Am I mental?!

LegacyUser

I met this guy a few weeks ago and we met up three times since. I did like but not overly so. I think I definitely still like a previous guy and found it hard to forget that one.
Anyway, me and the new guy ended up in bed together twice. The first night, nothing really happened but we were naked. He insisted on the light being off (which I found kind of annoying to be honest) Anyway like I said, nothing really happened that night. When it was morning, I noticed he had his tshirt on, but only this and was surprised to find he "was cold". I saw him again the following night and he came back to my place and some foreplay happened (me naked, him fully clothed) then he said "can we turn the light off" I asked him why and he said "So we can sleep" So i said, "oh you want to sleep, ok." turn off the light but then he clearly doesn't want to sleep but wants the light off. Clearly he is self concious about something. Then I remembered the tshirt thing from the previous night. While we are getting down to it, he kept moving my hands up above my head so I wouldn't touch his chest. I could however feel his chest touching mine and noticed that he might have male breasts? (not sure if this is the correct term, but actually really small , but pitch black i can't see them anyway) It would make sense if he wouldn't let me touch his chest.

Now comes my problem. I started to get a weird thought in my head about him and how maybe he's not completely a him while we were having sex. I know that sounds terrible because plenty of guys have male breasts but then his genitalia led me to doubt it too. I've had many sexual partners but his bits seemed different..
Anyway all this weird thoughts kept running through my head while we were having sex like what if he's actually a girl!?! or he was born a girl, had a sex change and the hormones haven't fully gotten rid of the breasts.. or was born with both xy chromosones and then I felt like i needed to confirm what I thought about his genitals, so I had a feel and an image flashed into my head of surgically made up testicles. They hung rather low. I couldn't have sex with him anymore at that stage because that was all I could think about and imagining his penis was actually a clitoris and I had to stop in the middle and make some excuse about being tired. I went really weird.
What my problem is is MY reaction and my thoughts about this. How the hell did that idea even get into my head. The following morning was akward and later he called to ask was everything ok today and I just told him it wasn't. I didn't tell him why but I told him I didn't think it would work. He said "Ok I just wanted to know whether it was something to do with me or something else." I said it was something else. I really like him but don't think I could ever do anything physical with him again after that which is such a pity because he told me he likes me a lot.
I'm really upset with myself for thinking such things. That's the first time I've ever thought that or anything like that. (I'm also not a homophobe, the idea of having sex with a girl does not repulse me in the slightest.)
Whats wrong with me?! It's highly unlikely that he was born a "hermaphrodite"! I feel really awful. Its really not normal to have thought something like that and have to stop having sex, isnt it?

Anyone shed any light?

(i know this must sound really made up but i promise its not. i feel kind of mental!)

Lollipops23

wait did he have a penis?did he have testicles?maybe he just has overly developed breast tissue,it happens quite a bit.he maybe very self conscious.i highly,highly doubt that he's a she.

LegacyUser

Yes he has a penis (of good length but not so much width) and yes he has testicles. But I think they were just slightly different from what I was used to and my mental head thinking oh they're not real testicles, fake ones. WTF?!

No, I don't think he is a she either.. but why would I initially think something like that?! Is that normal that i should think such a weird thing whilst we're having sex and then just have to stop?!

LegacyUser

I think you should talk to him before you start jumping to conclusions. It sounds like you're pretty sure he's not all what you're used to down below but I'm not sure what exactly you mean. Male breasts/gynecomastia can be apparent for all sorts of non weird reasons including particular medication use, liver problems etc. He may well even have some chromosomal abnormality that makes him somewhat ambiguous in terms of genitalia. And as a result it may be hard for him to be with someone, talk about it, be comfortable etc. So be tactful.

poisonated

I strongly doubt he is a she... maybe you are sub-consciously nervous/intimidated.I dont know much about you so thats only really a shot in the dark but maybe something to think about???

star-pants

The first line in the post says you like someone else which casts shadows on you pursuing this new guy anyway.

