I just don't find her attractive

LegacyUser

Ive been kinda seeing a girl the last few months, probably one of the soundest girls ive ever come across. Really funny, sound and we get on so great.

Now we've only gone on a few dates and havent slept together or anything. There seems to be a chemistry between us...like im totally drawn to her, but the thing is i just dont find her attractive. I know it probably sounds a little shallow or whatever, but she just doenst do it for me in the looks department. But theres no way i want to lose her out of my life and im still going to go on dates with her etc and see how things go.

But if i dont fidn a girl physically attractive, is there much hope?

Otis Driftwood

Probably not and continuing to go on dates with her is a bit cruel if you have no intention of it ever progressing.Just tell her you would rather be mates.

TheZohanS

Take your time before making any decisions.

You'll learn that even the most attractive people can become unattractive if they have a crap personality

and

that people you are mildly attracted can become the most beautiful people you will ever cast your eyes upon if they have a great personality and you take the time to get to know them properly.

LegacyUser

Can a mod change the title...i put in the title box the image verification!

Ye im crazy about her. I showed some friends a picture and they said "wow you can do so much better". My last few girlfreinds have all been good looking girls and i dont know maybe its set the standard. But shes way soundner than any other girls so it hasnt bothered me as much.

but deep down i know physically im not really attracted to her...but as i said there is defo some sort of chemsitry between us and i want to see how it develops...

RacoonQueen

Sometimes you can become more physically attracted to people the more you get to know them. Give it a bit more time.

Victor

I think give it time. If you want, you can just stay friends.

Unregistered wrote: »

Can a mod change the title...i put in the title box the image verification!

Sorted. I was wondering for a moment.

LegacyUser

Been there a few times and it's never worked out. Didn't make as much effort as I would with someone I really fancied and by default usually made them lose interest. And if my friends made any sort of negative comments that would make me lose interest more. Not saying you shouldn't stick with it but if you don't think it's going anywhere you are being really unfair to her and should let her go find someone who will love her for who she is.

Craft25

Unregistered wrote: »

Can a mod change the title...i put in the title box the image verification!

Ye im crazy about her. I showed some friends a picture and they said "wow you can do so much better". My last few girlfreinds have all been good looking girls and i dont know maybe its set the standard. But shes way soundner than any other girls so it hasnt bothered me as much.

but deep down i know physically im not really attracted to her...but as i said there is defo some sort of chemsitry between us and i want to see how it develops...

do not, i repeat do not let a girl go because of what the lads think looks wise.. i'm loath to call any of my past choices regrets... stupidly letting a great girl go in younger stupider days due to letting 'the lads' influence me is one of the only ones

If you truly cant find yourself attracted to her yourself that's different altogether.. but are you sure you're ready to give up on it at this early stage??

LegacyUser

Op, I'm confused.

Unregistered wrote: »

... There seems to be a chemistry between us...like im totally drawn to her, but the thing is i just dont find her attractive.....

So the chemistry is there, but it is non-sexual? In what way are you drawn to her? Is it any different to the way you might feel about a male friend or a platonic female friend? Is she a different "type" physically, ie, taller, shorter, etc, to what you are usually attracted to?

Unregistered wrote: »

...
Ye im crazy about her. I showed some friends a picture and they said "wow you can do so much better". ..

You are "crazy about her", but you show her picture to your friends? Did you want them to reinforce what you already felt?

I wonder if you are actually attracted to her: you've said "the chemistry is there", "I'm drawn to her" and "I'm crazy about her". That's not the way people usually speak of people with whom they just want to be friends. I'd wait before breaking it off with her. Would you describe your time together as actual "dates"? Do you think she sees you as a potential partner? If you've just been friendly so far with each other, you might have the luxury of time to see where this takes you.

Good luck.

Bottle_of_Smoke

I'd say end it. You'll probably have a great time with her, lots of fun, but sooner or later the initial buzz of a great connection will wear off, the despair of being with someone you don't fancy will kick in and you'll start looking at hot girls you do find attractive.

It's the nice thing to do in the long run. If she had a personality you liked enough to override her looks you wouldn't have started this thread. Be her mate, but don't put her through a sham relationship

acid.rain

if there's chemistry, then there's hope. if not, why bother? why postpone the inevitable? save yourself trouble and heartache and don't pursue her

Monkey61

I'd say give it some time because you never know. The least likely person can often be the one that one day makes your heart skip a beat. If you have such an amazing connection who's to say what will grow out of it.

I never in a million years would have thought that I'd fall in love with my last girlfriend. Yet after a few months with her I woke up one day and suddenly realised that I thought she was hotter than anyone else in the entire world.

Personality and a great connection can go a long way if you are willing to give it time and see what happens. Obviously though if you feel entirely repulsed by the idea of kissing her - then the above mentioned advice probably won't work, but if you just aren't sure then give it time. It could grow into the most amazing relationship of your life or maybe just one of the deepest friendships - either way is a win.

jellie

did you have any doubts before your friends comments?

Overheal

Shallow Hal? There was a message there man. Im saying, dont listen to anyone who says you can do better just by looking at her photo, which is nothing to say of the person or their personality or character.

Karen_*

Your say your friends say you can do alot better but can you really? Are you going to find as wonderful a person as her or just someone better looking? Forget what your mates think. Its a bit childish to bring their opinion into the post. OP be a man, get over yourself and sod what anyone else thinks. If you're ccrazy about the girl then don't spoil it with your ego.

Wibbs

I'm of the opinion that attraction is either there or it's not and sometimes there's no obvious reason for it. Yes it can grow, but, there has to be a seed there. Maybe you have that, maybe you don't. The other angle I take, is that the things that worry you at the start of a relationship will come back to haunt you down the line, damn near every time. Now when they come back hopefully if everything else is good, then you can work through them or push them to one side against the totality of the relationship. Or you split up.

IME in the majority of cases what splits people up or what they regularly fight over was there as a back story at the start. You can't ignore these issues. Usually these issues are outside of pure animal attraction. Personality stuff, or external practical issues. Lets say two people are mad about each other but live miles apart. That'll concern both at the start, but they'll ignore it in favour of the initial buzz of attraction, but it will come back to bite them on the bum if they don't deal with it. Shared history, love, attraction and working on it is how they should deal with it.

Now you're issue is about the biggest of all. Regardless of the reason or your mates or anything else. Yes peer approval is a part of it, but if you were actually attracted to her in a non wishy washy way it would not be a big pat of it. Relationships are hard at the best of time. People make them harder by making the wrong choices or ignoring the issues that could lead to wrong choices. I think IMHO anyway that you're in this category.

If you have to second guess your basic physical attraction to this woman, then frankly you're on a hiding to nothing and are wasting your time. And hers.