How do men feel about weight?

LegacyUser

Hi, I'm sort of inverting another PI thread I've read, but didn't want to hijack that one!!

Just wondering how big a deal a little extra weight on a woman is to a guy? I've basically always struggled with my weight and think/hope I'm making it out to be a bigger deal in my head than it it actually is...

I'm five foot one and weigh about 9 and a half stone. I know it's not hugely overweight and I do work out so would be fit enough, wear about a size 10 or sometimes 12...but I have a petite build so for me this is chubby.

Is this a major turn off to a lot of guys? I do feel like it's holding me back, but it's probably the confidence thing moreso than the actual weight that is the problem...

Wibbs

Turn off? For some men yes, for some men it isn't and for some men it isn't, but they think it should be. The last type would be common I would say. I can think of each one of those types, including a guy who prefers bigger women exclusively.

ibarelycare

You're not overweight at all. You fall into the "healthy" category in the Body Mass Index.

liah

Men are a lot more judgmental and/or superficial than women, as a rule. Obviously this doesn't apply to all men, but it does seem to be the greater majority-- insofar that, you're far more likely to see a really gorgeous girl with a mediocre or even unattractive male than you are a really gorgeous bloke with a mediocre or unattractive female.

Pretty much sucks.

Either way I wouldn't pander to it, personally. Just develop some confidence in yourself. If you're happy enough with who you are, you're going to find someone who's just as happy with who you are, too. Better than dealing with some moronic superficial lad, yeah?

LegacyUser

Consider yourself lucky, i am 5ft 3 and weight only 7 stone, i have no boobs, tiny bum, and my stomach is awful as you can see ribs etc, i live in leggings as i cant get clothes to fit. You sound healthy and attractive so dont worry about your weight, honestly you are luckier than you think you are!

af_thefragile

Well, i like girls who are slim to average.
Overly skinny girls put me off as they look kinda sick.
Fat girls put me off too cuz again they're probably too lazy to work out or don't take good care of their bodies. Which is a big turn off for me.

I like girls who look after themselves and take care of their bodies to keep themselves in shape. It reflects a lot about their personality too. A person who can't look after himself is usually little better at looking after others as well.
The body is the temple, its the vehicle and needs to be kept in perfect shape and working order for all parts to work fine!

Overheal

BMI 25.1, Jesus Wept. Curvy women are adorable and sexy. 90% of sex appeal comes from your attitude anyway. Who likes a sulky 25.1 girl when they can have a fun sassy bubbly 25.1 woman? Rawr I say. Rawr.

shellyboo

Wibbs wrote: »

Turn off? For some men yes, for some men it isn't and for some men it isn't, but they think it should be. The last type would be common I would say. I can think of each one of those types, including a guy who prefers bigger women exclusively.

I'd agree with Wibbs.

I think the majority of men are made up of men who genuinely don't like bigger women and men who in fact don't mind it, but feel like they should. By that I mean they'll sleep with a fat burd but they wouldn't date her. (Cynical? Moi? :pac:)

lordgoat

I like someone that's comfortable with their own body. Be it skinny normal or otherwise.

kevmy

For me personally - can only speak for myself - really thin women don't do very much. Kate Moss, Gwyneth Paltrow, any of those supermodels etc don't look very good in my eyes.

I like curvy women but it's all about proportion for example if a girl has a good set of beasts and a curvy ass then she can probably get away with it more than a girl with small breasts.

For example Kylie has it right but then people like Caroline Morahan and Kate Winslet also have it right.

I would say as a whole most of the celebrity image is too thin and not curvy enough. Once you are not too big or too thin (which most girls fall into) there is sure to be a lot of guys out there who would find you attractive.

Of course this is only body sizes we're talking here, other parts come into physical attractiveness including face, eyes, legs etc. I mean some girls have great figures but faces like the back of a bus and I think most guys would prefer to have a girl with a bit of weight and a pretty face than the other way around.

By the way the biggest turn off for me is seeing girls ribs/bones when they are just standing normally reminds me of concentration camp victims.

Otis Driftwood

Unregistered wrote: »

it's probably the confidence thing moreso than the actual weight that is the problem...

