Today is my birthday

Prat Kenny

Dear Boards

It was 20th birthday today. My mother woke me up at 9am. There was a spiderman birthday card waiting for me in my room. He's my favorite super hero. I also got a magic set. A fúckin magic set.

I didn't go to the pub or have any sort of celebration with friends. Mainly because I don't have any friends and I've never been inside a pub/nightclub in my life. Well I was in a disco once, when I was 16 but I didn't like it so I phoned my mum to take me home.

Depressingly, I'm still a virgin. I've never even kissed a girl, and it doesn't look like that's going to change in the near future. I fap off to internet porn, especially hentai, but I always feel bad afterwards and promise myself I'll never do it again. But an hour later, I have my pants around my ankles and I'm yanking it, usually with tears in my eyes.

My parents are currently throwing me a birthday bash, with my 3 cousins invited. We have party hats and balloons and a spiderman cake. My cousins are teenagers and have gotten laid. I can tell they're only here out of pity and would rather be hanging with their friends. My granny is drooling in the corner, watching me as I write this. I don't think she even knows who I am or where she is.

I feel like such a loser. I'm even contemplating suicide. Should I go ahead with it?

minidazzler

No to suicide, Just run to the off licence and get a bottle of Bourbon. That will keep you happy!!!

Einstein

emmm...ibtl is all i can think of tbh

Basq

Prat Kenny wrote: »

I feel like such a loser. I'm even contemplating suicide. Should I go ahead with it?

Hmmm..

yes

MIN2511

If this is a PI then no don't commit sucide, can you tell your parents to cancel the party? Would you consider travelling, maybe around Europe?

If this is typical AH: HTF do you cry when you watch porn and ****? There is nothing wrong with it!!!!!!!!!!!!
Save up some cash and use a prosttitute(don't forget to use protection )

Homer

I think that's what's called a rhetorical question son!

phasers

Spiderman sucks, Batman FTW

winston82

Can i have your magic set?

galwayrush

Crying while **** is a serious amount of tissue paper.:eek:

Ticktactoe

Welcome to adulthood, it sucks but not anymore than the teens.
Birthdays are sh1t, i never pass any remarks on mine... its other people who keep reminding me about it, which also sucks.
Tomor will be much better...... say it again... tomor will be..... splat... :rolleyes:

phenomenon

Prat Kenny wrote: »

I feel like such a loser. I'm even contemplating suicide. Should I go ahead with it?

This will answer all

Gran Hermano

galwayrush wrote: »

Crying while **** is a serious amount of tissue paper.:eek:

Allow him the luxury, it is his birthday....

finnykid

Happy birthday

wow, this thread jus turned into 4chan..

Tech3

Prat Kenny wrote: »

Dear Boards
I feel like such a loser. I'm even contemplating suicide. Should I go ahead with it?

No and happy birthday

btw I never had a birthday party ever

galwayrush

Today is Bon Scott's anniversary.

sneakerfreak

An Hero

also OP post is copypasta

sneakerfreak

****ing legend

i hate scott johnson

Diggabot

Whatever you do make sure you keep your pants on when you go. I saw a documentary once... South Park I think it was called.... anyway, they said that when you die you crap your pants. Just a warning.

I suggest using ecstacy and cocaine to help gain confidence and Viagra just because depressed people find it hard to keeptheir mood up.

Tech3

Diggabot wrote: »

Whatever you do make sure you keep your pants on when you go. I saw a documentary once... South Park I think it was called.... anyway, they said that when you die you crap your pants. Just a warning.

Yes and make sure you fart frequently as spontaneous combustion might occur

You sound like a pretty average boards.ie user to me

Gummy Panda

God damnit!

Since the "ridin' me aunt!" thread we're going to have more goons from the creative writing section in here trying to trick us.

OP GTFO!

Prat Kenny

Gee whizz guys, I'm starting to feel better already.

I almost forgot that the internet is my friend. Who needs real life! Forget about girls, I'm going to order a blow-up doll right now and treat myself.

tony1kenobi

phasers wrote: »

Spiderman sucks, Batman FTW

Batman is a vigilante not a superhero.

OP...If you were watching a 2 hour movie and 40 minutes in every second of it was completely and utterly sh1t would you stay to the end to see what happens or would you do something else instead?

On the other hand that dude on justin.tv checked out a few months ago and all the eggers on got bad press.....so I won't indulge you....

.....your life sounds really sh1tty though......you probably shou(*$^^^$&

445279.ie

Prat Kenny wrote: »

Gee whizz guys, I'm starting to feel better already.

I almost forgot that the internet is my friend. Who needs real life! Forget about girls, I'm going to order a blow-up doll right now and treat myself.

