Poor communication skills at work

LegacyUser

Hi, I am currently in my new job for 6 weeks. I was fortunate to get a fairly decent job in these tough times. I'm blessed in fact. However I'm finding it difficult. I feel I've just lost my nerve. Part of my job consists of daily meetings. Usually there's about 10 plus people at these meetings. I'm expected to participate at them. However I'm finding it very difficult to speak in front of other people in these circumstances. I find myself not being able to articulate my words, sometimes I even stutter and can't be understood, I even get the feelings of panic attacks at these meetings. I know it's down to a lack of self confidence which I've always had. Also I even sometimes find it hard to ask work related questions to other employees. I don't feel I'm adeqate as regards my work. I'm afraid of how I come across and don't want to be talked about behind my back about being a nervous, shy weirdo. I'm in my mid 30s. I don't feel I'm cut out for this type of work that invovles communication but I really can't afford to leave this job for finacial reasons. Has anyone advice about how I can over this problem? I've recently resorted to sedatives but this is a short term soultion and not ideal. Thanks for reading

Stheno

Hiya

First off, without being condescending, try to relax, everyone else around you is not only human, but most likely dying inside at the thoughts of contributing/talking.

Secondly you are only there six weeks.

A trick I've used when I've been in new jobs is to participate by asking questions, even to the extent of saying, "So we are doing x, am I right in thinking that that means y?"

It's something routine, it helps you learn, and it gets you used to participating, take lots of notes and target your questions.

Don't be afraid as well to use your notes outside of the meetings to ask colleagues more knowledgable in specific areas exactly what was being referred to, people always like to help people who show an interest in my opinion.

And the very best of luck to you too, I know exactly how you feel.

LegacyUser

nouggatti wrote: »

Hiya

First off, without being condescending, try to relax, everyone else around you is not only human, but most likely dying inside at the thoughts of contributing/talking.

Secondly you are only there six weeks.

A trick I've used when I've been in new jobs is to participate by asking questions, even to the extent of saying, "So we are doing x, am I right in thinking that that means y?"

It's something routine, it helps you learn, and it gets you used to participating, take lots of notes and target your questions.

Don't be afraid as well to use your notes outside of the meetings to ask colleagues more knowledgable in specific areas exactly what was being referred to, people always like to help people who show an interest in my opinion.

And the very best of luck to you too, I know exactly how you feel.

Thanks, some sound advice there

mikemac

Practice makes perfect so you need to push yourself to improve.

Best thing we ever did in my college was presentations. Like yourself I was stumbling and generally messing it up. Took a few attempts to improve.
It gets easier and now I do enjoy giving presentations, you can sneak in a few jokes too!

So set a goal OP to contribute something at every meeting. I'm not saying speak for the sake of it but shure ask a question. I'd bet the question you ask will be the one that everyone else wanted to ask but didn't speak up. You're only new but maybe ask your boss to get a different person to chair the meeting every week, it gives everyone practice. You just rotate it around, it's a simple thing to introduce.

In time, you'll be giving presentations no bother.
Hey look at Bertie Ahern, charismatic man but he was no great public speaker and constantly stuttered through speeches but it was enough.

craiginireland

nervous guy wrote: »

Hi, I am currently in my new job for 6 weeks. I was fortunate to get a fairly decent job in these tough times. I'm blessed in fact. However I'm finding it difficult. I feel I've just lost my nerve. Part of my job consists of daily meetings. Usually there's about 10 plus people at these meetings. I'm expected to participate at them. However I'm finding it very difficult to speak in front of other people in these circumstances. I find myself not being able to articulate my words, sometimes I even stutter and can't be understood, I even get the feelings of panic attacks at these meetings. I know it's down to a lack of self confidence which I've always had. Also I even sometimes find it hard to ask work related questions to other employees. I don't feel I'm adeqate as regards my work. I'm afraid of how I come across and don't want to be talked about behind my back about being a nervous, shy weirdo. I'm in my mid 30s. I don't feel I'm cut out for this type of work that invovles communication but I really can't afford to leave this job for finacial reasons. Has anyone advice about how I can over this problem? I've recently resorted to sedatives but this is a short term soultion and not ideal. Thanks for reading

It will come. i suspect it's just nerves. Any new job is going to be nervewracking. You need to and I know its a cliche, "Work like you don't need the money."
Don't worry about getting it wrong and if you do, use it as an opportunity to get to know your workmates.

dny123456

Try not to worry too much. Everyone feels like that. I know I used to freeze up anytime i talked to anything over 4 or 5 people. I'm much better now though. Forced myself to lecture in a night class for around a 100. It was hell, but i don't feel nervous at all now.

one thing also to think about, when your feeling nervous, that in some ways your manner is non-threatening and a endearing to some. It would be worse to be over confident or arrogant.

But if you'd like a more immediate course of action, you could try toastmasters?

