'Itch' and boredom...

LegacyUser

Due to a serious illness that came on me a few months back, I have started a whole new change of lifestyle. I would have been a person who hammered it and caned it at the weekends: booze, hash, coke, pills...although not every weekend, definitely benders every few weekends. I hold down a full time job, share a house with my boyfriend who I really love. Weekdays (schoolnights!) would just have been a few joints, maybe 6 to 10 depending.
In short I was a machine for the partying.

Anyway, this illness was serious enough to me to be a wake up call that it was coming time to stop. Which I did, full stop, I even stopped smoking hash for the first time since I was a teenager. I built up my body again and am back to 100% health which I am very lucky to have, I know that.

The problem now that the novelty has worn off (yes its great to be healthy, be able to breathe etc) but I find my mind is wandering sexually now as if I am looking to replace the highs I am missing with short sexual encounters.

Do I need more excersise or something.....I have been going running etc but if anything its being more healthy that is actually making the sex drive stronger.

What will I do...?

Dudess

Have sex with your boyfriend?

LegacyUser

Dudess wrote: »

Have sex with your boyfriend?

Yes, we do every night, but during the day etc?

kevmy

Well you don't say how often you want sex.

I mean something around once a day would be perfectly normal. Something like 5 times a day might be on the high side.

Exercise might reduce it but it's more likely that the unhealthy lifestyle you lived had artificially reduced it from what it would normally have been and you are just returning to what your normal level is.

Deal with it like everyone else. Have sex or ignore it

shellyboo

It's beyond worrying that you see an increase in your sex drive as some sort of unfortunate side effect of being clean.

You need to readjust your thinking - having a high sex drive is not a bad thing, it's perfectly healthy. Just start having more sex.

Wagon

I think the big question here is do you want to have sex with your boyfriend?

LegacyUser

Wagon wrote: »

I think the big question here is do you want to have sex with your boyfriend?

I love having sex with my boyfriend of course, thats the evening time (he is not a morning person althoug its a pity as that might go some way twords solving the problem) so it means I am all day waiting like a cat on a hot tin roof ......I cant even smoke a fag to calm myself down.

VeryBerry

Unregistered wrote: »

The problem now that the novelty has worn off (yes its great to be healthy, be able to breathe etc) but I find my mind is wandering sexually now as if I am looking to replace the highs I am missing with short sexual encounters.

Do you mean with your bf? Or with another partner? If its more sex with your bf I don't see a problem there, go for it!

If its sex someone else, that may be an issue, because you could be trying to replace one set of damaging behaviours (substance mis-use) with another (elicit sexual encouters). I think this type of transference between damaging behaviours can often happen with people who have addiction-type problems. Unless you get to the root of why you have the problems initally, just giving up on them isn't enough. The need to get "highs" is still there - you're just getting it from somewhere else.

SarahSassy

You have already been given a warning to slow down and change your lifestyle and you are now looking life in the face again and appear to be willing (if its random sexual encounters you are talking about) to see how far you can push things again...

Do you have a self destruct button?

kayos

Unregistered wrote: »

I love having sex with my boyfriend of course, thats the evening time (he is not a morning person althoug its a pity as that might go some way twords solving the problem) so it means I am all day waiting like a cat on a hot tin roof ......I cant even smoke a fag to calm myself down.

Woman love thy self! i.e. If you are that worked up you have hands use them. That way you kill two birds with one stone keeping your hands active can help not wanting to smoke and the activity they will be doing will go some way to satisfying you sexual arrousal.

jim o doom

Unregistered wrote: »

I love having sex with my boyfriend of course, thats the evening time (he is not a morning person althoug its a pity as that might go some way twords solving the problem) so it means I am all day waiting like a cat on a hot tin roof ......I cant even smoke a fag to calm myself down.

I'm going to go with advice I am sure will be condemned; just because you constantly overdid, doesn't mean you can't indulge in the ODD cigarette or joint to help chill out..

I used to party exactly the same as you have posted above; now I don't do any class A stuff, in the last 2 months I've only had about 6 pints & I can still have a smoke in the evening time after work & training in martial arts to chill out before bed.

Maybe join a sports or martial arts club during the day, or even get some other non-health related sort of hobby - it sounds like an abundance of energy combined with boredom that's doing it (based on you stuck at home like a cat on a hot tin roof statement)..

