Post Valentines Blues

LegacyUser

Going unreg for this as I feel a bit pathetic but I'm just so sick of being single. I got through Valentines weekend pretty much ok but the depression has now kicked in!!

I just don't know where I am going wrong...I'm young, friendly, intelligent & fairly attractive I would think. I do get chatted up by lots of guys when I'm out & guys talk to me when I'm in the gym or wherever but it never seems to go anywhere. I am a little shy in comparison to my friends I suppose, but not overly so and I do make an effort to talk to people too.

I know most of the time the advice would be to get a hobby join a group or whatever but I really don't have the time to fit anything else in. I have a high pressure job & I'm on the road alot, I'm also studying for a masters 2 evenings a week & I try to get to the gym on a couple of days. At weekends I spend time with my friends, some are in couples and we would go to cinema or call to each others houses. Most weekends I go out on the town with my single friends (all very attractive girls I might add so can't understand why they are single either).

So what do I do, where do I find a nice guy???

tbh

Sad Singleton wrote: »

I just don't know where I am going wrong...

I do you're not being patient enough. You've loads going on in your life at the moment, you probably wouldn't be able to give enough time to a relationship anyway. But don't worry, just keep doing what you are doing and it'll happen. Are you in your early 20's by any chance?

LegacyUser

tbh wrote: »

I do you're not being patient enough. You've loads going on in your life at the moment, you probably wouldn't be able to give enough time to a relationship anyway. But don't worry, just keep doing what you are doing and it'll happen. Are you in your early 20's by any chance?

OP here... Late twenties... 26 to be exact, not ancient I know but would like my life to be going in a direction that it isn't at the moment

Otis Driftwood

Stupid valentines day.You are still pretty young OP and it just takes time to meet someone decent.I went through about 7 years of singledom(by choice) and I enjoyed every minute of it.Im coming up on 30 now and am single again but TBH its the last thing on my mind.There are so many things that take precedent (like trying to find a job for example) and relationships just muddy the waters with so much uncertainty around.If you keep thinking about it and getting more and more stressed then the danger is,when you do meet a nice fella you will come on far too strong and scare him off.Plus you have a pretty hectic schedule as it is,do you think you will have time for a meaningful relationship at the moment?.My thinking on it would be finish your masters first,at least then you have 2 evenings for getting out and about and dont have the worry of dissertations,assignments etc.The single life isnt that bad you know!Good luck to you anyway,Im a firm believer in karma and as far as Im concerned good things happen to good people eventually so try and not get too het up about it.Good luck with the masters too!

CDfm

Maybe you are hanging on for Mr Perfect rather than MR Right.

Many guys post that Irish girls can be standoffish.

But maybe you need to broaden your social group to go places to meet the type of guy you like. I mean looking in the same place hasnt worked so far.

Have you tried college gettogethers etc or joined the Junior Chamber of Commerce or places like that. When is the last time you asked a guy you like for lunch or a drink.

username123

OP - I know this sounds like a big cliche but its the vibes youre giving out. When someone wants to not be single they give out vibes that they are not happy with themselves. Its nothing conscious - just one of those weird subconscious things that people pick up on.
If you get happy with yourself in your single status you will give out different vibes.
People tend to be attracted to people who are giving off happy self condfident vibes - you may think you are giving off those vibes but from what you are saying it DOES bother you being single and thats also getting given off.
You are less likely to meet someone while giving off the 'not happy with myself' vibes because people are picking up on it and no one wants to get into a relationship where there is pressure that a relationship is what makes the other person happy.

Clearly you attract men on a superficial basis - they chat to you at the gym or out - but until you love yourself they wont want to be going past initial conversations because they sense your desperation (i hate to use the word desperation but it fits here) to be in a relationship.

No offence - but there is no reason to be more depressed after Valentines weekend than any other weekend - so you must feel pretty strongly about it to be sucumbing to the blues - hence you must be giving out the bad vibes.

cantdecide

Girls like you are in short supply- rest assured you're not nuts. You'll just have to try something else. Get out of your comfort zone but do bear in mind that as already posted maybe you haven't found someone because you don't have the necessary time.

