Men and their first love

LucyDaly

Hi
I am new to boards but decided to join up to get peoples opinions on a man's ability to stay faithful in a relationship.
To cut a long story short, I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now, we're both 25! I am head over heels in love with him and he is my best friend. He always tells me I'm the only woman for him and I do believe him.
However, his mother was chatting to me when I called over and he wasn't home.. just general chit chat.. and then she proceeded to say
''u need to be very careful with craig, hes very young and he may need to sew his wild oaths''
Although she said it in passing conversation, my heart sank when she did.
I am his first girlfriend and he didn't sleep with many girls before me.
Is his mum right? Do guys need to have sex with many women before setttling?
Could it work for us or will he end up resenting me and cheating or leaving?

omb0wyn5ehpij9

Nobody can answer those questions for you apart from your bf i'm sorry to say!

Nitxteha

That depends on the person, not necessarily. Don't worry if you don't have any other reasons to worry about him. Tell him what his mum said and ask him why he thinks she said so.

Does his mum like you? How do you get on with her? Maybe she's just projecting her thoughts. She may think he is too young to have such a serious relationship and he's missing something.

However what matters is what he thinks or what he wants, not his mum's coments (with all due respect to her

MagicMarker

I think for anyone to be in such a long term relationship at such an age there will ALWAYS be a chance (a good one IMO) that one person in the relationship will want to break free and experience the world on their own for a while.

Will this happen to you and/or your boyfriend? I dunno.

I know lots of people men and women, who are very happy with their one and only.
I suspect an Irish mamies agenda.

declanx

Yep as Moonbaby says its an Irish mamies agenda. My wife alaways say's there is no woman good enough for our 2 boys.
I'd say if he had a normal up bringing the chances of cheating is lessened.

LucyDaly

OP here- Nitxteha, I get along well enough with his Mum. But I think you're right saying his Mum could think he's too young to have such a serious relationship. She kinda said it like ''oh men need to sew their wild oaths, you know'' I'd hate to think this is true. I honestly don't want to have sex with any other men and would love if he felt the same.
Declan, what do you mean when you say a normal upbringing? Craig comes from a one parent family.
Additionally, I would like to add that in the first year of our togetherness, we were almost inseparable. Nowadays however, nights out with his mates appear to be the better option. Sometimes I get annoyed with him at the frequency by which he goes out, many nights in a row and because he knows how I feel, he often lies to me and tells me he's somewhere he isn't. (out with the family instead of in the pub/club)
My next question is: If he could lie to me about small things so blatantly, is there a high chance he could cheat on me? ?
Is there any way of finding out if he ever would?

lol5605

You are with him 5 years, the goverment sees yous as married.

Monkey61

OP it is only natural that after 5 years in a relationship you would be spending more time with friends, getting your own lives and identities back on track after a long period of inseperableness - that is only natural and healthy.

As others have said, it is probably only natural for mothers to want the best for their children and to want to make sure that they live life to the full before settling down. You guys are very young to have started a life long relationship - that isn't to say that it won't work, but one never knows what the future will bring.

There is no more chance of him cheating on you than of anyone cheating on you. There is possibly a slightly higher chance of the relationship failing for both of you compared to if you were ten years older now, but these are the risks that one has to take. Relationships are always risky, but you can't get bogged down in worrying about fidelity and a million scenarios that might happen at a vague unspecified time in the future.

He may well cheat on you, as you may on him. He may also murder you with an axe tomorrow - but there is no point in sitting around fretting about it because that will only ruin the relationship that you have now.

Sounds a lot like Mammy is a bit jealous of all the time he's spending with you.

LucyDaly

LucyDaly wrote: »

Additionally, I would like to add that in the first year of our togetherness, we were almost inseparable. Nowadays however, nights out with his mates appear to be the better option. Sometimes I get annoyed with him at the frequency by which he goes out, many nights in a row and because he knows how I feel, he often lies to me and tells me he's somewhere he isn't. (out with the family instead of in the pub/club)
My next question is: If he could lie to me about small things so blatantly, is there a high chance he could cheat on me? ?
Is there any way of finding out if he ever would?

I should expect him to be out with mates after 5 years of being with you. The first year of being inseparable is lovely, but it's not sustainable or necessarily healthy over the long term if you're not out socialising with friends. You need to do the same thing as he is.
What I'd be worried about is the lying. Make sure you're not making too big a deal of it and pressuring him into a corner. And NO it has nothing to do with the possibility of cheating :rolleyes:
Just make sure you're both getting your own space.
Ignore the mammy and her "wild oats". Don't let a comment like that send you into this doubting spiral, it may ultimately end up ending a relationship which would otherwise have been perfectly fine.

SarahSassy

OP, I finished with an ex over 6 years ago and have known him and his Mother for aprox 9 years. She and I are in touch more than himself and myself and she is very fond of me. However, when we were together (and she is not Irish so its not the Irish Mammy syndrome) she told me she didnt think he was in love with me and she was right... I knew it myself but most importantly for you, she could see what I would not admit to seeing...

He was lying about a lot of things too and eventually we broke up.. I do think the Mother could be protective but sometimes parents know their kids better than we do and they also have the benefit of comparing the BF and how he treats us with the way he treated previous GF's and maybe she sees or knows something is lacking...

Lying is not excuseable.

LegacyUser

I know a couple that have been together for almost 20 years.
He was her first boyfriend and she was his first girlfriend.
So it is possible

Nitxteha

ok, so there are more issues here, he is lying to you. It's normal that he needs his space (and you should get yours too) but the fact that he's lying to you for you not to get angry, is wrong. You should sort that out with him and set rules you both agree on.

Maybe her Mum knows he lied to you and she's warning you in a way (not that he may be chating but he's lying and that may hurt you).

Why don't you try to detach from him a bit (go on holiday without him, take up a hobbie, a course, whatever that keeps you busy... have limited time for him) so that he misses you and wants to spend time with you again? Make him chase you again..you don't need to break up but keep your distance..

LegacyUser

Been there done that, was with a girl from the age of 16-24, in the end I just ran for the hills cos I ended up resenting her, she took away the best years of my life and I'll regret it forever, set your bf free before he cheats.

time lord

Yes its normal either way i think. I wouldn't advise to go either way. On a personal note I was faithful to two long term girlfriends before I married. The second relationship was for three years and at the very end of the three years I shifted her best mate. We're married 12 years now with 3 kids, all good so far. And I do regret being so faithful as a boy friend. Its not a mini marriage, being faithful after you've made a commitment for life is far more important than being faithful to the one with the "claddagh" ring turned backwards.

cowzerp

Unregistered wrote: »

set your bf free before he cheats.

Stupidity at its best, no wonder you went unregistered..

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Do guys need to have sex with many women before setttling?

Same questions could be asked about women. It's not a gender thing, but a personal thing. It's not a necessity for the survival of the male species to go mad and have sex with lots of women...

fifomania

Every relationship is different. If what his Mother said worries you, you should mention it to him and ask him what he thinks.
But I don't like this whole 'men have to sew their oats' thing, it's like giving them a free pass to misbehave! Men don't need sex to live, so it's up the individual whether they will cheat or not.
Also, I can understand where you are coming from when you say it annoys you when he goes out so much. But the fact that he has to lie to you isn't right. I'd try and put that in order.
As another poster said, you should take time out for you and rekindle the things that you enjoyed before you were together or anything that you've neglected. It shouldn't mean you's are drifting apart, it just means you are two individuals with your own lives

Sephiroth_dude

you should just sit him down and talk to him about it.