If you feel there's an issue there, just sit him down and talk to him - you can say you've noticed he's a bit shy and that you'd like to help with that. (or something along those lines) And see if he will open up a bit.
It could just be self consciousness about his image/body, and it's quite hard to confide in people sometimes.

sardineta

You may not be mental, but it sounds like he is. Ask yourself if you really need a project.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I think you should talk to him before you start jumping to conclusions. It sounds like you're pretty sure he's not all what you're used to down below but I'm not sure what exactly you mean. Male breasts/gynecomastia can be apparent for all sorts of non weird reasons including particular medication use, liver problems etc. He may well even have some chromosomal abnormality that makes him somewhat ambiguous in terms of genitalia. And as a result it may be hard for him to be with someone, talk about it, be comfortable etc. So be tactful.

The more I've thought about it, and looked up gynecomastia, I have realised that is what it must be. But for some reason it freaked me a little and then i was imagining things about his genitalia. I'm sure his testicles only didn't feel normal to me because I had the other idea in my head (maybe). The thing is, if he wants to be in the dark I can't really tell apart from how it feels.

star-pants wrote: »

The first line in the post says you like someone else which casts shadows on you pursuing this new guy anyway.

If you feel there's an issue there, just sit him down and talk to him - you can say you've noticed he's a bit shy and that you'd like to help with that. (or something along those lines) And see if he will open up a bit.
It could just be self consciousness about his image/body, and it's quite hard to confide in people sometimes.

Yeah i know that. I did like somebody else for a good while and we were kind of seeing each other but then he just stopped making an effort so basically the first guys not interested so I decided to forget him and try move on. Just so happens I meet the second guy. I know I still like the first guy, and I can't help that, i just do.
Ideally I should be with no one until I get over the first guy but as it was just a fling of sorts, i didn't see the problem if i was to meet someone else. i didn't really pursue the second guy, it was more the other way around. he really likes me and made a big effort so it was easy to say yes to meeting him again.


I would talk to him about it but i think its a little late now. He figured something was up and asked me and i told him "its all a bit much for me." and he said "well think about it and we'll talk later, he didnt want to pressure me" and then i just had to tell him i didnt think it could work. (i mentioned i wasnt over someone else, not a lie!!) and he accepted this. i think now, it just wouldnt work. im just trying to figure out whats going on with my head!

thanks for the replies

star-pants

The second guy may just have had personal issues - and as you said you're moving on to get over someone (not giving out btw) so perhaps any little thing that's different is highlighted by the fact your heart's with someone else. And things may have progressed a bit fast for you also. Perhaps you just panicked a bit and your brain came up with a possible reason for things not feeling right.

It might be best that you did tell the second guy you didn't think it could work - just for yourself to get your head in the right place hun. To be sure of what you want. And to give yourself time to forget about the other guy. I didn't mean to sound like I was giving out or anything the first time - just I know when you're crazy about someone it's so hard to get them out of your head.

MagicMarker

So let me get this straight.

He obviously has some ''issues'' with his body, seeing as he wanted the light off and his top on.
You thought he may have moobs.
When you copped a feel it didn't feel ''normal'', his testicles hung low (which is by no means unusual)
The next morning you broke up with him.

Well done OP, any issues he did have will be multiplied by about a million, just because you completely jumped the gun.

Put yourself in his position, you're uncomfortable being naked, he cops a feel of your vagina, feels that it's too ''different'' than what he's used to, stops in the middle of sex and the next morning breaks up with you.... what's the first thing you're gonna think?

The poor guy is probably at home, right now, crying into his pillow, thinking that no one will ever ''want him''. Maybe in future you could think about how your actions will effect others before you go making rash decisions?

LegacyUser

I didn't break up with him, we were never "together". He said himself that he was glad that i said something in the beginning rather than later on.

