Best friends missus...

LegacyUser

Right, so here's the story:

For the last few weeks when out hanging about, when I talked to my best friend's girlfriend, I've noticed her to be more flirty than usual. In the last fortnight, it's moved on to her touching me constantly throughout the night and hugging me (I would never have hugged the girl before, we aren't that close).

Now, I'm not attracted to the girl, and sure as hell wouldn't touch my best mat's girl. I'm rather uncomfortable with the situation, and have told her to stop, quite forcibly tonight of all nights.

So what do I do? Do I tell him? I mean, she's not messing around. I don't drink, thus I won't do anything stupid, but all the same I'd rather not be in the situation.

If I knew that my ex was being anything more than slightly flirtatious with other guys a few months before she ditched me, she'd have been out on her ear. But the relationships are different, (eg their's is much more long term).

Confused, much?

Auldloon

Could be loads of reasons why she is doing this. Maybe she knows you would never act on it so she conciders you to be safe. Maybe she is not getting the attention from her partner and is trying to see can she get a jealous reaction out of him or to reassure herself of her own attractiveness.
You should tell her clearly that you dont like the way she is carrying on and if it doesnt stop immediately you will bring it out in the open.

MagicMarker

What did she say when you told her to stop?

Sammag

Chuileog wrote: »

Could be loads of reasons why she is doing this. Maybe she knows you would never act on it so she conciders you to be safe. Maybe she is not getting the attention from her partner and is trying to see can she get a jealous reaction out of him or to reassure herself of her own attractiveness.
You should tell her clearly that you dont like the way she is carrying on and if it doesnt stop immediately you will bring it out in the open.

What she/he said above. I agree, possibly their relationship isn't going as well as all might seem and she is frustrated/pissed off/fed up/confused and needs to feel wanted - who knows?!. Either way - as Chuileog says, you need to nip this in the bud pronto and tell her it's not happening.

Monkey61

Some people are just very touchy feely when they are out and drinking and even if it verges on flirtiness it would just be the way they are - not because they are intentionally trying to come on to someone! Flirting is perfectly healthy within a relationship and it does not mean that somebody wants anything to happen between you!

Is it possible that she has just started this recently because she now feels she knows you well enough to be relaxed around you?

I doubt that she has suddenly out of nowhere started to fancy you. Could you be mistaking friendliness as flirting quite simply because you don't find her attractive so it jars slightly and makes you uncomfortable?

Of course none of the above could apply, in which case you just need to tell her, when she is sober and perhaps in front of other people - "Look I know you are really friendly when everyone is out, but It makes me really uncomfortable when people touch me, so I'd just prefer it is you didn't."

TheZohanS

Is there any chance that she is dabbling with ecstasy?

That can cause some people to become very touchy feely.

SarahSassy

This is where men get it wrong time after time after time... The chances are she doesnt fancy you but she is getting to know you well, trusts you not to bend the boundries of her relationship by coming on to her and is relaxed in your company so she is treating you the way she would a female friend...

Do nothing, think nothing and forget about it. She is relaxed in your company but you think she wants to jump your bones.

Otis Driftwood

Have to disagree with ya there Sarah.I am very close with a couple of friends long term partners but would find it very uncomfortable if they suddenly got very touchy feely,constantly hugging me on nights out etc.Now it is possible that she is just getting to know him and thats the reason but OP,in what context does this occur?Is your mate around when this is happening?If he is usually there then I wouldnt read too much into it however if its happening when you are alone with her then I would be a little bit wary.I agree with Chuileog that she may be feeling starved of affection and sees you as the safe option cos you are obviuosly a decent bloke and wouldnt try and take advantage.

SarahSassy

It is unusual that its only happened of late but I would put that down to him not noticing before...

There are plenty of threads here:

girl friendly = wants to get into my jocks...

Not so gents. Girls tend to be touchy feely when they are relaxed with you, same as they are with their female friends.

For me, this scenario leads me to believe she sees him as such a friend that she doesnt notice if he is a male or female friend.

