First time meeting someone off the internet

LegacyUser

There's this girl, right.

We first "met" on a discussion forum site similar to Boards. I seem to remember I asked her a question privately about a post she'd made, we got chatting for a bit afterwards, it turned out we'd done the same degree at the same uni a few years apart and things just went from there. Since then - this was a couple of months ago - we've been nattering more and more, on the phone, on text messages, on internet messenger. We've got so much in common that it's uncanny. I've never known anything like it!

Anyway, eventually we just both thought "why don't we meet up sometime and see what happens?". It's all arranged, trains booked, and now I'm starting to get just a tiny bit apprehensive. Neither of us have ever met anyone off the internet before. We're both adults (mid-late 20s), we're doing all the sensible stuff everyone does when meeting off the internet. We live quite far apart, so we're meeting in a public place in a busy city centre, a neutral location about half-way between where we both live.

But what is making me more nervous than all the safety stuff is... managing expectations. It's not a date, just a coffee, but I'm worried that I won't be the person I come across as online. I don't adopt an "online persona", I'm just myself, but talking on the phone and email is different to talking face-to-face. I'm afraid that it might just be the most cringingly awkward thing in the world. We've seen pictures of one another and all that, but I'm so nervous about it that I'm scared I might just be really quiet and shy!

Has anyone here ever met up with someone off the internet like this? How was it for you? Share some nice stories to make me feel better!

themadchef

Chances are she's going to be just as nervous as you as it's her first meet up from the internet too.

It's going to be great to get to finally met each other! Be positive, let her know you're nervous and be yourself. If youve been chatting for long enough i think you get a really good feel for what a person is like. Actually meeting them can be such a buzz. The plus side i think is that youve been on the phone to each other as well. So it's not just internet chat, it has been more personal that emails.

It may turn out to be the most natural thing in the world to be with her...and..it you may walk in there and not "click" with each other for no particular reason. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Best of luck, really hope it goes well.

2010House

Totally agree with the mad chef, you've had a "first date" by mailing and on the phone so this is really your second date in a way but she's bound to be nervious too about meeting up. Go in positive, it takes balls to meet up and you've done the hardest part by arranging to meet up. You're half way there. Maybe you will be more than what she expected, think of it that way, half full rather than half empty. With the depression of the nation, I'd be giving this your all. Best of luck.:o

Zaph

I've met plenty of people from the internet, some for dates, some just to meet up and put a face to the name and some to go on the complete lash with (usually Boards beers related tbh ). The first person I ever met up with was a guy in California that I'd been chatting to for years on a couple of different sites. I happened to be there on holidays a few years ago and dragged my mates off to meet this guy. They thought it was a bit strange initially, but he was really sound and they warmed to the idea and enjoyed themselves as much as I did.

Not long after that I tried internet dating and met some really lovely women. Nothing came of it in the end, but once I got past the first date it wasn't that weird at all. A couple of the "dates" were as you've described your situation, it was just for coffee and there was never any romantic pressure involved. They were women that I'd just got chatting to and while we quickly realised that we weren't interested in dating, we still continued chatting and comparing dates, etc. Of the proper dates I went on there was only one that wasn't that great, but I should have realised that before I agreed to go on it. She was quite a bit younger than me and we really had nothing in common (I'm not a fan of magic mushrooms, for instance ).

Since then, and since becoming more active on Boards I've met literally dozens of people from the internet. I'd say 98% of them have been great and my experiences have been positive. The other 2% - well you're never going to get on with absolutely everyone you meet, no matter how you're first are introduced to them.

The one common thing with all these encounters is that I was nervous as hell before meeting any of the people. It's only natural and you're perfectly normal for feeling that way. I too was worried that I might not live up to people's expectations, whether it was on a date or just fitting in with a group over a few beers. Like you, I don't have an internet persona, what you see here is pretty much what you get in RL, so in the end there was nothing to worry about, people already had an idea what I was like before I met them. You're doing all the right things, meeting in a public place, etc., so just focus on the positives. You already get on well with this girl and have a lot in common, and she wouldn't have agreed to meet you if she thought you were a bit weird. The first couple of minutes might be odd, but as you've been chatting online and on the phone for so long it won't take long to get over that and you'll be wondering why you were so worried.

Enjoy yourself, and it would be good to hear how you get on, especially if it's a happy ending. We don't get to hear enough of them around these parts.

cantdecide

Que Sa-Ra, Sa-Ra covers it well, IMO...

