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No self respect

  • 16-02-2009 2:01pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I don't know what to do. I'm in an abusive relationship and i can't stop going back to him. I don't know whats wrong with me i wish i could leave him but i can't, it's been going on for so long.
    there is no one i can talk to it about. None of my friends understand or know what it's like, so i just don't bother explainging.
    how do i get some self respect and get up and say ''NO'' and just leave. and never look back. i feel like im slowing killing myself drainging myself of all my enegery for this man, and i need to get out.
    please help me.


Comments

  • #2
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    Have you tried contacting a refuge for women that have been in a similar situation?Im not saying move into one of them but maybe meet one of the ladies/counsellors there for a coffee and a chat.Often times talking things out with people that have been where you are can help.Obviuosly being a bloke I will never fully understand how you are feeling so thats the best I can offer.
    What I can say is that nobody has the right to hurt you in any way,shape or form and you must not tolerate for 1 minute longer.Take care and I hope things work out for you.


  • #3
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    Hello OP.

    Why do you keep going back to him?
    Why cant you leave him?

    What stops you from getting out of the situation?
    What would you say to your friends if you thought theyd understand?

    Cmon - get it off your chest here, the more you express it the better you'll feel plus you'll get better advice with more info.

    There is a great book called Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood that is worth a read by any woman in your situation.


  • #4
    Katgurl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,145 ✭✭✭Katgurl


    ok first of all calm down, you're not the first & you're not the last woman in this situation. I have been there myself and believe me, just becuse you've gone back repeatedly in the past doesn't mean you will continue to do this forever. So forget about what's gone on before and just start from here.

    How long are you with him?
    How is he abusing you?
    When did the abuse start?
    What is your first memory of it?
    Have you told anyone?

    One step at a time. I promise you can get through this.


  • #5
    Karen_*
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,610 ✭✭✭Karen_*


    OP I found that getting self respect was a decision I made. I had none and then I decided to get some and to create good boundaries and the first boundary was to not accept bad treatment from anyone. So someone who consistantly treated me badly had to go. It took me a while to get there though and I went to the depths of despair first.

    Weigh things up. Your totally miserable now so what's the worst thing that can happen if you get away from him? The worst than can happen is you'll feel exactly as you do now. The good thing about that is that you'll start to feel better. Make a few ground rules for your life and start putting them into practise. Just decide that you respect yourself and the rest will follow. Only you can change this. Don't wait until he gets tired abusing you.


  • #6
    AARRRGH
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    You need therapy. Do this sooner rather than later so you can try to break the cycle. Most people do nothing and end up in abusive relationships for the rest of their lives.

    http://www.iahip.com/


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  • #7
    girl2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 654 ✭✭✭girl2


    Hello

    Firstly, and most importantly, you have recognised that what is going on in your relationship is wrong. There are a lot of women out there who dont even do that.

    Leaving a relationship where there is abuse of any sort is difficult because of the power and control held by the abuser.

    Do you live together? Are you married? Do you have children to worry about? (I get the feeling from your post that the answer to all of these questions is no).

    You recognise that you need to get away from him, and in all honesty, this usually takes a long time in relationships like the one youre in. You havent mentioned in detail what is going on.

    I would recommend that you read as much as you can, it would probably be a good idea for you to go to a class that will educate you in the area of domestic violence as you clearly need education around this.

    Please remember that it does get worse, abuse and violence usually escalate. If you are in a position to let now with no strings, this would be a good starting point, dont wait until the next incident.


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