Good looking but shy!

LegacyUser

I'm not being vain or anything of the sort but I am a good looking guy but fairly shy. When I go out to clubs I make eye contact with plenty of girls but don't know where to go from there. Do I just go over? What do i do when i go over? Are they interested or do they just like to look around? ( I myself enjoy randomly looking around)

When I do manage to get talking to girls, often because they come over to me because I am too shy, I quickly run out of things to talk about and don't know where to go from there! Very frustrating.

I'm not used to the "game" because I've always seemed to be in a relationship so I guess I do have a lack of confidence and practice. Any help would be great guys and gals!

Cheers for reading

LegacyUser

hi - im kinda like you except im female - i always wait for the guy to come over to me to talk but since ur the guy ur kinda expected to make the first move (maybe im wrong im not being sexist) but anyways - just talk about music - where they are from - anything that comes into ur head - dont think about it - who cares if its a silly thing to say - who cares ur out having fun in a pub or wherever - just have fun

MIN2511

Do i go over?

Yes, you should. If she's making eye contact with you means she's interested.
Women enjoy looking around, i do and when i make eye contact with a guy it's my "come get me"- jeez thats just sounds wrong!
I also enjoy randomly looking around but i wouldn't make eye contact if i wasn't interested.

So the girls come over to you-nice....
No need for you to get shy, she's a bold girl, she likes you to chat you up, what more do you want... She's AVAILABLE!!!!!!!

Topic to talk about
1. College/work
2. Gym
3. Sport(Rugby, soccer)
4. Travelling
5. Facebook/bebo
6. Recession
7. Fave Pubs/night club
8. War in Iraq...
9. Porn

There are so many things to talk about...

There is nothing like the "game" if you really like a girl and would like to get to know her better(one night/relationship) you gotta make things work!
Practice makes perfect, some girls would shoot you down

LegacyUser

MIN2511 wrote: »

Do i go over?

Yes, you should. If she's making eye contact with you means she's interested.
Women enjoy looking around, i do and when i make eye contact with a guy it's my "come get me"- jeez thats just sounds wrong!
I also enjoy randomly looking around but i wouldn't make eye contact if i wasn't interested.

So the girls come over to you-nice....
No need for you to get shy, she's a bold girl, she likes you to chat you up, what more do you want... She's AVAILABLE!!!!!!!

Topic to talk about
1. College/work
2. Gym
3. Sport(Rugby, soccer)
4. Travelling
5. Facebook/bebo
6. Recession
7. Fave Pubs/night club
8. War in Iraq...
9. Porn

There are so many things to talk about...

There is nothing like the "game" if you really like a girl and would like to get to know her better(one night/relationship) you gotta make things work!
Practice makes perfect, some girls would shoot you down

Some good advice here though not sure that talking about porn is the way forward, depends on the girl I guess.

I would say ask her questions about herself. What do you do, where you from, stuff like that and be ethusiastic about what they are saying. People like to talk about themselves so make sure that she is talking a lot more than you are. And smile.

MIN2511

Unregistered wrote: »

Some good advice here though not sure that talking about porn is the way forward, depends on the girl I guess.

I would say ask her questions about herself. What do you do, where you from, stuff like that and be ethusiastic about what they are saying. People like to talk about themselves so make sure that she is talking a lot more than you are. And smile.

Hahaha... i know some girls freak out about that but i don't see the need... whatever topic she doesn't like she can either ignore it or laugh at it...

pwd

If you smile at a girl, her reaction should indicate if she's actually trying to get your attention (or if she's just examining you because you look odd or something).
Don't worry if you run out of things to say just relax and pay attention to her. Questions are good. If there's chemistry it will feel ok to touch them (on the arm or lower back or hand etc). Again their reaction will indicate how interested/comfortable they are. After that you might feel like kissing them and if you do, do.

