Should I trust my new partner

purejuice

Well were do I start I have started a new relationship (5 months) and things couldnt be better, hes a great guy, would move the world for me, he recently came back in contact with a girl he worked with years ago and they keep in contact via a well known site, I have checked their messages and nothing is being said on there that I should worry about but I feel like I have to check everyday and its making me insanley jealous :mad: My last partner who I was with for many years broke my heart Do you think I have a resaon to doubt this guy or should I walk away?

Wibbs

Better off in PI.

shellyboo

I cannot fathom why you would walk away from a guy because he is merely talking to another woman - because, OP, that is all he is doing. Of course you should trust him.

Karen_*

No reason to doubt him at all, there was never anything going on with him and the other girl. They're only in touch via a site and not hanging out all the time. The problem is with you I'm afraid and you're compulsively checking things. You're going to drive yourself nuts and drive him away so you need to figure out how you can stop.

Mr. Incognito

could an Mod merge this with the other thread please

Fanny Cradock

No, purejuice, you should remain insanely jealous and irrational and continue to invade his privacy until he has had enough of you.

It is unfortunate that you previous squeeze broke your heart, but your current mindset and inappropriate actions are setting you up for another fall. If you have self confidence issues you better sort them out.

helimachoptor

Have a similar problem with my own GF, an ex got back in touch via facebook there a while ago, havent seen/spoke to her in 4+ years and with my current GF 5 years, now the odd time she'll leave a comment on it saying hi, did you have a good weekend etc, yet my GF is insanely jealous.

Even after I told her she was married with a kid!!

LegacyUser

It's not to worry, you have your right to be a bit jelous,though..I'd keep checking their messages until you make sure that they're are only friends (just for your own peace of mind), but I wouldn't really worry. Everybody have both male and female friends.
The more you get to know him the more you'll know about him and his past, and the less jelous you'll get...

Queencake

If you walk away just because he's chatting to an old work friend and you are consumed with jealousy then you have no one to blame but yourself.

You said yourself things are going great and he's lovely. Don't wreak things for yourself. Don't look at that networking website until you get things into perspective.

You really need to trust your bf. He hasn't given you any reason not to. The opposite in fact as he's a good bf so far.

purejuice

purejuice wrote: »

Well were do I start I have started a new relationship (5 months) and things couldnt be better, hes a great guy, would move the world for me, he recently came back in contact with a girl he worked with years ago and they keep in contact via a well known site, I have checked their messages and nothing is being said on there that I should worry about but I feel like I have to check everyday and its making me insanley jealous :mad: My last partner who I was with for many years broke my heart Do you think I have a resaon to doubt this guy or should I walk away?

First of all do you realise that if you continue acting in this manner he will leave you for no other reason than your behaviour?
Secondly, don't project your issues from your past partner onto someone who has absolutely no connection with them. These are your own trust problems. You need to deal with them and realise one person mistreating you has absolutely nothing to do with this great guy and it's extremely unfair on him to act as you are doing.
Finally for the love of god STOP reading his messages. No matter how innocent they will be you will convince yourself into reading more into them than is there. You'll also make your pattern of jealousy + checking worse. Ignore his messages completely.

smares

bluewolf wrote: »

First of all do you realise that if you continue acting in this manner he will leave you for no other reason than your behaviour?
Secondly, don't project your issues from your past partner onto someone who has absolutely no connection with them. These are your own trust problems. You need to deal with them and realise one person mistreating you has absolutely nothing to do with this great guy and it's extremely unfair on him to act as you are doing.
Finally for the love of god STOP reading his messages. No matter how innocent they will be you will convince yourself into reading more into them than is there. You'll also make your pattern of jealousy + checking worse. Ignore his messages completely.

`
Totally agree, spot on.
You don't trust him because of your last relationship which is not fair not every one is the same and can't be trusted.
You need to start trusting him and stop reading his messages or if you can't trust him whats the point of being together it will always cause problems.
How would you feel if he checked your messages all the time?!

John Mason

Again no trust = no relationship

let this guy go and let him get on with his life and find a girl who isnt so paranoid and lets him have female friends

knuck

Admittitly jealousy is an irrational thing. But you should try to judge the facts as rationally as you can.

Beaucoupfish

They are hardly going to start kissing over the internet. Don't get jealous. If they haven't seen each other for years they will probably realise there was a reason for this and stop contacting each other after the initial excitement and nostalgia. These are new problems created by Facebook etc. Maybe social-networking fatigue will set in soon.

purejuice

Thanks everyone for the advice, Im gonna try not to be so jealous and going to make the most of my new realtionship even if it dosent last

John Mason

purejuice wrote: »

Thanks everyone for the advice, Im gonna try not to be so jealous and going to make the most of my new realtionship even if it dosent last :)

Well, with that attitude, it isnt going anywhere IMO

purejuice

Lol well I did say I would try, not much more I can do, and Im not gonna read no more emails etc, and you never know if this will last, I hope it does but like any new relationship you never know. :rolleyes:

Fanny Cradock

purejuice wrote: »

Thanks everyone for the advice, Im gonna try not to be so jealous and going to make the most of my new realtionship even if it dosent last

Reading back over each of your posts, purejuice, do you not see how each predicts the end of the relationship? Maybe you feel that you are saving yourself from an emotional fall by viewing your relationship as something with a very limited future. But the reality is that the jealously, the invasion of your BF's privacy and this defeatist attitude will eventually come out and poison whatever it is you two have.

I hope it is as easy as simply deciding not to do these things. You should probably start by looking at why you feel driven to behave this way.

katie 2

id be jealous too to be honest i have the same problem and its driving me mad. I notice my boyfriend does be txtn all the time and even till 2 and 3 in the morning. he sent a message saying well babes u make me so happy, dont know what to think :(

Salome

OP - you've a very defeatist attitude - be positive about your relationship otherwise you'll be the one to mess it up. You obviously have some self-esteem issues and feel that your OH is just waiting for an excuse to leave you. You need to stop being so negative - don't assume that he's going to be unfaithful, remember he's with you for a reason!!!! By thinking so negatively, you are sub-consciously putting the mokkers on your relationship.

Enjoy your relationship for goodness sake. You are reading into something that's nothing. Do you think he'd be publicly posting on a social networking site that you can see if he was being unfaithful?

Lighten up! Be positive!

purejuice

Yeah I know thanks guys, I mean I guess I am just looking for negative reasons thinking hes gonna leave me but he has me listed on his page as his girlfriend and he puts me on his status so Im worrying over nothing, silly me hey :rolleyes: