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Is it over

  • 16-02-2009 8:34pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I met a girl a couple of weeks ago. We really clicked and having been getting on great. We live in different counties and she came to my place over the weekend. We had a fantastic weekend and rarely were not in some sort of touchy feely position. Everything was amazingly comfortable for two people who've only known one another a few weeks.
    Then on Sat nite she was kinda quiet. I asked her what was goin on and she said she was freaking out. She didn't know if she was ready to have someone back in her life just as she had got her life together. The distance was also a worry she had. I asked her to talk about it but she asked I didn't pressure her. Despite this we were all over one another again on sunday and made love several times. Shes gone home now and was unusally quiet today. Her texts when I text her didn't have the same warmth as before.
    Really the question I'm asking is, is this just her way of saying she wants out and is afraid to say it


Comments

  • #2
    MagicMarker
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 32,865 ✭✭✭✭MagicMarker


    Out of what? You'd swear you were together a few years by the way you're going on.

    Chill out a bit, give her some space. Tell her you're willing to take things slow and go from there.

    Don't think so much.


  • #3
    Gyalist
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,537 ✭✭✭Gyalist


    You're overthinking the situation. Has it occured to you that she may have wanted to have sex but not have a relationship?

    Also, buyer's remorse is very common in these situations. Was it the first time that you physically met each other?


  • #4
    *Honey*
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 320 ✭✭*Honey*


    Give her a bit of space and time... she may just need to get her head around something that seems to be happening so quickly. The distance isn't huge (I've done long distance and it's difficult but we were in different countries) and isn't unsurmountable.


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    *Honey* wrote: »
    Give her a bit of space and time... she may just need to get her head around something that seems to be happening so quickly. The distance isn't huge (I've done long distance and it's difficult but we were in different countries) and isn't unsurmountable.

    I normally am pretty cool about relationships, but the feeling here seems much more "right" than ever before. Its affecting my judgement a bit cos the thoughts of letting it slip is freakin me out a bit. Do you think I should back off completely or just keep the contact down


  • #6
    puglover
    Closed Accounts Posts: 442 ✭✭puglover


    Unregistered wrote: »
    I normally am pretty cool about relationships, but the feeling here seems much more "right" than ever before. Its affecting my judgement a bit cos the thoughts of letting it slip is freakin me out a bit. Do you think I should back off completely or just keep the contact down

    I would just back off a bit.. you don't need to be in contact everyday. This is obviously a new relationship so you just need to take it easy & let things happen at a pace that suits both of you.

    PS keep the feeling "right" bit too yourself for a bit, you might be coming on too strong


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  • #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm going out with a guy who lives a few hours away. Before we met, I was like 'right, I'm staying single this year' to get on with work/college and be independent (my ex was a headwreck). But when we met, it was just right. Occasionally, I freak out a little bit (as I find love/commitment a tiny bit scary). Voicing any fears I have actually helps resolve them. My boyfriend just takes it in his stride. He says he'll let me talk it out and communicate and he's right. That's all I need. He doesn't let it affect him. If he wasn't so strong and secure and able to stay calm if I get scared, we wouldn't be going out right now. It could simply be that the girl just needs a bit of reassurance, or for you to listen to her.


  • #8
    dny123456
    Closed Accounts Posts: 431 ✭✭dny123456


    OP, i wouldnt "back off a little". I think u should tell her exactly how u feel. She may be at a crossroads herself. you need to let her know that you are serious and not just fooling around. She, from the sounds of it, is worried about falling for you and being rejected, or it not working out for some reason. You have to try and let her know that wont happened. The distance obviously doesnt help, but it can be done. You've nothing to lose.


  • #9
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    dny123456 wrote: »
    OP, i wouldnt "back off a little". I think u should tell her exactly how u feel. She may be at a crossroads herself. you need to let her know that you are serious and not just fooling around. She, from the sounds of it, is worried about falling for you and being rejected, or it not working out for some reason. You have to try and let her know that wont happened. The distance obviously doesnt help, but it can be done. You've nothing to lose.

    She says shes really worried that its not goin to work and that she'll end up really hurt like she was after her last relationship. I tried to reassure her I'm not the cut and run type but she said I couldn't guarantee her that. I'm not one to walk away nor have I ever cheated in a relationship but I can't think of a way to convince her of that. I think shes equally afraid it will work and what the consequences for the life she built up over the last 3yrs will be. Thanks for all your comments btw. Writing this out is makin it much clearer in my head.


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