My mother is abusive and i dont know what to do.

LegacyUser

I'm 20 years old, and I have gone through everything she's had to throw at me, and somehow come through the other side. She belittles everything, constantly demines and focuses on the negitive, never praises unless she is drunk, and then you can tell theres an air of sarcasm about it.

Now for myself, its too late the damage has been done, and I am suicidal/many health probelsm etc.
But I am so scared for my younger brother. He is 12 and epileptic, so due to the drug cocktails he's been on since birth he doesnt cope to well. Tonight she has just spent a good 30mins putting him down, calling him "a picece of bull **** liar" and that he's "nearly 13, you should cop on already". 13 FFS! i hate it all.
I really do not know what to do.
We have no close relatives. I have no finacial security and if I were to tell his father (who is in England living) he wouldnt know what to do, no one ever stands up to her, and i know we need to, but I just dont know.

help.

John Mason

you need to phone social services right now.

you will get the phone number from directory equiries

Salome

I'm with the Bunny on this one - he'd be better off in a foster home than with an abusive mean-minded person.

I must congratulate you for coming out the other side - it's a difficult thing to do.

Contact social services and get some outside help - it might bring her to whatever senses she's left with.

He's at an age that if there is no intervention, he'll be emotionally scarred if he doesn't get out of that abuse.

Don't be afraid to ask for help.

Overheal

Hey 234

This is a very useful website: http://www.childline.ie/Home.aspx

That can be really rough. My dad was kinda the same. A bit of an alcho. Always critical. It wasnt till I moved out that I could step back and make sense of it. In my own case, putting me down, pushing me to lose weight, do better in school, etc. - At the end of the day as tactless as the bastard was it just one day struck me as very misguided love. Erm, very misguided. And not an excuse, but I've had to learn to live with my past and try and find a non-destructive way to keep him in my life, which I eventually did. He became so much more understandable after that - everything he said was just his brash way of offering advice. And truly the negativity has subsided and I actually hear compliments sometimes, like "good work". Good Work(!) I mean, nothing to some people, but for us? Breakthrough. We even hug sometimes its much less painful than the belt.

But with the younger brother with epilepsy, not as easy as dealing with it yourself, and you really should contact childline for advice.

Reillyman

I agree with the other two, it will be a hard thing to do but ye'll be much better off in the long run if you get help from social services. As long as you look out for your brother and assure him its for the best he should be able to cope with the whole thing. Just make sure to contact the necessary authorites, these are trained professionals who know how to deal with these scenarios. You've taken the first step by looking for advice. Hope it works out well.

Jammyc

Social Services have to get in on this.
Its your legal responsibility to help the authorities make sure this doesnt happen.




I wonder has the OP called?
I hope so!

Splendour

Unregistered234 wrote: »

I'm 20 years old, and I have gone through everything she's had to throw at me, and somehow come through the other side. She belittles everything, constantly demines and focuses on the negitive, never praises unless she is drunk, and then you can tell theres an air of sarcasm about it.

Now for myself, its too late the damage has been done, and I am suicidal/many health probelsm etc.
But I am so scared for my younger brother. He is 12 and epileptic, so due to the drug cocktails he's been on since birth he doesnt cope to well. Tonight she has just spent a good 30mins putting him down, calling him "a picece of bull **** liar" and that he's "nearly 13, you should cop on already". 13 FFS! i hate it all.
I really do not know what to do.
We have no close relatives. I have no finacial security and if I were to tell his father (who is in England living) he wouldnt know what to do, no one ever stands up to her, and i know we need to, but I just dont know.

help.

Gosh when I hear situations like this, it makes my blood boil! Mental abuse causes so much damage- I see it it on my own daughter from stuff her Dad said to her when she was younger. My heart goes out to you and your brother. I have a boy the same age as your bro and it made me so mad that kids have to go through this...


I think a visit to your GP should be your first port of call. You BOTH need help in this situation. You may have 'come out the other side' physically intact but sounds like you could do with some love and counselling yourself (and no wonder that you do...)Have a chat with your Doc and explain what's going on.

Also sounds like your mother could do with some help-do you think she's an alchoholic? Not that you are responsibile for your mother but might be worth mentioning to your Doctor.

Well done to you for seeking advice and I pray that you and your brother get the help you need and deserve...

Will pray for you guys

CDfm

you also have www.amen.ie who deal with abuse where the perpetrator is a woman

they may pass you to childline but its worth a shot

LegacyUser

To me OP, you seem like a person who's autally very strong, you said you've been through all the mishaps of childhood, suicidal thoughs etc. but you want practical advice. Well as other's have said professional services are there for a reason, but you could also try and reason with the bully. Take your bro under your wing and just stand up to her, practice your 'intervention' explain things to your brother beforehand and just do it - social services are retroactive - they wait for things to go bad before they intervene, and 'mental abuse' as other posters have put it, while a proper term, is not legally binding. You'll get no sympathy from the courts on that one. We know your strong OP, do whats right for you!

CDfm

That assumes you are dealing with a rational human being.

Abusers are not. Why be reasonable when cranking it up a bit gets you what you want.

Social services are the only option as they should be detatched and objective.