You have it in a nut shell there OP.Its all about confidence.For me there is nearly nothing more unattractive than someone that puts themselves down or feels they have to pander to the image of what Cosmopolitan deems to be attractive.My last GF for example was very similar to how you have described yourself.She wasnt fat,I wouldnt even class her as pudgy/chubby.She was curvy.She was very confident in herself without being arrogant and that is what attracted me to her in the first place.Women are supposed to have curves.Put 2 women in front of me that are exactly the same personality wise and 100% of the time I will go for the one that has some meat on her bones.The vast majority of fellas I know are exactly the same too.

cantdecide

Wibbs wrote: »

Turn off? For some men yes, for some men it isn't and for some men it isn't, but they think it should be. The last type would be common I would say. I can think of each one of those types, including a guy who prefers bigger women exclusively.

Blokes will come along and say that they only like this and can't stand that but generally, most of my male friends will prefer healthy average to ample shapes. These guys won't be as vocal as the guys who dislike the fuller figures.

In my experience, you sound like you shouldn't let your shape get you down- more guys probably like your shape than you think. If you do feel you are bit too large and would like to do something about it, you probably won't have to work that hard to increase your chances with the blokes. You could aim for thinner not just thin

LegacyUser

Oh you are all being very PC here and very polite indeed. I think, although the op in herself sounds like she's not overweight at all the question here is - what about women who are? of course - its extremely obvious that curvy women are well in the realms of acceptable - there is no need for all ye to state that fact as its widely known - curvy women are hot and won't embarrass their men when they are at their side. its the over and above curvy side that we want an answer on. for example, I'm 5'7" and I weigh 13.5 st. I'm well proportioned! I am overweight. I look after myself, have a nice face and dress well, am confident and have a good personality. Would I be an embarassment to men? I'm practically perfect - thats why I'm overweight - nobody can be perfect. lol.

Creamy Goodness

OP here's my opinion on the whole thing.

Men in general will say to you or their friends that they prefer a certain body shape/size/weight, yet you'll sometimes see the very same person out with someone the complete opposite of what they said.
then on the other side of the scale (pun intended) you'll have men who like only skinnier girls.

now i don't know a lot about womens clothes but i wouldn't consider 10/12 to be overweight at all, in fact i'd call in a nice size tbh.

i don't really take a person's weight into consideration - as i'm no spring chicken in that department either - i fall completely for personality everything else after that is an afterthought.

ohh and a for your information - fyi - the BMI is a crock of ****.

if you took the BMI of the any irish rugby player - say peter stringer as he's the smallest - he'd be classified as obese yet he's an absolute beast

cantdecide

liah wrote: »

Men are a lot more judgmental and/or superficial than women, as a rule. Obviously this doesn't apply to all men, but it does seem to be the greater majority-- insofar that, you're far more likely to see a really gorgeous girl with a mediocre or even unattractive male than you are a really gorgeous bloke with a mediocre or unattractive female.

Pretty much sucks.

Either way I wouldn't pander to it, personally. Just develop some confidence in yourself. If you're happy enough with who you are, you're going to find someone who's just as happy with who you are, too. Better than dealing with some moronic superficial lad, yeah?

Generally, this is true. However, don't forget that if a bloke prefers a fuller figure, then huzzah. In other words, a larger lady isn't automatically excluded from the realms of attractiveness even if all those girly magazines never stop carping on about weight loss. They are responsible for an awful lot of the blame IMO.

Kold

Unregistered wrote: »

Consider yourself lucky, i am 5ft 3 and weight only 7 stone, i have no boobs, tiny bum, and my stomach is awful as you can see ribs etc, i live in leggings as i cant get clothes to fit. You sound healthy and attractive so dont worry about your weight, honestly you are luckier than you think you are!

There are men out there that would find that attractive.

boredatwork82

Weight itself is not an issue for me, unless you are obese.
But what I do have a problem is with girls who carry extra weight wearing tight tank tops and have some belly hanging out between the jeans and top, and also wearing ill-fitting clothes, and those horrible cheap t-shirts out of pennys that make even fabulous girls look messy.

What I am trying to say is, If a girl carrying an extra few pounds is aware of this and dresses stylishly & appropriately and accentuates her assets (probably big boobies) weight is not an issue.
And I also know that alot of my friends feel the same way.
So look in the mirror and wear what looks good on you, and not what looks good on some celebrity/other people.