Nevyn

Ok if suddenly someone turned up who wanted to spend time with you,
how would you fit them in your life ?

Realstically how much time in your life do you have for a relationship ?

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

Maybe you are hanging on for Mr Perfect rather than MR Right.

Many guys post that Irish girls can be standoffish.

But maybe you need to broaden your social group to go places to meet the type of guy you like. I mean looking in the same place hasnt worked so far.

Have you tried college gettogethers etc or joined the Junior Chamber of Commerce or places like that. When is the last time you asked a guy you like for lunch or a drink.

I wouldn't have the time or the inclination to join a Junior Chamber of Commerce but thats another story. I do go on college get togethers, I've a fairly good social life and have a very wide circle of friends outside of my close ones.

I'm certainly not stand offish but a wouldn't have the confidence to ask a man out. A male friend of mine has told me that he is intimidated by all of the single girls in my group of friends.... I'd hate that to be the case

LegacyUser

username123 wrote: »

Clearly you attract men on a superficial basis - they chat to you at the gym or out - but until you love yourself they wont want to be going past initial conversations because they sense your desperation (i hate to use the word desperation but it fits here) to be in a relationship.

No offence - but there is no reason to be more depressed after Valentines weekend than any other weekend - so you must feel pretty strongly about it to be sucumbing to the blues - hence you must be giving out the bad vibes.

Ok you've got it totally wrong here. I am very happy with myself normally. Have succumbed to the blues after coming into one of my clients companies & being asked by about 15 different people if I'd gotten any surprises for Valentines.

One day feeling sorry for myself does not equal desperation!!

LegacyUser

Have you asked any guys out or are you generally waiting to be asked out?

cantdecide

Unregistered wrote: »

Ok you've got it totally wrong here. I am very happy with myself normally. Have succumbed to the blues after coming into one of my clients companies & being asked by about 15 different people if I'd gotten any surprises for Valentines.

One day feeling sorry for myself does not equal desperation!!

You need to start worrying when people stop asking.

You're simply having bad luck but you can legislate for that. It's very unusual to have find an attractive AND shy girl. I love shy girls but they're so much more difficult to read (and I regard myself as being a good body reader).

As this type of girl, guys WILL assume you're spoken for. I would. Be more open and reciprocal with your body language when you meet someone you like and they will form an orderly queue!!

Overheal

I never beleive anyone who says they cant fit fun/hobbies into their schedule. Its not something you have to do 3 times a week, but once in a while, you gotta go do something you love doing. Even if its painting little plastic things and pitting them in table battles by rolling dice (guilty) theres ways to do anything socially, if you willing. And even in the nerdiest depths of hell there will at some point be members of the oppossite sex to relate with.

In the meantime though let it go, its just V-day. If thats all that has you bothered, then youre probably happy being single the rest of the time? You're 26, and even if you're 62, whats the rush? There's lots of living to be done. Meantime, you're close to a Masters. and Juggling work. If you can't fit in a hobby how are you ever going to fit in a relationship I wonder :rolleyes:

Let me say that again: If you can't make time for a hobby, you can't make time for a relationship. Just the facts.

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

I do go on college get togethers, I've a fairly good social life and have a very wide circle of friends outside of my close ones.

I'm certainly not stand offish but a wouldn't have the confidence to ask a man out. A male friend of mine has told me that he is intimidated by all of the single girls in my group of friends.... I'd hate that to be the case

That may not mean that you are intimidating.

If he is a friend have you asked him if he has single friends you might like?

LegacyUser

cantdecide wrote: »

You need to start worrying when people stop asking.

You're simply having bad luck but you can legislate for that. It's very unusual to have find an attractive AND shy girl. I love shy girls but they're so much more difficult to read (and I regard myself as being a good body reader).

As this type of girl, guys WILL assume you're spoken for. I would. Be more open and reciprocal with your body language when you meet someone you like and they will form an orderly queue!!

I hadn't looked at it that way, some fair points though. WIll have to start thinking more about my body language...

