Can I trust him?

LegacyUser

Met my ideal man 10 months age.. Well fell in love quickly and have been through some illhealth issues and all went well. Moved in with him 3 weeks ago and have both decided this is 'it'. He appears to place a high value on family and his only grievance was his ex, whom he finished with approc 2.5 years ago cheated on him. He found out about 6 months after it was finished that she had cheated on him and was pd off.

Tonight, after a good few drinks he slipped up and mentioned he had snogged someone while going out with the ex when he was away at 'X' place with a friend. I am so upset... He had repeatedly said she cheated on him and he had never cheated on anyone.. Now he has... All he keeps saying is that it was week 3 so he didnt know if they were an item but he had said earlier that she had always known he wanted to go to 'X'. I know they were friends before they started going out and he is saying this is why she knew he wanted to go to 'X'.

Am I over reacting.. We had planned our lives together and now I dont know what to do... He is not a kid and I cant trust him now.

John Mason

omg of course you are over reacting


it was only a kiss and it happened years ago and he wasnt even in an exclusive relationship at the time

actually no, you should dump him, i mean he cant be that perfect for you if cant get over a kiss :rolleyes:

Stheno

Men? wrote: »

he slipped up and mentioned he had snogged someone while going out with the ex when he was away at 'X' place with a friend. I am so upset... He had repeatedly said she cheated on him and he had never cheated on anyone.. Now he has... All he keeps saying is that it was week 3 so he didnt know if they were an item .

Could well be true, I know of several people who do the "player" thing where they can be seeing different people and snogging them at the same time, and only once they become "exclusive" is it considered cheating if you snog someone else.

Not for me personally, but that could be how he is thinking.

Yes, you are over-reacting. I am always of the opinion that their past doesn't matter, it's their present and future I'm interested in.

starchild

You are doubting your own relationship because of something that happened in a previous relationship before it even got to a stage where it could be considered serious.

dont even give it another thought & go back to being happy

I'm going to go against the other posters and say that in my opinion, history often DOES repeat itself IF the person hasn't learned from their mistakes. My ex cheated on his ex-girlfriend, kissed someone else, and when he told me he made it seem like he was 'made' to do it because she was such a headwrecker (the ex) etc. I found that attitude really infuriating and then I started to worry that he'd do the same to me. Tried not to be judgemental, tried to give him a chance, well guess what, 2 years on, he does the exact same thing to me :rolleyes: I think once you've done it once, it's easier to go back down the same path. That's not to say everyone does, but if he doesn't appear to be sorry about it, my alarm bells would be ringing.

Overheal

Chandler: You opened all the presents without me? I thought we were supposed to do that together!
Monica: You kissed another woman?
Chandler: ...Call it even?
Monica: Okay!
*high five*

Worse things have happened, and people can learn from past mistakes and experiences.

MagicMarker

You've decided to spend your life with someone who you've only been with for 10 months. Him kissing a random girl years ago is the least of your worries, you obviously still barely know him.

Overheal

MagicMarker wrote: »

You've decided to spend your life with someone who you've only been with for 10 months. Him kissing a random girl years ago is the least of your worries, you obviously still barely know him.

Actually yeah. Are you aure this relationship isnt moving too fast for everyone involved? 10 months, in love, moving in? Some relationships I've read here theres no discussion of moving in together for like...years.

3 weeks moved in together. For a while, I think slowing things down is a good idea, before you both end up engaged by christmas :pac: j/k

LegacyUser

Thanks to all for your responses...

Unfortunately that was posted last night with a lot of booze on board... The talk was had this morning, the timelines and what happened explained and he explained he didnt want to snog girl no 1 so he told her he had a gf... He was in talks with his ex to get back together but it was not sorted / settled upon and he snogged the other girl.... Thats the bones of it buy copious amounts of beer and wine last night didnt make for a clear and open conversation....

With regard the comments on moving quickly - maybe so or maybe not. We are both a lot older than the bulk of boardies on here. Have been through a lot in relationships and now know what we want.. No plans to run and get knocked up as I do think its too soon for that but the pace suits us and I have no worries in that regard..

Thanks again for the responses. I have been lied to in previous relationships and this secnario last night just made me panic and have a flash back so the baggage was sitting on my shoulders last night...

PLenty to get to know about him, good and not so good I am sure but up to now, we have been a great team and I am willing to keep at it.

Salome

Good for you OP. Everyone has a past - just don't let past mistakes dictate your future.

I'm similar to you - older than some boardies so things did move faster for us too - I guess you know what you want out of a relationship when you've "been there, done that" already!

smares

I am a firm believer in once a cheat always a cheat but in this case i think your slightly over reacting,if he wasn't sure they were going out then technically he didnt cheat and if you have moved in together and planned your future leave the past where it is.