LegacyUser

she prob has the fantasy that you may fancy her and would love the attention. She probably thinks she is teasing you / Just ignore her for a bit and if ya have to talk to her say something like "oh that girl over there is gorgeous" make her know you are NOT into her...

tallaghtoutlaws

SarahSassy wrote: »

It is unusual that its only happened of late but I would put that down to him not noticing before...

There are plenty of threads here:

girl friendly = wants to get into my jocks...

Not so gents. Girls tend to be touchy feely when they are relaxed with you, same as they are with their female friends.

For me, this scenario leads me to believe she sees him as such a friend that she doesnt notice if he is a male or female friend.

As a man I 100% agree with SarahSassy. I have female friends who the more they got to know me became more touchy feely, And if you put it in to your head as guy she wants you. You will start threads like these. In my experience girls do said things are comfortable with you as a friend now and dont see the harm in it nor should you. Relax and dont over react op.

Example one of my best friends she hugs me and kisses me on the cheek all the time in front of her fella and when we go drinking alot more than normal. We are friends nothing more she knows this, I know this and her BF knows this and all is good.

LegacyUser

SarahSassy wrote: »

It is unusual that its only happened of late but I would put that down to him not noticing before...

There are plenty of threads here:

girl friendly = wants to get into my jocks...

Not so gents. Girls tend to be touchy feely when they are relaxed with you, same as they are with their female friends.

For me, this scenario leads me to believe she sees him as such a friend that she doesnt notice if he is a male or female friend.

But we are not your female friends!! I would find that insulting "oh i'm just being touchy feely with you because i see completely outside the bounds of a possible relationship. In fact so much so that i only consider you one of the girls.

i'm sure that comment will get pilloried which is why i've gone unregistered. I'm sure loads of other guys will be fine with it, but if you were a friend of mine i would say to you; "don't touch me, and dont treat me like one of the girls, i am not."

How would you like it if i gave you dead arms, or got you in a headlock and ruffled your hair. (admittedly juvenile male bonding behaviour, but exclusively male all the same!) I would be completely desexualising you, i might as well walk up to you and say something like, "you are not a real woman really are ya, not really"

SarahSassy

Its outside the bounds of a possible relationhip cos she is already in relationship with his friend. Whats wrong with not being treated as a sexual person all the time (male / female) by your friends. I hope my male friends dont care if I am male or female and just want to be friends anyway.

You sound P'd off that your female friends are probably not interested in you sexually? Are you young?

Who said it was right or wrong for that matter? Its down to the individual...

Bottom line is he think she is coming on to him and, from a girls perspective, I think he is just over reacting.

No need to embarrass the girl but just tell her out staight it makes you uncomfortable as I would if a guy (or another girl) did the same to me.

For girls, touching is not always sexual.

SS

PS you went unregistered to say that????

endasmail

being honest mate ,it sounds to me like trouble ,stay away from her for a while had similiar situation ,she comes near ya again be out straight and tell her to touch on ,
not worth losing a mate over her ,trust me !

puglover

Seriously like, the girl is just being friendly... men can be so melodramatic

TheZohanS

puglover wrote: »

Seriously like, the girl is just being friendly... men can be so melodramatic

Yes but if a guy behaved like this to a girl he would be called sleazy etc.

OP best to tell her her behaviour is inappropriate.

SarahSassy

TheZohan wrote: »

Yes but if a guy behaved like this to a girl he would be called sleazy etc.

True but generally cos a guy would only act like that if he was looking for something - the same is not true of women.

TheZohanS

SarahSassy wrote: »

True but generally cos a guy would only act like that if he was looking for something - the same is not true of women.

That's a very sexist and unfair and untrue comment to make.

Piste

I'd say it's either one of two things:

She's gotten more comfortable with you and wants to show her boyfriend she gets on well with his friends.

Or his boyfriend acts very touchy feely with her female friends so shes giving him a taste of his own medicine.

SarahSassy

TheZohan wrote: »

That's a very sexist and unfair and untrue comment to make.

Its not sexist... Its the basis of all the confusion here. She is treating him in what is a platonic (to women) manner but the men here seem to percieve it as a sexual come on.