It's all intuitive. You need to listen to your gut feeling. Guys are generally expected to make the moves, but they usually look for signals from the girl to do so.
Think of it as a process with the following stages:
Eye contact, smile, talk, touch, kiss.
Whichever stage you're on, you should be deciding if you want to move to the next one, and trying to move things on to there if you do. Don't think about any stage beyond the next one, and it should feel natural.
If you follow this approach, girls will generally feel comfortable around you (you're not pushing things), and respect you (you're making the moves). You don't run much risk of feeling stupid or losing face. You also will have plenty of opportunity to spot danger signs etc (never ignore alarm bells).

Queencake

SHy ShY! wrote: »

When I go out to clubs I make eye contact with plenty of girls but don't know where to go from there. Do I just go over? What do i do when i go over? Are they interested or do they just like to look around? ( I myself enjoy randomly looking around)

If they maintain eye contact you're in there.

If they look away but look back again with a smile or even blushing/bashfulness you're in there.

If you see them preening or turning their bodies towards you in a flattering angle for them you're in there.

As for the porn idea - yes she'll probably laugh but tbh it's more likely she'd write you off as having a one track mind. Plus you're shy so I think that's the last thing you'll consider discussing.

Ask them if they go to *random* college/work in *random* music shop. They'll say "no" and you can smile and say "my mistake", then ask "so where do you work?" with another smile. Then tbh as you go from there is up to your quick thinking. If she's attracted to yoy TRUST me you don't have to be the greatest conversationalist strightaway. She'll WANT to chat and will help you out or be easy going about it. If it's all going well, ie. you're chatting for a while and u get a positive and nice vibe from her offer to get drinks for you both. If she goes "No" but in an awkward way (not a stern way) then say "Ah, tell you what if you let me give you a twirl on the dancefloor we'll call it even".

Tbh the main thing is that you seem like you're having a good time and that you don't take yourself too seriously.

af_thefragile

You think too much.

Just go over and say hi.
Speak about whatever comes to your mind. If you hit off with her, then the conversations will start flowing automatically. If you don't then well, you're not gonna get along anyway so find someone else you can get along with.

I'm myself pretty bad at people skills. Its like in every 10 girls i speak to, its only 1 that i can get along and seem to carry on conversations with. With the other 9, its the case of that 5min talk and then awkward silences. With that 1, its the case of we can never run out of things to speak about.
I think it works like that for pretty much everyone. Except maybe for most people the ratio is not as bad as mine.

Oh and one thing that helps in having a good conversation with someone is to find something common between the two of ye. Like a common interest, or if you've both been to some place, or like a certain band or whatever.
I met this girl at a gig a couple of weeks ago. Now i just went down to the gig with my mates so i didn't know much about the band, wasn't my kind of music either. But i had bought along my camera with me and incidentally she was a photographer too and well, we found our common ground to speak about...!
Though i'll also have to say that sometimes even after finding some common topic to speak about, things wont seem to be going anywhere. Which means they are never gonna go anywhere so you can stop wasting your time there and move onto finding someone more compatible!!

entropi

Op, if you follow the advice from the other guys n girls there it will help IMMENSELY, trust me on this!! Being a good looking guy, but shy like you too i've done some of this myself, unknown too it just happened naturally and it worked out good (i was JUST like you in these situations) all i need to get now is when to make a move on the dancefloor and i'm sorted:P

The touching thing should be taken in stages, light touches on the arm/shoulder during a smiling phase in the convo, if you are standing and talking, move slightly closer and see how she reacts. If she backs off then she aint feeling it yet but if she stays, and some time has passed, place your middle three fingers at the base of her spine (middle of her lower back) and see the reaction as this is a very sensitive spot, if its all good she will react in kind, hopefully soon after with a kiss:D

Good luck with the ladies, i really hope you improve your chances from this thread.

LegacyUser

I am the exact same as the OP. I only seem to get with girls if they come on to me and not all girls will do that. I always get nerve racked approaching a girl. The eye contact is fine but it's down hill from there. Sometimes I do have the courage to approach but I mess it up with nerves.

OP,

I know exactly where you are coming from