LegacyUser

Overheal wrote: »

I never beleive anyone who says they cant fit fun/hobbies into their schedule. Its not something you have to do 3 times a week, but once in a while, you gotta go do something you love doing. Even if its painting little plastic things and pitting them in table battles by rolling dice (guilty) theres ways to do anything socially, if you willing. And even in the nerdiest depths of hell there will at some point be members of the oppossite sex to relate with.

In the meantime though let it go, its just V-day. If thats all that has you bothered, then youre probably happy being single the rest of the time? You're 26, and even if you're 62, whats the rush? There's lots of living to be done. Meantime, you're close to a Masters. and Juggling work. If you can't fit in a hobby how are you ever going to fit in a relationship I wonder :rolleyes:

Let me say that again: If you can't make time for a hobby, you can't make time for a relationship. Just the facts.

I have hobbies, I go to the gym. I take my dogs for walks to the beach. I swim/surf in the Spring/Summer. I just don't have the time to take up anymore hobbies...

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

That may not mean that you are intimidating.

If he is a friend have you asked him if he has single friends you might like?

We would be part of a group of of friends and I would be friendly with or at elast know all of his friends too...

username123

Unregistered wrote: »

Ok you've got it totally wrong here. I am very happy with myself normally. Have succumbed to the blues after coming into one of my clients companies & being asked by about 15 different people if I'd gotten any surprises for Valentines.

One day feeling sorry for myself does not equal desperation!!

Sorry OP - I was posting based on your first post where you stated that you are 'so sick of being single' and being depressed after Valentines weekend - it seemed bigger than just one day feeling sorry for yourself.

If you are normally happy with yourself then why are you worrying about being single at all? Your first post would indicate that its deeper than just one day of the blues.

Again it comes down to the vibes you give off - another poster mentioned opening up your body language - definitely. Perhaps your vibes say 'im not interested'?

Overheal

Unregistered wrote: »

I have hobbies, I go to the gym. I take my dogs for walks to the beach. I swim/surf in the Spring/Summer. I just don't have the time to take up anymore hobbies...

Perfect! That'll do. After that its all about living a while and having patience. Or so I'm lead to believe Surely it wont take forever to fall in love with some surfer lad and his boogey-boarding labrador. Perfectly normal to feel glum when youre single during February.

skywalker

Im a guy & I can identify with a lot of whats in the OP. Ive a feeling theres a lot more out there too who would never admit it. I dont buy into the theory that you give off "desperate single vibes" either.

Personally due to circumstance Im just not putting myself into enough situations where Im liable to meet someone. I really dislike trying to meet people in pubs/clubs too. Seems so fake.

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for the replies everyone. I'm over my couple of hours of self-pitying...

username123

skywalker wrote: »

Im a guy & I can identify with a lot of whats in the OP. Ive a feeling theres a lot more out there too who would never admit it. I dont buy into the theory that you give off "desperate single vibes" either.

Just to clarify - the 'desperate single vibes' tend to get given off by people who actively go out and seek a boyfriend or girlfriend, week after week and get nowhere - they question why? Usually its cos the vibes are bad.

If youre not putting yourself out there you cant expect to meet people. But pubs/clubs are crap for meeting real people - there are many other ways to put yourself out there that are much more satisfying.
And by put yourself out there I simply mean social network in different ways - because thats how people hook up.

cantdecide

skywalker wrote: »

I dont buy into the theory that you give off "desperate single vibes" either....Im just not putting myself into enough situations where Im liable to meet someone. I really dislike trying to meet people in pubs/clubs

Really, there really can be a desperation vibe. It can be hard to avoid...

As a non-drinker, I can assure you you're not alone. There are alternative ways but they do require effort. It's a numbers game.

Caliden

Dont go out with the mindset of finding a boyfriend.
Go out hoping to meet someone that you will meet up with the following day for a coffee or a movie, then see where it goes from there.

cantdecide

...oh and if you do find someone you like- why not ask them out yourself?? Make it a goal. I've been approached by a girl precious few times but I find it really attractive. It shows confidence.

Confidence and shyness can actually exist at the same time. You can show your confidence without having to disguise or dismiss your shyness.