I myself am a big guy... 22 stone and 6'2" but I don't buy regular clothes as they don't suit my frame. I am not a mess as I play rugby 3 times a week, but I am still carrying a bit of extra weight. I go to expensive clothes, and buy stuff that fits me and as oppossed to stuff that looks good hanging on a rack. make sa huge difference.

AARRRGH

Kold wrote: »

There are men out there that would find that attractive.

Pedo?

OP: You are not fat, so don't worry. Do you make the most of your appearance, and make an effort to socialise with the opposite sex?

dlofnep

I'm indifferent. I like a girl with a nice big arse! More cushion for the pushing!

Otis Driftwood

Unregistered wrote: »

Oh you are all being very PC here and very polite indeed. I think, although the op in herself sounds like she's not overweight at all the question here is - what about women who are? of course - its extremely obvious that curvy women are well in the realms of acceptable - there is no need for all ye to state that fact as its widely known - curvy women are hot and won't embarrass their men when they are at their side. its the over and above curvy side that we want an answer on. for example, I'm 5'7" and I weigh 13.5 st. I'm well proportioned! I am overweight. I look after myself, have a nice face and dress well, am confident and have a good personality. Would I be an embarassment to men? I'm practically perfect - thats why I'm overweight - nobody can be perfect. lol.

Maybe its just me but that post makes little or no sense whatsoever.

The OP wasnt asking about women that are very overweight,just about women that are carrying a little bit extra(as she views herself to be)

LegacyUser

Thanks for the input guys.

Yeah, it seems like the confidence is the bigger issue than the actual weight for me, having read through all of these posts.

I do get interest from guys but I've noticed a decline in interest at this weight compared to when I was smaller, which I've clearly let affect my confidence. Plus I'm so short that me minus a stone looks like a different person.

I feel bad complaining about a relatively small amount of weight compared to people who have grave weight problems, but it has such a profound impact on my self-confidence sometimes I just can't believe it.

I'm also less likely to flirt at this weight, which obviously doesn't help matters!

Monkey61

To be honest it would depend entirely on the man in question, as everyone has different tastes. Also it would depend on the woman too because everybody carries weight differently.

When I was of similar BMI to yourself I was a heifer. I don't carry weight well and I absolutely hated my body. I got out of breath quickly, sweated profusely and generally just felt like I was constantly lugging myself around the place - not an attractive look or feeling.

Yes BMI is rubbish in many cases - but for women who aren't athletes and aren't carrying a lot of muscle it can give a reasonable indication of size.

It all depends on you OP. If you feel unhealthy and unhappy at your weight then your confidence will be low and that is unattractive. If you are perfectly healthy and happy then it's fine. If somebody fancies you they are not going to be put off by the fact that you are carrying an extra stone or whatever - considering I'm sure that the majority of men would look at your face as the biggest measure of attractiveness anyway.

Clothes can be very forgiving too. Provided you are dressed in a flattering way that you like - I doubt anybody will even notice your size.

Adelante

Thank you for posting this thread, because it does need to be talked about. I believe that if you are secure in yourself, in your body, seeking outside approval as to what is pleasing to another is wasting your valuable enegry, where you could focus on doing things for you.

A side issue is this idea of;-well do you want an honest upfront opinion or a "massage the ego" confidence boosting love me tactful remark -you look great hon??

Put yourself in his/her shoes, no matter what they say they're scundered. What is the purpose of it, testing them doesn't make you gain an inch or loose an inch for that matter! You and you alone get to decide and choose how you live inside/and with your body.That the point of you having choice in this world its your right no-one else!!! Yes to be frank this is harsh admittedly,I make no bones about that.

Im all for the campaign for real beauty I believe in it 100%- YOU ARE beautiful no matter what they say.BUT what are you saying to yourself really?

Honestly IMHO, we need to open our eyes here, we have all bought into this idea of the size 0 crap, real women have real lives,curves and all and so do men by the way.

So finally I have to ask what, is the purpose of focusing on our body. Is it down to basic nature, in that we look for the perfect mate and are attracted to whats pleasing to the eye, if thats the case, millions of years of evoultion as a species have been for what? I mean whats love got to with right?!!!! Why be in a relationship to begin with.

So where to now, I don't know is my honest answer, "Men are nasty sh'ts cos they are insentive a*rs*holes","he said my bum looked big in this dress" so what happens;- Man is dumped, woman use this as insentive hits gym loose X,lbs looks fab feels ....what?!!