That's more like it

Happy Birthday Prat Kenny

1. gain an interest in somethin from one of the forums
2. join a club
3. ????
4. Profit.

User45701

aCID is another solution

Gummy Panda

User45701 wrote: »

aCID is another solution

That would be a very painful way to kill yourself

Kenno90

Well no to suicide, if you want to make changes in your life start with yourself ,
you need to put yourself out there , start going to the gym , join a sports club , just start activities that will involve you with other people ,

and as for the **** part , it's healthy and no need to cry about it

shenanigans1982

phasers wrote: »

Spiderman sucks, Batman FTW

Just seen the Dark Knight? .....pffft how quickly people forget 60's Batman. He wasn't even a vigilante.;)

User45701

User45701 wrote: »

aCID is another solution

i wouldn't recommend acid to OP.. happy state is a pre-requisite

Ross_Mahon

Jump! Jump! Jump!

User45701

Gummy Panda wrote: »

That would be a very painful way to kill yourself

I was more thinking it would take your mind off the whole killyourself thing

Deleted User wrote: »

i wouldn't recommend acid to OP.. happy state is a pre-requisite

ive done it one when i wasent in the best of form (thats an understatement) and i had a good night.
EDIT: now that i think about it the majority of the time you are right though.

Also i was kinda serious because of my point about it taking his mind off it but acid as far as i know is not something you can find walking down the street (except in the dam)
Without friends i would assume he would not know how to obtain it.

Riamfada

Birthday **** is the second best ****. Now Christmas ****, there is an occasion.


OP: If you arnt an alt a/c of someone I know on this forum then dont worry. Shit picks up. My mother sent me a valentines card when I was 19 for Gods sake. How would you feel if your ma was your secret admirer!

User45701

User45701 wrote: »

ive done it one when i wasent in the best of form (thats an understatement) and i had a good night.

my only experience was a rollercoaster.. twice when someone lit a cigarette, i was screamin thinkin my hoodie was on fire. messy but brilliant.

Prat Kenny

Kenno90 wrote: »

you need to put yourself out there , start going to the gym , join a sports club , just start activities that will involve you with other people ,

But...that would involve social interaction.
I feel extremely awkward talking to people. I never know what to say so I end up saying things like "The old version of Pokemon was far superior to its present incarnation".

Girls are even worse. I can't look them in the eye and I always end up looking at their boobs. I keep thinking about squeezing them and then
I get an erection and its even more awkward.

Tech3

Prat Kenny wrote: »

Gee whizz guys, I'm starting to feel better already.

I almost forgot that the internet is my friend. Who needs real life! Forget about girls, I'm going to order a blow-up doll right now and treat myself.

prat kenny fights back

minidazzler

Prat Kenny wrote: »

Gee whizz guys, I'm starting to feel better already.

I almost forgot that the internet is my friend. Who needs real life! Forget about girls, I'm going to order a blow-up doll right now and treat myself.

Good thing you didn't go to 4chan.


BTW the internet is not your friend, noone is.(I feel bad for saying that!!! I'm your friend)

Tech3

Prat Kenny wrote: »

But...that would involve social interaction.
I feel extremely awkward talking to people. I never know what to say so I end up saying things like "The old version of Pokemon was far superior to its present incarnation".

Girls are even worse. I can't look them in the eye and I always end up looking at their boobs. I keep thinking about squeezing them and then
I get an erection and its even more awkward.

I used to be in the same boat, only met my first gf at 22. You should enjoy single life while you can trust me

Diabhal Beag

OP don't kill yourself. You will just add more reading to The Sun tomorrow.

Attention seekers are bollockses. Feck ye all to hell

Kinetic^

Prat Kenny wrote: »

Depressingly, I'm still a virgin. I've never even kissed a girl

.....up until this point I thought you may have boned your aunt at a funeral!

tony1kenobi

Grimes wrote: »

My mother sent me a valentines card when I was 19 for Gods sake. How would you feel if your ma was your secret admirer!

Norman Bates would be fcuking made up over that....

OP....don't top yourself....you'll just feel sh1t afterwards.

I commited suicide and it was nothing to write home about.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i

basquille wrote: »

Hmmm..

Would suck farts out of her arse...



Well for my 25th I ended up in some hole in germany, plane didn't land at the right airport, took 90 minutes for the bus to arrive then a further 3 hours bus journey to our origional airport, we passed our destination. Got a lift from our origional airport to our destination which took another hour. The beer in germany was crap, it rained, it was cold... so GTFO with your magic set and spider man birthday card... I would have loved that...

javaboy

This thread is phenomenally trollish.