But i do agree I shouldn't have done that but I wasn't planning on saying anything at first until he asked me what was up. I didn't want to lie to him and just pretend everything was cool, he would have wanted to see me again and then what would I say.

I feel bad about it definitely but I can't force something that isn't working for me.
He may not think that, because we had been in bed together the previous night and I still wanted to see him.. but yeah i would feel really crappy if someone did it to me. I've never done this before (be the arsehole). I didn't know what to do really and he was sitting there asking me whats wrong.

syklops

MagicMarker wrote: »

So let me get this straight.

He obviously has some ''issues'' with his body, seeing as he wanted the light off and his top on.
You thought he may have moobs.
When you copped a feel it didn't feel ''normal'', his testicles hung low (which is by no means unusual)
The next morning you broke up with him.

Well done OP, any issues he did have will be multiplied by about a million, just because you completely jumped the gun.

Put yourself in his position, you're uncomfortable being naked, he cops a feel of your vagina, feels that it's too ''different'' than what he's used to, stops in the middle of sex and the next morning breaks up with you.... what's the first thing you're gonna think?

The poor guy is probably at home, right now, crying into his pillow, thinking that no one will ever ''want him''. Maybe in future you could think about how your actions will effect others before you go making rash decisions?

+1

I didn't break up with him, we were never "together". He said himself that he was glad that i said something in the beginning rather than later on.

Later on, when you still were not together?

But i do agree I shouldn't have done that but I wasn't planning on saying anything at first until he asked me what was up. I didn't want to lie to him and just pretend everything was cool, he would have wanted to see me again and then what would I say.

Your a woman, your trained to lie. There is a movie title you could use. Im sorry Mr Man Boobs, I just not that in to you.

I feel bad about it definitely but I can't force something that isn't working for me.
He may not think that, because we had been in bed together the previous night and I still wanted to see him.. but yeah i would feel really crappy if someone did it to me. I've never done this before (be the arsehole). I didn't know what to do really and he was sitting there asking me whats wrong.

Why did you end up in bed with him if it wasn't waving your flag? Why did you go home with him? Did you fancy him before you copped a feel under his t-shirt? If not, why did you go through with it in the first place? If you did, what changed?

MagicMarker

keine wrote: »

But i do agree I shouldn't have done that but I wasn't planning on saying anything at first until he asked me what was up. I didn't want to lie to him and just pretend everything was cool, he would have wanted to see me again and then what would I say.

Erm...

keine wrote: »

I didn't tell him why but I told him I didn't think it would work. He said "Ok I just wanted to know whether it was something to do with me or something else." I said it was something else. I really like him but don't think I could ever do anything physical with him again after that

You ''broke up'' with him, not because you didn't like him, but because you had a weird vision that he was a women. Which he isn't, he's just a guy that you like, who is a little self conscious about his body.

Someone who is as self conscious as he is, the first thing he's going to think is that you were disappointed with him physically and that's why you ''broke up'', and he's right, in a sense.

Prawo Jazdy

keine wrote: »

What my problem is is MY reaction and my thoughts about this.

Answer.

Daithio

I really don't agree with you Magic Marker. Sure, it's not ideal how it happened, and it probably hurt his feelings a bit, but getting rejected always hurts. The fact that he has issues is unfortunate, but the OP shouldn't have to sleep with him or pretend to like him just so he doesn't get upset. Honesty is the much better option. It's called life, people get over it.

MagicMarker

Daithio wrote: »

I really don't agree with you Magic Marker. Sure, it's not ideal how it happened, and it probably hurt his feelings a bit, but getting rejected always hurts. The fact that he has issues is unfortunate, but the OP shouldn't have to sleep with him or pretend to like him just so he doesn't get upset. Honesty is the much better option. It's called life, people get over it.

She DOES like him. She wouldn't have to pretend anything.

All she had to do in this situation was wait, even for 24 hours, and think. Then instead of posting here asking for reassurance for her quick decision, she would be talking to him and got the whole thing cleared up.