No-one has given me a good enough answer in life neither male or female as this phenomen and yet its a multi billion $ /€ industry that as I said before we have bought into. Who has the control here, who is living ourlives for us.Who is in charge of our destiny.

To say "grow up and catch yourself on" is a waste of time and energy, this is about changin attitudes and habits, its a bad habit that we all have.

So what are we going to do about.
I don't know you OP but I thank you for raising the topic.IMHO, I think you need to feel and think whatever it is, that will make you feel and think good about you right now
I openly apologise to anyone if Ive offended,but this has become my own crusade over the last few yrs and I don't apologise for that.
Peace and love

kevmy

In regards to ^^

I don't think men are the problem. I mean to is obvious that anyone who is obese (be they man or woman) is going to be unattractive to the opposite sex. BUT you see good looking girls in the main being pretty much brainwashed into losing weight when they look and feel perfectly fine.

And the driver of this is in the main women magazines, trash tv and fashion. Which are in the main driven by women talking about other women. Then when normal girls ask guys do I look big most guys respond no, but the women just assume they are lying. Then some women push and push guys who say something non-committal like 'well I suppose losing a couple of pounds would be ok'. The girls then again wrongly take this up to mean 'I think you are fat and ugly'. Fact of the matter is a lot of people could lose a few pounds and it would do them no harm but that doesn't mean they should or feel like they should

beks101

I agree with Kevmy, but ultimately OP you're going to have to decide whether you actually feel bad about your body for yourself, or if it's because there's been a 'decline in interest' from men since you gained a few pounds.

You don't have a blaringly obvious weight problem, you're not a health risk, but if you genuinely find it hard to look in the mirror and be content with what you see, and don't feel comfortable in your own skin, then that's nothing a few diet tweaks and gym visits can't fix.

If, on the other hand, you just want to gain back that attention, you're doomed to low self esteem and insecurity forever. Using other people as a barometer for your own self worth is a recipe for disaster, pun very much intended

LegacyUser

Visible stretch marks are as unattractive as the sight of some chick's ribs. What makes me laugh is women who are quite obviously overweight who go around blaming it on the 'genes'. Its not the 2 litres of soft drink you consume every single day and the block of chocolate or pack of biscuits you consume every night while sitting on your fat ass watching soap operas when you should be at the gym or going for a run/brisk walk. So in short ... FAT chicks are NOT attractive.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Visible stretch marks are as unattractive as the sight of some chick's ribs. What makes me laugh is women who are quite obviously overweight who go around blaming it on the 'genes'. Its not the 2 litres of soft drink you consume every single day and the block of chocolate or pack of biscuits you consume every night while sitting on your fat ass watching soap operas when you should be at the gym or going for a run/brisk walk. So in short ... FAT chicks are NOT attractive.

It is the attitude of judgemental people like you (quoted) who make people carrying extra weight feel more miserable than they need to. There are so many influences that effect weight: depression, medication and money struggles, to name a few. I recently gained 10lbs due to the combination of a medical condition and medication. I have an extremely healthy diet but struggle every day to regulate my weight. As to attractiveness - you should remember that your opinion is your opinion and not fact. Emphasising with capital letters will not make it fact.
OP - I was interested to read your post because I also feel that people see me differently since I have gained weight bigger. My advice is do whatever makes you feel better in yourself; whether that is excercise, healthy eating, grooming, pampering; but do it for yourself. The most important thing is for you to feel good.

LegacyUser

Hey OP, I wonder the exact same thing. I'm 5" 6 and my weight tends to be between 91/2 and 10 st.(at the moment it's closer to 10!).I'm relatively fit, try to excercise as much as possible and eat as heathily as possible, but I still always feel that I'm chubbier than I want to be, that I should lose at least a stone.It really makes me hate myself some days, it's not a nice feeling.I would be confident enough in myself as a person to know that it doesn't really matter but some days, I just can't help but go around comparing myself to other girls and thinking how much thinner and better dressed they are!It's not a nice feeling if it makes you feel uncomfortable about yourself, regardless of how much attention you're getting.As for BMI, I know so many people who've been classified as obese by their BMI, and who are size 10 that it just makes me completely sceptical of it as a measurement of anything.