Enjoy being nervous, too.

Terodil

Was in the same situation a few months back, took the jump into the cold water... and found the girl of my dreams. Was extremely nervous too, and I'm quite shy, so I know exactly what you feel... just do it, don't think too much about it...

Good luck!!

TheDollyParton

Have you spoken on the phone? I've met a few people on a friendly basis from the internet and I always thought it would have been a lot more comfortable if we'd had a conversation prior to meeting. Just hearing each other's voices and feeling out the flow of conversation?

Toto Wolfcastle

It's always strange when you meet someone from the internet for the first time no matter how much you've been chatting.

I know that when I did I could barely look at the guy because I was so nervous and shy. Chances are that she'll be the same so just try to relax and enjoy yourself. It should only take a few minutes to become comfortable around each other, and if it takes a little longer, so what?

If it doesn't work out, well at least you tried it and will have no regrets. Who knows, it might go a lot better than expected! Best of luck.

Diddler82

Just be yourself, have met a couple of people I have only known online at different gigs and out and about....one was not planned but we were friends on Bebo and I just spotted her...we got on like a house on fire.

The other 2 were a lad and a girl, same night, got on great with them too, purely because I was being myself and not being someone else. Once you make sure that comes through you will be okay.

Finally speak your mind, if you're a bit nervous say it to her and joke about it...I would recommend meeting up with her and just make sure it is a bit of a walk to where you are meeting up so you are chatting whilst you walk, rather than straight away, BANG sitting staring at each other in a Coffee Shop!!

Good luck mate. You will be fine

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

Ok, you can all laugh at me after if you want, no skin off my teeth :P

About 20 months ago I started talking to this person online, it was a game we played, World of Warcraft. We got talking a lot, then that went to MSN, we got to know eachother over the months. She was only out of an eleven year relationship, she went to visit some friends that were living in scotland, she is from Belgium, I asked her to come to Ireland as she was close enough.

Her mate was supposed to come, I told her I would book a B&B or something, just to be safe. She ended up staying in my house after. Anyway, she loved Ireland and we got on so well in the three days she was here that she came back a few weeks later for two weeks. As I was a student and she was working I couldn't really afford to travel much, so every few weeks she would come over and spend a few weeks here with me. We got on great, went on a lot of sight seeing tours and all that. She got a long with all my mates and my family. Everyone loved her (they still do).

Anyway, fast forward 14 months and we are now living together in our own little apartment. She found a job really fast because of her great personality.

In the begining I was very nervous, very cautious as neither of us ever done this before. I also thought "what will people think" now I don't give a damn. I am sure a lot of people will think that it won't last, but we have been together for quite some time, we have our arguments and what not, but it's healthy. We have the same interests, same ideas of a future, I am glad had the balls to meet her at first

I say go for it mate, but just be careful. You will know if things are good or not pretty soon after meeting her. Goodluck with it anyway

zuroph

dont avoid the nervousness and awkwardness, embrace it! make jokes about it (not too many!!) and ul be fine. you already know this girl, just prepare for both of you to be a little stnadoffish at first.

KieranKennedy

I arranged to meet a girl I got to know on the internet once. We had talked on the phone and seen photos of each other, so I presumed that it would be pretty normal when it came to meeting her. We organised to meet at the spire. She told me she would be wearing a red jumper, so I could recognise her. The problem arose when I couldn't see the spire. She was at least 19 stone, at the very least. She was one of those girls who has a thin face which you wouldn't know was attached to a bulbous whale of a thing. I turned and walked up to the Savoy cinema as soon as I saw her, before she had a chance to recognise me (I had told her what I would be wearing). I rang her and asked her if she was there yet, hoping that it had been some sort of a mistake. She confirmed that she was indeed the girl who was spoiling my view of the spire. I high tailed it to the stephens green centre to my alamo, where a few friends were waiting, just in case of such eventualities, or worse. When I got home I blocked her on facebook and that, I am glad to say, was that. So, I guess my advice is be cafeful with this situation dude, it can turn ugly, in every and any sense.

