Unable to committ

LegacyUser

I was friends with a guy for a short while, we had a lot in common, similiar job, similar interests, connections over places we've lived and we generally got on great. We started sleeping together last September after we'd been out and that was fine, I thought we were just going to have a no string attached arrangement. He changed the rules however by acting like we were dating, taking me places, going for romantic days out. I thought ok I'll see where this goes but he kept insisting we were friends which hurt alot.

He introduced me to his family. We were getting very close and then we had a conversation where I just gave up pretending I was ok with acting like I was in a relationship when I wasn't. I said I was either his girlfriend or I wasn't. He said he wasnt the right person for me and we said we'd stay friends.

I dont want to be his friend. I'm making sure I stay away from him but its hard. Especially as he's trying to meet up and be fine but its torture being around him when I like him so much. It feels like he's playing with my head. I'm so confused right now as I'm slowly realising how selfish he is but I still really want to see him.

Anyone being in similiar situation?

Wibbs

Ok I'm usually one for longwindedness but I can only say this; he's taking the píss. Move on and get a man who wants what you want.

Nevyn

Sounds like he been trying out a relationship with you ad you let him with out getting
what you had hoped for out of it.

Cut him out of your life and find someone who does want what you want.

MIN2511

Hmm, this is just glorified FWB.

He cannot eat his cake and have it....


OP, it's easier said than done. You probably want to text him/reply to his texts/calls but please don't. When you start, your emotions starts playing tricks on you and before you know it ye are back in the same "undefined relationship"

LegacyUser

OP, I was in a similar situation up until recently. I was seeing a guy, started out as no strings attached type situation, then he was sending mixed signals, told me how much he liked me and wanted me etc. I completely feel for this guy. After meeting up a few times, he then comes out and tells me he is unable to commit and that it was just all a bit of fun to him.

It completely messed with my head, still does at times when I think about it. It may seem hard now, but you are better off moving on and not seeing him. Find a guy who will treat you right and help you forget all about him because it will just continue to mess with your head otherwise. Good luck.

Karen_*

You should run a mile OP. I know its really hard but you are just going to end up feeling like there's something wrong with you and bad about yourself if you stay in this situation. This guy wants the best of both worlds. Sex and a pseudo relationship with no responsibility at all towards you. You get what you put up with it. Move on and get yourself together because there are loads of great guys out there who do want a relationship. This one is incredibly self absorbed.

LegacyUser

It's ok to tell him you want to have a relationship, call him boyfriend, do things together, be exclusive etc.

The reason why the guys say the cannot commit and stupid stuff like that is because they want to leave their options open in case they meet someone else one night and want to kiss/sleep..watever with them. So that they don't feel guilty afterwards and don't have to give explanations.

Do you really want that? Tell him what you REALLY want. If he doesnt want it, hit the road asap!!! Find someone who wants the same as you and you will avoid problems and heart breaks...

LegacyUser

Thanks guys, I've had a rough week of it with him. Got upset in front of him twice this week which I'm annoyed at myself by. I did however find out alot from other people which has made things much clearer. I had already decided to cut all ties for a while but he keeps insisting he wants to be my friend. I don't think thats possible if I'm honest to myself. He's not having me back, as hard as it is I'm moving on.

I realised its ok to tell him I want to be his girlfriend. It's not what he wants hes made that clear along with saying it to me lately. also his friends knew nothing about me which really hit home so I'll be staying away.

You live and learn I guess Thanks for the replies and help guys.

MIN2511

Unregistered wrote: »

He's not having me back, as hard as it is I'm moving on.

Sorry to single this out but what does this mean? Did you beg him to take you back?:(

LegacyUser

MIN2511 wrote: »

Sorry to single this out but what does this mean? Did you beg him to take you back?:(

No not at all. I mean there's been such mixed messages that if that situation did arise (There is a good chance that it will) I'm not entering into it.