LegacyUser

Was in the same boat as you many years ago.

I had to present in front of clients every few weeks and it killed me - I won't go into one presentation which knocked my conidence for years.

Get yourself to toastmasters which is a sure fire way to get you used to speaking in public (which is by the way one of the scariest things that people ever have to do).

You could try hypnotherapy as well - you can download "tapes" online.

Also, breath deeply before you speak and know what you are trying to say.

Keep sentences short:

"there is a problem with Sector A (breath)
They have not reached normal standards (breath)
I propose that we send up a consultant (breath)
That should sort of the problem. (breath)"

A trick I used to do was print out my presentations and then hand them out at the start of a meeting - that meant that people were looking at it more so than at me..... especially if there are graphs or visuals on it.

Good luck.

Oh, you could talk to people during the week before the meetings and say "Jeez, I am not so good at presenting at meetings, it weirds me out" - this (a) makes them empathise with you and (b) takes the pressure off you having to be perfect. Depends on the type of place you work too I guess (as in you might not want to appear weak in certain work places).

ogriofa

Hi, I've only spoken twice in front of people. My voice kinda broke but I just ploughed on through. The guy beside me (in the same boat) was cursing me cause he reckoned I was slick!
So you don't look as nervous to the others as you think you do. And there's a guy with us who's super confident - most people don't like him (and generally switch off)
Good luck dude - plough on through!!

LegacyUser

Have to agree with all here. I can't stand formal meetings, and when attention switches to me I tend to go red and wish the floor would open up!It's all so serious, and I often find that stuff comes up at a meeting that seems serious, but there's usually a simple explanation involved, which can't be explained at the meting, coz cetain people don't need to hear it. I know I've to try and just get into the habit of learning certain things to say and I hear the people around me using phrases like the ones suggested here, but Ijust don't feel confident enough yet (and I'm 3 years in my job).
Basically what I'm trying to say is you are really not the only one, and I hope it'll get easier with practice too. But it takes a while to settle in to a job in the first place anyway, without worrying about performance at meetings too.And I get severe anxiety before them aswell, I'm hoping it'll pass with time (I've only really started attending a lot of meetings recently, so I'm noticing these things now)

marzic

I have found over the years that if I was in that situation, I would practice by standing in front of the mirror and saying it out loud, get used to hearing the sound of your own voice. If theres a regular structure to the meetings, or a recurring theme, stick to a format, the more often you go through it, the easier it will become. You may be able to pre-empt questions, they usually are the same key ones which are asked regularly. Bring a glass of water, and sip it so your mouth dont go dry, or just to take a pause from talking. Write down questions you want to ask and read them out if necessary. There are tones of books on self help and there are courses on personal development, either through work or night study. All the best

kmick

Why speak at all unless needed. I find I never say a word in meetings for about 6 months until I know what I am doing and understand all the lingo. Unless you are required to speak keep it closed. When you are required to speak instaed of stammering which indicates to me you are unsure of the topic say "I dont know the answer to that right now can I come back to you."

muppetkiller

Also if you are to present a little update at each meeting ask your manager can you go first as it's the waiting that freaks most people out.
Just remember to concentrate on your breathing as that's the most important reason people start to panic.

LegacyUser

I could have written the original post.
I dont lack self confidence in other areas but have developed a major barrier at meetings and speaking in front of a group. IN particular I struggle when I am chairing a meeting or have to start off on a long pre-amble
I manage 35 people and my job revolves around meetings.

I feel embarassed and disheartened

I have done numerous presentations sometimes of up to 300 people.
I can manage these with some preparation and I feel I am removed from the audience as I am up on stage

I experience the same symptoms as you now when speaking, breathlessness, tension, heart pounding, voice trembling.

Cannot afford to quit this line of work either. I havent conquered this yet but here is what I am doing
Joined Toastmasters
Keeping a track of meetings, writing down my impressions- you will be surprised at how well some meetings go
Got a relaxation tape
Got overcoming social anxiety book by Gillian Butler



It is psychological so you are going to need psychological methods to break it

nervous guy

nervous guy wrote: »

. Also I even sometimes find it hard to ask work related questions to other employees. I don't feel I'm adeqate as regards my work.

Ah, this happens to a lot of people. Myself as well when I started in a new area and hadn't a clue half the time. Best thing to do while you're still new is ask all the questions you can. Say "just so I'm clear, I'm doing x, so that means I do it this way, right...?" kind of things. Honestly, I'm sure they'll be happy to help you out, especially as you are only there 6 weeks.
Don't sit there for ages trying to figure stuff out if you don't know - it's really mostly a waste of time if you've spent more than an hour or so at it without getting anywhere, and it won't help you learn at that stage. Plus asking for help or asking work related questions opens up communication with the other employees - you might then find them following up the answers with some easy small talk.