MsFifers

KieranKennedy wrote: »

I arranged to meet a girl I got to know on the internet once. We had talked on the phone and seen photos of each other, so I presumed that it would be pretty normal when it came to meeting her. We organised to meet at the spire. She told me she would be wearing a red jumper, so I could recognise her. The problem arose when I couldn't see the spire. She was at least 19 stone, at the very least. She was one of those girls who has a thin face which you wouldn't know was attached to a bulbous whale of a thing. I turned and walked up to the Savoy cinema as soon as I saw her, before she had a chance to recognise me (I had told her what I would be wearing). I rang her and asked her if she was there yet, hoping that it had been some sort of a mistake. She confirmed that she was indeed the girl who was spoiling my view of the spire. I high tailed it to the stephens green centre to my alamo, where a few friends were waiting, just in case of such eventualities, or worse. When I got home I blocked her on facebook and that, I am glad to say, was that. So, I guess my advice is be cafeful with this situation dude, it can turn ugly, in every and any sense.

Lucky girl.

Zaph

MsFifers wrote: »

Lucky girl.

MsFifers, please remember the forum policy regarding unhelpful posts before you post again. It can be found in the charter if you're unclear about it.

JCDenton

I can beat all the above!

I have an "internet pen-pal" too. We're just good bud's, so it's far from a "lifelong romance" or anything like that, but -

This September will mark 10 years since we first met. (But never in real life).

It's far from an interesting story, so I won't go into details - but my point is that at least you've had the courage to meet up now. Otherwise you could be telling this story in 10 years time - and imagine how nervous you'd be then!

One word of advice though - if it does start to go wrong; try not to handle it like Kieran above!

TheDollyParton

KieranKennedy wrote: »

I arranged to meet a girl I got to know on the internet once. We had talked on the phone and seen photos of each other, so I presumed that it would be pretty normal when it came to meeting her. We organised to meet at the spire. She told me she would be wearing a red jumper, so I could recognise her. The problem arose when I couldn't see the spire. She was at least 19 stone, at the very least. She was one of those girls who has a thin face which you wouldn't know was attached to a bulbous whale of a thing. I turned and walked up to the Savoy cinema as soon as I saw her, before she had a chance to recognise me (I had told her what I would be wearing). I rang her and asked her if she was there yet, hoping that it had been some sort of a mistake. She confirmed that she was indeed the girl who was spoiling my view of the spire. I high tailed it to the stephens green centre to my alamo, where a few friends were waiting, just in case of such eventualities, or worse. When I got home I blocked her on facebook and that, I am glad to say, was that. So, I guess my advice is be cafeful with this situation dude, it can turn ugly, in every and any sense.

OP, I hope that if your situation turns out in any way like this one you deal with it in a more sensitive way than this guy did. However nervous you are, she is just as nervous if not more. Should you find you're not into it when you see her a simple phone call saying you can't make it, and then a gradual fading of contact or GOD FORBID staying friends with a person you deem unattractive can avoid major hurt for the other party.

ibarelycare

zuroph wrote: »

dont avoid the nervousness and awkwardness, embrace it! make jokes about it (not too many!!) and ul be fine. you already know this girl, just prepare for both of you to be a little stnadoffish at first.

+1

OP I've met a good few people off the internet (including my boyfriend of nearly a year). I have done both the inernet dating thing and the meeting up with buddies you made from forums etc. The nervous excitement IS a buzz and there's no doubt she'll be feeling the same way. I agree with zuroph that a few jokes is the best way to ease each other into the situation. The most important thing is to be relaxed about the whole thing; if you appear overly-nervous or awkward it is just going to make the other person feel 20 times worse. Good luck anyway, hope things work out well

glezo

in 2007 i starting using a site called smooch, and got friendly with several very nice people met up with 3 of them the first 2 was not my type of guys

but the 3rd guy was a gentleman and still is as were still together over a year later

so saying that i totally tell you go for it.. its really nerve recking at first before you meet but as soon as ye start chatting things will fall into place.

dont let your nerves ruin things that could possibly work out for life

gud luck and go for it but be very carefull and dont judge a book by its cover get to know this person and have a few dates before you decide anything

Salome

I've met few men off the internet - one seemed pretty nice but turned out he had a girlfriend already but the other two turned into two good relationships, one for a year and the 2nd and best is now 2 years old with more to come.

I think you should just embrace the nervousness and go with it - if it doesn't work out, so what? Nothing ventured and all that.

Good luck. Be considerate if you don't like her as much as you hoped. Or just look on the brightside - this could be the start of something amazing!!!