Back with the ex

LegacyUser

i went out with this guy for four years until he ended it about a year ago. things had been sliding for a while, i felt taken for granted, he'd say hurtful things to me during rows or to pick fights, and annoyed at his constant partying (i moved in with him and two students which meant about 5hrs sleep a night, resulting in rows between us). in turn, i'd turned cold and was p1ssed off with him a lot, i wasnt sure he was the one anymore and thought a different relationship with less drama and more commitment would make me happier (he'd told me he didnt want kids). i went travelling for eight months, during which time we stayed in contact, and tho we agreed to try once i came home, we were free to see other people. this was a big deal for me, as part of the reason we ended was that he was my first relationship, first sexual partner, and i'd been wondering if i'd be better off having more experience before settling down. while travelling, i hooked up with a few guys as one off's, but felt very unsatisfied and after telling him about them, agreed to stay faithful till i came home. however, just before returning, i met someone else and had a brief fling. he seemed to want everything my ex didnt- commitment, kids, settling down, he was real nice to me...but i knew we didnt click. while travelling, i was constantly up and down about whether i wanted to get back with my ex as his life seemed to be going nowhere and tho i loved him, i was scared of going back and getting hurt. he found out about the affair and tho deeply hurt, we tried to be friends once i came home. he'd stayed faithful while i was away, as he regretted ending it, realised he'd made a lot of mistakes and was sure he wanted me back once i came home.

since coming home (november), tho i started off sure i didnt want a relationship, we started hooking up and spending a lot of time together. im now in a bad way, depressed, hassling him for commitment which obviously he cant give, and demanding he act like he said he would before he found out about the other guy (commit, stop being friends with a girl id been jealous of and later found out she tried to sleep with him, etc). we just seem to row a lot, i have so much anger about the past, and have gone from pushing him away to freaking out at him for telling me he cant get over the other guy and im looking for too much commitment. things have gotten so bad, that a few nights ago i started crying as he did coke, as he'd never done this while going out, he knew i didnt approve (he did it for the first time a few days prior and i told him i was worried and unhappy). he claims im trying to control him and that its none of my business anymore after i cheated on him, he's just trying to have fun and its not his problem im hurt. i wish i mattered enough for him not to take the drug. he knew it made me unhappy, and i thought that would be enough not to take it, but according to him, he doesnt owe me that anymore, he wont stop doing what makes him happy because of me, tho he would have before i had the affair, that he's not doing it to hurt me-thats me being paranoid. i just dont know what to do, whether we can be fixed. will he ever get over the other guy? can we build trust back? i love him a huge amount, and him me, but ive been getting more and more depressed since seeing him again, tho i love most of the time i spend with him. im also concerned i might be depressed.... i dont have many friends, i cant control my anger, i hate that if he does something to hurt me i turn cold on him for days at a time....i dont like who i am, i feel constantly stressed either about finding a job, that im not doing enough with myself and i'm taking it out on him. does anyone have any advice? can you fix a relationship, can you get past an affair? he says he doesnt want a relationship with me he's not ready, should i hold on and try to be more understanding hoping he'll turn around or are we just gonna keep hurting each other and get more bitter?

LegacyUser

id say time to call it quits. If you forgive you have to forget and it doesnt look like he can. Strange that he didnt seem to care about the other lads, only the last one but hey, I wouldnt have even put up with one, then again Im not your boyfriend. It also sounds as if your relationship is getting worse, a clean break is prob for the best.