Sex with boss?

LegacyUser

Is this ever OK? We are both single, and I find him so very sexy. He's asked me for a dinner. I'm a big girl and could still work with him even if it didn't work out. My main fear is what would the coworkers think of me if they found out.

tba

wow, straight on to the sex question, one step at a time, maybe he will prove to be a complete dick in real life.

shellyboo

You have to consider the worst that can happen - the worst being it went completely tits up, you couldn't work with him anymore and you'd have to move jobs. Is that an option? And if not, you have to decide what's more important - sex with the boss or the job.

Creamy Goodness

what i find potientally more worrying is if it doesn't work out, and you end it and he takes it's the wrong way then you'll have a ****e storm over your head as he'll try anything and everything to make you feel terrible.

it's very sketchy ground imo, proceed with upmost caution

philologos

Don't rush to sex as the first conclusion. Try going out with him and then decide if you want to move further naturally. Especially since your boss is someone you are going to have to deal with on a daily basis, tread carefully.

dlofnep

Take him up on the dinner, scope out the story and see what happens.

*Honey*

I would think it's never a good idea... too fraught with problems.

Mr. Presentable

You're a big girl. He asked you to dinner. You are putting the horse before the cart. Maybe he wants to give you the sack, but not in the manner you propose. Who can say what's on his mind.

And to hell with co-workers. You are a big girl and do not need their approval. Or mine.

MITSIRULES

Unregistered wrote: »

Is this ever OK? We are both single, and I find him so very sexy. He's asked me for a dinner. I'm a big girl and could still work with him even if it didn't work out. My main fear is what would the coworkers think of me if they found out.

You got asked for dinner not sex ?!! if you want it go for it, and sure you don't have to tell anybody in work about your new overtime !!! You never know you job might be kept safe if you do it, no need to worry about 3 day weeks or pay cuts again !!!

tbh

the only way I could see this being a good idea is if this guy is the only guy who will ever have sex with you, ever again. And even then I'd say "not the worst idea" rather than "good idea".

fifth

No No no! Just don't!

Bottle_of_Smoke

Co-workers will look at you in a different way unless the boss is a really cool genuine boss who treats people very well.

If you ever get promoted a lot will put it down to the fact you're sleeping with the boss, even if its nothing to do with that

LegacyUser

I went out with my boss. I had a brilliant job in Intel. We had a serious relationship and he persuaded me I had to leave as his job would be jeapordised if we were found out (and he couldn't leave as he was higher up the ladder and hence career more important). Relationships with managers/employees weren't allowed. I left my job. We broke up. In hindsight it was a mistake from the beginning going out with him.

I think he saw it as a thrill that I was younger than him and he still 'got it'.
It was stressful being a couple in secret.

There are other fish out there. Forget about him.

pwd

totally inappropriate

Overheal

Very Volatile Scenario. Could go either way, but the odds are stacked in one direction.

Terodil

No no no.

The consequences can be much more dire than just your current job. Depending on the industry you are in, his reference can decide whether you will get another job any time soon or not. If things go really bad you may end up having to switch your profession or move someplace else.

Suzyq

Unregistered wrote: »

I went out with my boss. I had a brilliant job in Intel. We had a serious relationship and he persuaded me I had to leave as his job would be jeapordised if we were found out (and he couldn't leave as he was higher up the ladder and hence career more important). Relationships with managers/employees weren't allowed. I left my job. We broke up. In hindsight it was a mistake from the beginning going out with him.

I think he saw it as a thrill that I was younger than him and he still 'got it'.
It was stressful being a couple in secret.

There are other fish out there. Forget about him.

This is the most likely scenario. Two of my friends went down the exact same road and neither of them ended well

alexandros

Just last week I started having sex with one of my employees.
If my District Manager finds out, we will both be fired instantly.
(co-workers can date each other but not management)
We both know this yet continue to meet.. daily now.
We both know we shouldn't, but the sex is too good.
This will end badly.
I know it.
I am waiting for it.

Oh well.:p

DARKIZE

nipplenuts wrote: »

And to hell with co-workers. You are a big girl and do not need their approval. Or mine.

Not so. If you decide to play around with the boss, then you by default change your relationship with your co-workers. How can they speak freely in front of her again ? And more importantly in the current climate, what if redundancies or wage cuts need to be made ? How could her co-workers be confident of fair treatment.

No.......its a minefield. Avoid.

scanlas

I don't think you should do it, he can't be the only man in the world you find sexy.

There are so many things that could go wrong with that situation.

username123

If I were your bosses boss and I found out he'd asked you out Id severely reprimand him. If I found out you had started a relationship Id fire both of you.

Dont you see the impact of this?
The boss asks a worker out. That worker feels they cant say no - its the boss. Thats sexual harrassment. Its using your position to coerce someone lower down the ladder into a sexual relationship with you.

You personally may not feel that way but higher level management in the company are going to be aware that a boss asking his staff out risks the company being hit with a sexual harrassment case.

What about the impact on co-workers? Who wants to work with someone who is sleeping with the boss? So office relations become soured as a result of it as well.

What about if you break up? He could turn psycho - you could lose your job. You could turn psycho - he could lose his job.

Its incredibly unprofessional for him to ask a staff member out and if you have any sense you'll turn it down immediately. Its totally inappropriate.

