Think I'm having a Nervous Breakdown

LegacyUser

Hi

I wanted to get some peoples advice.
6 months ago I started a very intensive postgrad course away from home.
It was fairly stressful from the start, and up until now I've managed (just about) the workload.
However in the last few days , everything has gotten on top of me.
I can't remember the smallest things and I am the most stressed out I've even been in my life.
I have arranged to meet my tutor tomorrow and possible talk to a counsellor on sunday.
Really though.. I feel I just want to get away from all this stress completely.

If I walk away from this , I will be turning away from a huge oppertunity to launch my career in a very difficult and competitive industry.
I am lucky to have been accepted on the course in the first place as competition is so high.
Yet I have reached my limits stress wise..have not been able to sleep due to anxiety and don't see how I can continue.

Family are flying over tomorrow morning, and I will have to talk to my tutor and tell her what I plan on doing.
This is the hardest thing I've ever had to face.

Does anyone have any thoughts/advice?

I'm at my wits end.

sorry for such a long post.

AARRRGH

I can relate somewhat. My username used to be dublindude, but I changed it to AARRRGH when I was doing my masters. That was what I wanted to scream as my head was so wrecked.

Have a read of this thread I started last year: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055306356

Although it won't seem as if I was very stressed, I really was, and I really felt I was in way over my head.

If you read the entire thread though, you will see I stuck with it, and worked like a crazy bastard until I got everything done. In the end I got an A.

Talk to your tutor. He won't want you to drop out, and he'll be able to advise you on how to proceed.

You'll be alright. Don't drop out. Worst case scenario you fail, which is exactly what will happen if you drop out.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the reply.
I wish I could find the strength to continue. I very much need to be away from the stress right now.
I also think I should speak to a doctor as my head is all over the place.
I doubt it'll be allowed but I feel very unstable and not like myself at all.
It's horrible.

Victor

I'm doing a post grad also and while I am finding the theory fine, the formulae are wrecking my head. I sat down with the tutor and he explained that I was one of the better students in class.

Sometimes the worry is misplaced - those that worry actually care and do well, those that don't worry,don't care and don't do well.

Another thing I did was for a study group with three others.

AARRRGH

I agree 100% with Victor.

On a number of occassions I was thinking I need to drop out, and that my thesis was just too advanced for me, so I went and spoke to my tutor and he told me I was way ahead of what is expected of me, and that I have nothing to worry about.

You have to remember that there are a lot of very average to poor students doing postgrads, so it is quite likely you are not as screwed as you think you are. You've just built things up in your head and allowed yourself to get overly stressed.

Have a good chat to your tutor and see what he/she says. Try to remind yourself that the worst that can happen to you is you fail, and if you drop out that will definitely happen, so by continuing with your course you have nothing to lose.

I counsel myself on things all the time. If I am worried about something I go for a long walk and have a conversation with myself. Basically it is like a counseller/client chat, where I talk things through with myself. I always feel better after it.

Remember that you are creating the stress, so you can remove it too.

LegacyUser

I have had a very similar experience. Three years ago I was studying a very intensive masters at a top English university. I started to have experience just like you after a month or so of the course. I felt under severe pressure and I was too ashamed to tell anyone about my insomnia and anxiety.

The key thing is to act now and don't let things get any worse. This level of stress on a prolonged basis can lead to depression. Make an apointment to see a doctor and explain to him just how you feel - he won't judge and will give you good advice.

It will help to talk to your counsellor - talking out your worries can lighten the load. Be honest with your tutor.

Stay close to your family and friends. Remember that although your studies are important to you, your mental wellbeing should be even more important.

LegacyUser

What you are both saying is all too familiar.
I have been repeatedly told to relax since the start of the course, and that I am doing fine.
The trouble is that people have been telling me to relax all my life and I simply don't know how. I have tried time and time again to not take things so seriously....but it's an endless cycle.
I'm in tears typing this as I'm so upset at the thought of messing up such a big opportunity.
I've been feeling this way since Friday and have not been able to think straight.
I just want this to end.

LegacyUser

I also did a postgrad and it was a nightmare. No comparison to a primary degree.

Sounds like you need to slow down and take it in BITE SIZED chunks. Make a list and do piece by piece. Walk away completely for a day or two if you need to and clear your head. Then start doing what you can, bit by bit and it will add up to a whole.

And talk to your tutor. Perhaps leaving the course is a good option but t sounds like you've worked yourself into such a state that you can't make that decision right now. So mental holiday, followed by well organised study followed by tutor chat for you my friend!

Overheal

worries sick wrote: »

What you are both saying is all too familiar.
I have been repeatedly told to relax since the start of the course, and that I am doing fine.
The trouble is that people have been telling me to relax all my life and I simply don't know how. I have tried time and time again to not take things so seriously....but it's an endless cycle.
I'm in tears typing this as I'm so upset at the thought of messing up such a big opportunity.
I've been feeling this way since Friday and have not been able to think straight.
I just want this to end.

go to your tutor and see where you stand. Like Victors case (and mine) you think you are drowning in your work. Then someone puts it into perspective for you. You realise just how on top of things you are/its not nearly as bad as you think. It sounds like you just need someone to help you get your bearings back, like youre not running off a schedule right now; everything is in the air and you dont know how and when everything needs to be done. Just step back it put it all into a plan/schedule. At the moment youre trying to process too much at once, rather than in sequence.

wexford1

http://www.recovery-inc.org/

http://www.recovery-inc-ireland.ie/

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for all the replies.
I met my tutor earlier who very much urged me to get back working as soon as possible.
She was very nice, but I don't think she fully understood the mental strain i'm under at the minute. It was more a case of 'ah so we all go through a bit of stress every now and then' and this is MUCH MORE than a bit of stress.
I feel like something has snapped in my head.
My folks arrived over shortly after and where shocked to see the state I was in.
They insisted I see a doctor immediately. I've got an appointment in the morning.

CorkLady1983

hi - have been there - best bet is to speak to doctor and lecturers, talk it over with family as well, they are all here to help you, I didnt early enough a few years back and almost did not sit my finals in college, but thankfully one of my friends persuaded me to get help when she saw how awful I looked....
- it sounds like to me that you are a bit burnt out as well - exercising really does help, go to the gym, even if its only for 30 mins most days, you might feel guilty not studying all the time, but it really is for your good...

gaeilgegrinds

I had a breakdown a few years back, sounds like you need to organise your time so you have time for yourself. 30 mins exercise most days and perhaps ten mins meditation. Also, eat as well as you can. And keep in touch with your tutor.

LegacyUser

Thought I'd update you guys on what happened today.
I saw a doctor who immediately said I needed to get away from all things stressful for two weeks. He also gave me some sleeping tablets to help with the isomnia.
My tutor eventually agreed to let me have the time off as she knows my work is always up to scratch in normal circumstances.

I'm going to go back home for a break and to clear my head.
Hopefully I will return refreshed.

Valmont

I'm in the same boat although I'm in the final year of my undergrad with a thesis due date looming over me. I had a serious panic attack before Christmas, I thought I was having a heart attack, it was horrible. Although my grades are always pretty good I'm reconsidering doing a post-grad as I'm sure the stress will be more than I can handle. That said, I've found the break-it-into-chunks approach has worked for me better than anything. Good luck op

EDIT: Still can't sleep will though as the time I posted this at will attest!