And if yer horny as hell there's always masturbation.

minidazzler

Same happens fella's from running, it put's you on a high and makes you, for want of a better word, Horny as Fcuk.


The only advice I can give is sort yourself out, and even use it as a motivator. Such as, "I will make it to the next pole, if I don't I am not allowed to sort myself out." It will keep you going longer than you think you can!!!

if you don't want to do it by hand, there are other things you can get!!!

LegacyUser

VeryBerry wrote: »

Do you mean with your bf? Or with another partner? If its more sex with your bf I don't see a problem there, go for it!

If its sex someone else, that may be an issue, because you could be trying to replace one set of damaging behaviours (substance mis-use) with another (elicit sexual encouters). I think this type of transference between damaging behaviours can often happen with people who have addiction-type problems. Unless you get to the root of why you have the problems initally, just giving up on them isn't enough. The need to get "highs" is still there - you're just getting it from somewhere else.

I get a lot of sex from my boyfriend (every day, maybe we miss out the odd day) that is no problem but it doesn't stop the sexual thoughts coming during the day....I just need some method of controlling them.

I have no intentions of acting on the impulses but I need strategies for dealing with it. It is definitely a case that I do have a very high sex drive and the previous lifestyle dampened it down to manageable.

There are a lot of reasons why I lived like I did, they have been dealt with and I do understand why I always went from one addiction to another. I am not going to act on these thoughts.

But what I do need is answers, how do people control these urges. I know Kayos you said do a bit of DIY but I am at work and I dont think I could even if there was somewhere.....I feel it might even make it worse, anyway its communal toilets with open top cubicles!

tbh

if you were smoking six joints a night (holy crap!) that would have been supressing your libido big style. You've gone from troughs to peaks, I'm sure it'll balance itself out.

Nevyn

Get a new vibrator and set your alarm for 45 minutes earlier in the morning.

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

Get a new vibrator and set your alarm for 45 minutes earlier in the morning.

Tempting.......would I tell the boyfriend or what, he would be suspicious if I went into the spare room....no locks on the doors.......

Libertine2002

I'm kicking some habits myself, its good to know my libido will come back with a vengeance when I do! Now if thats not reason enough to go clean I don't know what is! Look, ask yourself this, how boring would life be if it went the other way? If your sex drive just disappeared?

kmick

Unregistered wrote: »

Tempting.......would I tell the boyfriend or what, he would be suspicious if I went into the spare room....no locks on the doors.......

Yeah tell him if he is like most men he wont mind. He will either choose to join you or sleep on. Either way he wins.

Nevyn

Unregistered wrote: »

Tempting.......would I tell the boyfriend or what, he would be suspicious if I went into the spare room....no locks on the doors.......

Well you know him better then anyone here does,
you are going to have to talk to him about your sex drives recovery anyway
and reach new understandings and part of that may well be you having
a converstaion about masturbation and it's place with in your relationship.

LegacyUser

Thaedydal wrote: »

Well you know him better then anyone here does,
you are going to have to talk to him about your sex drives recovery anyway
and reach new understandings and part of that may well be you having
a converstaion about masturbation and it's place with in your relationship.

The sex drive was quite high already, his is too so we are quite well matched on that but its getting sort of ridiculous now tbh.

Libertine2002

Unregistered wrote: »

The sex drive was quite high already, his is too so we are quite well matched on that but its getting sort of ridiculous now tbh.

To be honest I'm kinda jealous of ye! Sounds like a really fun, healthy relationship. You can draw a lot of positives from your situation. I know its frustrating for you but doesn't that make it all the better when you eventually do get to have sex?

Nevyn

There can come a stage where it just gets far to damned distracting and you loose
consentration and focus due to being distracted by your sex drive.
Basically it's no fun and can leave a person feeling a lack of control over themself
and thier body esp as the op is trying to do just that having quit smoking.

You have to find a balance, it could be you need to cut back on the sex,
or try go with out for two weeks to reset your system, it is going to be trail
and error until you find a balance that works for you in your life.

LegacyUser

thanks Thaedydal, changed the daily session to the morning today and it was much better all day. Thanks to all who helped !