anything that requires a label, I get nervous when things are a bit scarey....so do you, so what, do it all anyway?
If you think you get more nervous than other people you might be right but in that case you are braver than all those other people too for going out and living life even though you feel alot of anxiety so go you and get on with it!!

LegacyUser

Thanks I appreciate the replies, maybe its just common nervousness , Im not sure, but that incident in work felt like something worse than that, I couldnt perform basic functions because of my hands shaking. I let it build and build to a point where I was wondering was I going to faint.
@Overheal , your spot on there cause I never ever want to do the wrong thing, and thats in all walks of life, I want a conversation with someone to be perfect , I find myself constantly not wanting to let myself down, even something simple like throwing a set of keys to someone I judge in my head whether it was ok or not.
I used make music and often never let anyone here it because of the fear of them not liking it.
@puglover, that interview incident sounds horrible, i know how you feel though, ive done that kind of thing myself a few times, good to see the cds have helped.
Ill look into Cognitive behaviour therapy and see what it involves.