Theres a reason why most companies have a policy of not allowing relationships between management and staff - its to protect the staff from being bullied into relationships at the risk of losing their job if they dont go along with it, and its to protect the company from being hit with a sexual harrassment case. Not to mention the sheer idiocy of sexual relationships between management and staff causing problems for other staff members.

cafecolour

It's not the best idea, but plenty of people do it. If you're pretty ambitious in this particular career it's probably a lot less of a good idea, if it's just a 'job' it's less of a worry. Basically he's gotta to be pretty good for the risk - better than acceptable standards if you just met him in a pub or through friends or what not.

I wouldn't try and do too much sneaking around with it - I think the current trend is actually to go to HR and both of you confirm that you are entering in this willingly to preclude future sexual harassment suits.

LegacyUser

username123 wrote: »

If I were your bosses boss and I found out he'd asked you out Id severely reprimand him. If I found out you had started a relationship Id fire both of you.

Dont you see the impact of this?
The boss asks a worker out. That worker feels they cant say no - its the boss. Thats sexual harrassment. Its using your position to coerce someone lower down the ladder into a sexual relationship with you.

You personally may not feel that way but higher level management in the company are going to be aware that a boss asking his staff out risks the company being hit with a sexual harrassment case.

What about the impact on co-workers? Who wants to work with someone who is sleeping with the boss? So office relations become soured as a result of it as well.

What about if you break up? He could turn psycho - you could lose your job. You could turn psycho - he could lose his job.

Its incredibly unprofessional for him to ask a staff member out and if you have any sense you'll turn it down immediately. Its totally inappropriate.

Theres a reason why most companies have a policy of not allowing relationships between management and staff - its to protect the staff from being bullied into relationships at the risk of losing their job if they dont go along with it, and its to protect the company from being hit with a sexual harrassment case. Not to mention the sheer idiocy of sexual relationships between management and staff causing problems for other staff members.

Little old thing called Unfair Dismissals Act, unless you have specifically written a clause into the contract of employment then you cannot do this.

Plenty of colleagues carry on relationships that has no effect on their work. Most forward thinking Companies wouldn't have policies in place prohobiting this either. It is a very "Old School" way of thinking as far as I'm concerned.

And I do knpow what I'm talking about... MSc BA(HONS) MCIPD

username123

Unregistered wrote: »

Little old thing called Unfair Dismissals Act, unless you have specifically written a clause into the contract of employment then you cannot do this.

Plenty of colleagues carry on relationships that has no effect on their work. Most forward thinking Companies wouldn't have policies in place prohobiting this either. It is a very "Old School" way of thinking as far as I'm concerned.

And I do knpow what I'm talking about... MSc BA(HONS) MCIPD

Colleagues and colleagues no problem, indeed a manager from one section with a staff member from another no problem - but managers and their direct subordinates - not a good idea.

A lot of large companies would actually have clauses in the contracts prohibiting this. I myself have worked in 2 such companies.

You may consider it old school - but its still relevant that a staff member may feel undue pressure to partake in a relationship with the boss simply because he is the boss.

Nice letters after your name. I myself have a string twice as long but dont feel the need to validate my opinion by listing my professional qualifications

tba

and you have 123 after your name, now stop waving your "qualifications" around while saying you are not

bohsboy

alexander.t wrote: »

Just last week I started having sex with one of my employees.
If my District Manager finds out, we will both be fired instantly.
(co-workers can date each other but not management)
We both know this yet continue to meet.. daily now.
We both know we shouldn't, but the sex is too good.
This will end badly.
I know it.
I am waiting for it.

Oh well.:p

Jesus mate, be careful, you've stated where you work and also posted a picture of yourself in your previous posts. Go unreg'd next time.

partyguinness

So he likes "big girls"...

cos they are beautiful...lalala

hedgeh0g

You are wearing rose tinted glasses. Take them off, and everything else and go for it.

Life is too short for doing the right thing, being employed all the time, etc.
The bosses desk is always a favourite, and now you can get the chance with his permission.

LegacyUser

username123 wrote: »

You may consider it old school - but its still relevant that a staff member may feel undue pressure to partake in a relationship with the boss simply because he is the boss.

Is this a school or a workplace??? They are all adults and capable of making up their own mind about entering into a relationship or not. You cannot control your employees personal lives.



Also why wouldn't you validate your opinions, it's nice to know that you are offering an educated response, you wouldn't publish an article without your credentials...

username123

Unregistered wrote: »

Is this a school or a workplace??? They are all adults and capable of making up their own mind about entering into a relationship or not. You cannot control your employees personal lives.

You certainly cannot control your employees personal lives but the fact remains that its possible an employee would be so in fear of losing the job that theyd go along with a bosses advances rather than say no. It boils down to an uneven distribution of power in the relationship. In a workplace context the boss is more powerful than the employee, to ask an employee out could be construed as abusing that power (i am not suggesting this is the OPs situation - but generally speaking this can be an issue with boss/employee relationships).

Unregistered wrote: »

Also why wouldn't you validate your opinions, it's nice to know that you are offering an educated response, you wouldn't publish an article without your credentials...

I also wouldnt publish an article using an anonymous username. This is an internet forum, not a peer reviewed journal, so there is no guarantee that anyones credentials are what they say they are.

Leprachaun

Of course it's alright. Who cares what other people think. As long as you remain acting professional at work there's absolutely no reason not to,at least,go out to dinner with him.

estar

is it wise ?

in your best interests?

likely to end well?

no

no

and

no

so in this environment where jobs are hard to find, why throw a spanner in the works.

the answer is NO