Too soon to date again?

LegacyUser

I met this girl who is out of a 3 year relationship about a month. In this last month I have met up with her about 4 times when out with friends and we have hooked up. Now I have known this girl about 2-3 months previous and I really like her but I am afraid to ask her out on a date for fear she may get scared off. Im sure she wouldnt want to jump straight into something so soon after a 3 year relationship and also if she did say yes I dont want to be the rebound guy so its a catch 22. Anybody have any advice on how to play this. Should I just keep it casual and hope that eventually she may ask why I havent asked her out yet or take the plunge and ask her on a date even though she may say no and get scared off?

Otis Driftwood

She is in total rebound territory and in my experience this never works long term.Id say keep it casual and see how things progress.Ask her out if you want to but try to not get too heavily invested emotion wise.

DamoKen

Yep she is more than likely still in the middle of rebound city. 1 month is nowhere near enough to get your head back to focusing on you and what you want to be doing. If you like her best thing to do is give her a chance to sort her own head out at her own pace. Could work out if you do decide to go for it now, equally likely result is that a few months or longer down the road she realises she hasn't had a chance to figure out what she wants and decides to go it alone leaving you a mess.

Thing is especially at the start of a breakup it's hard to resist someone you like who is interested in you, ego boost, filling an empty space etc. Not the best reasons to get into a relationship so just be aware if you do go for it her motivations maybe different from yours, and she may not even be aware of that.

jim o doom

I dunno - I went straight from being in a serious relationship a few days later to my current OH - seven years on and we're getting hitched - but I'm a bloke and not a girl, so the rules/reactions can be very different..

That being said, leave it too long and you could end up in the wonderful "friend zone".

jessbeth

Personally I don't believe much in this rebound theory. If she's bright and intelligent then she will know if she is ready for another relationship or not and this has nothing to do with rebounding. Get in there before some other guy does, let her know your interested. If she needs time then hopefully she will just tell you this.

LegacyUser

Im a woman and I came out of a 10 year relationship and bounced straight back into another one and I am very happy, it all depends who breaks off the relationship and if your happy to get back into another one, ask her out, it may work or it may not, dont ask, you dont get

Wibbs

I agree with others here, rebound is a word thrown around a bit too much. There are too many variables. How long the ex relationship was. How intense it was. How it ended. Was it largely mutual, had it run it's course anyway. How quickly a person can move on etc.

IMHO Probably the easiest way to tell is; are there three people in the relationship? You, the new person and the ex. If that's the case then it's a rebound.

If someone leaves someone and straight off moves on to another, but keeps the ex in the background(either physically or emotionally), then it's damn near a definition of the breed. It tells you that the ex relationship wasn't properly mourned. It can say the person needs someone in their lives for good or ill. It can say the person just likes the in love honeymoon period but can't do the switch to long term commitment. It can say the new relationship is not fulfilling the needs of the person in the middle. baaad plan. Now rebounds can last for years, I even know people who have married theirs. Not good down the line.

So OP, in your case, she didn't leave him for you. Good sign. Yes it's soon enough, but that's not a bad sign as such. Is her ex still in her life to an uncomfortable degree? Does she appear serious about moving on with someone new or is she having some fun as a way to move on(pretty healthy attitude actually)? Thems the questions I woud be seeking answers to.

I agree that it doesn't always have to be a 'rebound'. I know when I finished with my ex, the relationship had been over for a very long time anyway. It was just circumstances that I ended up with someone else almost right away. I'm definitely not the type who 'can't be alone' - I've only had 2 boyfriends in my life, but I don't see the point in letting a great person go because you feel like you 'should' take more time. It's not as black and white as a lot of people seem to think.

Redpunto

Stay in her "field of vision" - build up a friendship and give it a little while and take things as they come.

LegacyUser

OP HERE


I know that she broke up with him but I dont know the reasons and I havent asked to be honest and prob wont, none of my business. Have noticed in the last few days however that she seems a bit keener on me than she had, instigating texts or phone calls etc. much more than I would. Also her ex is from Donegal and living there so he is sort of out of the way and she has never actually mentioned him around me but then again I dont actually know how much contact they still have or how she feels about him/is she over him.

The thing is several people have mentioned recently that they have noticed she is the first girl I have shown any real interest in in the last year or two (im picky). I definitely only have eyes for her at the moment so think I might just try not get too attached just yet and see how it plays out for another few weeks, not pressure her into anything. Sure if I miss the boat so be it, ill sure kick myself but thats life!