Separated but living in same house

LegacyUser

Hello,

Is any one else in this situation. We have the house on the market - 3 kids and He is sleeping upstairs and I am downstairs.

Cannot afford to do anything until we sell the house and that ain't happening at the moment. How do other people do it.

Thanks

carlowguy32

Unregistered wrote: »

Hello,

Is any one else in this situation. We have the house on the market - 3 kids and He is sleeping upstairs and I am downstairs.

Cannot afford to do anything until we sell the house and that ain't happening at the moment. How do other people do it.

Thanks

well yea i wouldnt see a problem with this once the house is up for sale, and its not a permanent thing, its not yer fault the property isnt selling and its good for the kids that yer at least in the same house, i went through a breakup and we did live together for a while but then come the day that it does have to break up and that is hard until you get used to the single life again

stupidusername

Unregistered wrote: »

Hello,

Is any one else in this situation. We have the house on the market - 3 kids and He is sleeping upstairs and I am downstairs.

Cannot afford to do anything until we sell the house and that ain't happening at the moment. How do other people do it.

Thanks

I'm in the same situation. Well, not the same. Living with ex, after a three year relationship. It's a horrible thing. Especially when one won't accept that it's over. At least we don't have children. How old are the kids? Do they know what's going on?

LegacyUser

No,

They have no idea, they are too young. It's not bad or anything, its just almost surreal like its not happening. I am the one who ended it - so maybe its because I have had more time to think about it.

I honestly think the hubby thinks it'll blow over. It's like we're going through the motions, but not going through the motions - does that make sense. And neither of us can afford to move out.

stupidusername

Unregistered wrote: »

No,

They have no idea, they are too young. It's not bad or anything, its just almost surreal like its not happening. I am the one who ended it - so maybe its because I have had more time to think about it.

I honestly think the hubby thinks it'll blow over. It's like we're going through the motions, but not going through the motions - does that make sense. And neither of us can afford to move out.

Well if he's anything like my ex he will actually think there's nothing wrong and continue like you're a couple. Don't think mine is going to accept it until i move out in may.

Well if you can keep it amicable then definitely do. It wouldn't be very nice for the children. But ya men seem to not hear bad news the way women do. seem to not want to accept it.
Is there anyone he could go stay with?

Oryx

Keep all conversations brutally honest, but stay civil with each other. If he has an idea it will all blow over, dont ever confuse him by behaving like you used to, or by allowing him to think things that arent true. Keep it polite, but none of the coziness you might have had... thats easy to fall back into.

Other than that, yes it is a horribly uncomfortable situation to be in. Just keep reminding yourself that it will end sometime, and protect the kids from it as much as you can. (Tho they arent stupid, and will notice even if they dont say anything). And at the risk of repeating myself. Stay civil.

LegacyUser

Hiya,

No, its a complicated situation and he wouldn't leave and I wouldn't ask - I know that sounds really weird, and I can't really go into it, but our children are happy and thats the main thing.

I know it might be different if he starts seeing someone, or I start seeing someone and being honest that is what I was more thinking about. I don't want 'other' people in our house and what happens it he wants to go out on a Wendesday night and so do I - I know we can get a babysitter, but it's actually those sort of arrangements I'm finding odd.

I'm going to the flicks with a friend tonight, but he could easily say at the last minute he has plans and what do we do then, you know that sort of way ?

Trying to keep it as simple as possible.

Kirnsy

stupidusername wrote: »

Well if he's anything like my ex he will actually think there's nothing wrong and continue like you're a couple. Don't think mine is going to accept it until i move out in may.

Well if you can keep it amicable then definitely do. It wouldn't be very nice for the children. But ya men seem to not hear bad news the way women do. seem to not want to accept it.
Is there anyone he could go stay with?

(untrue) generalization there no ?


yes op if things can be kept civil for the kids sake it will be easier for peace to reign in the house but will also make it more confusing and difficult for them to understand why one of you will eventually leave?

mikemac

Unregistered wrote: »

No, its a complicated situation and he wouldn't leave and I wouldn't ask - I know that sounds really weird, and I can't really go into it, but our children are happy and thats the main thing.

Sure, the children are happy and that's the main thing.
But maybe too it's you who wouldn't leave and he didn't ask, no?

carlowguy32 wrote: »

well yea i wouldnt see a problem with this once the house is up for sale, and its not a permanent thing, its not yer fault the property isnt selling

It is yer fault, slash the price and this can be over before St. Patricks day all going well.

themadchef

Unregistered wrote: »

I know it might be different if he starts seeing someone, or I start seeing someone and being honest that is what I was more thinking about .

Ive been through it. Firstly i can honestly say as tough and complicated as our break up was i would have had enough respect for him and our children not to see another man while we were still living under the same roof. I expected the same respect from him.

It's not going to be easy. Again i can only speak from my experience, but there were times i saw the man i married and wondered why i was separating from him, and times a wished he was anywhere on earth but across the hall from me.

It's hard to face separation and see each other every day. It's hard not to argue as both of you are bound to be emotional. Money troubles im sure will add to the mix.

Selling a house is going to be really tough in todays market. With 3 kids it's going to be tough to move. I know it's hard to impose on family, but maybe either of you could move home for a while. Maybe you're entitled to some kind of housing if you're on social welfare?

Can i ask if you're living..upstairs... downstairs, long? I know it's hard to lose money, but maybe it is worth considering selling cheap (if you're not in negative equity) just to get out.

You can try everything to keep things civil, but things dont always work out that way. My advice would be to do everything under the sun to go your seperate ways if youre CERTAIN the relationship is beyond saving. Little things can get tutned into big things and it's just so much harder while youre living under the same roof.

Best of luck.

LegacyUser

I don't think seeing someone else why you are separated BUT living in the same house is disrespectful, if anything it says, it's over...deal with it. There is no sense in sending mixed messages especially if one thinks things will blow over. I'm in the same situation, my little one is 6 and I'm waiting for him to be served that the house needs to be sold...it's that simple really, one needs to buy the other out or the house gets sold. If the other is not being reasonable, then yes you need a lawyer or you can even do it yourself (paperwork) I think it's important not to introduce your kids to your new "friend" of course, that shouldn't happen unitl at least a year or two after...and I would think two adults would have enough respect not to bring that person home, but to say not to see other people to me is a little too much. Just my opinion. Not only that, you start to realize how much you deserve to be happy.....when your children see you happy, they are happy.