SS

PS I did use the word generally.

TheZohanS

SarahSassy wrote: »

Its not sexist... Its the basis of all the confusion here. She is treating him in what is a platonic (to women) manner but the men here seem to percieve it as a sexual come on.

SS

PS I did use the word generally.

sexist

1. Unfairly discriminatory against one sex in favour of the other.

OP steer well clear of that girl.

Otis Driftwood

There is being friendly and there is being OTT.Obviously its making the OP uncomfortable so to my mind its beyond the stage of being friendly.If she was my G/F and suddenly started randomly touching and hugging a good friend I would be a little concerned TBH.There are lines and personally speaking she is crossing em.

CDfm

I suppose a girl whose going out with a mate being flirty is coming on.

In another thread it quoted stats that 34% of men cheat and 40% of women do.

So the probabiliy is 4 out of 10 that she is coming on to you.:eek:

LegacyUser

OP here.

When he's around it's largely harmless, but the difference in her actions between when he's around and when he's not is what's freaking me out.

He's, shall we say, "not much of a dancer". Last night, in order to break up an argument before it began I told her that I'd dance with her. After 10-15 minutes there a slow song comes on, which is my cue to depart. She grabbed me, started slowdancing, and after a few minutes had her hands on my arse. I told her that we'd talked about that, chuckled, and walked her off the floor.

Later on, when he'd gone to the jacks, she was talking to me on the couch in the club. Her hand, without me noticing, had come to rest on my nether-regions. As soon as I copped it, I pushed her off(quite forcibly), which resulted in her spilling her drink on herself.

I'm willing to try calling her bluff, but I don't think she's bluffing.

LolaLuv

She sounds like a bit of a slapper, tbh. I disagree with those saying it's normal enough for a woman. I don't touch my female friends like that and I certainly wouldn't touch a dude like that unless I were hoping for a little somethin'. Sounds like she's trying to make her BF jealous.

SarahSassy

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here.

When he's around it's largely harmless, but the difference in her actions between when he's around and when he's not is what's freaking me out.

He's, shall we say, "not much of a dancer". Last night, in order to break up an argument before it began I told her that I'd dance with her. After 10-15 minutes there a slow song comes on, which is my cue to depart. She grabbed me, started slowdancing, and after a few minutes had her hands on my arse. I told her that we'd talked about that, chuckled, and walked her off the floor.

Later on, when he'd gone to the jacks, she was talking to me on the couch in the club. Her hand, without me noticing, had come to rest on my nether-regions. As soon as I copped it, I pushed her off(quite forcibly), which resulted in her spilling her drink on herself.

I'm willing to try calling her bluff, but I don't think she's bluffing.

Ah now thats entirely different from the way you portrayed it at the start... She is not happy eith yer man (stating the obvious) but how is he going to react when you tell him that his GF is coming on to you.

Otis Driftwood

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here.

When he's around it's largely harmless, but the difference in her actions between when he's around and when he's not is what's freaking me out.

He's, shall we say, "not much of a dancer". Last night, in order to break up an argument before it began I told her that I'd dance with her. After 10-15 minutes there a slow song comes on, which is my cue to depart. She grabbed me, started slowdancing, and after a few minutes had her hands on my arse. I told her that we'd talked about that, chuckled, and walked her off the floor.

Later on, when he'd gone to the jacks, she was talking to me on the couch in the club. Her hand, without me noticing, had come to rest on my nether-regions. As soon as I copped it, I pushed her off(quite forcibly), which resulted in her spilling her drink on herself.

I'm willing to try calling her bluff, but I don't think she's bluffing.

Well then next time you have the opportunity and she is sober(not saying she was pissed cos you didnt specify)and in the cold hard light of day tell her in no uncertain terms to stop doing it,you are getting annoyed and if she continues you will tell your friend.As for calling her bluff thats dodgy territory mate.Say you encourage her,whats to stop her telling your friend you came on to her.I would avoid this tactic like the plague.

LolaLuv

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here.

When he's around it's largely harmless, but the difference in her actions between when he's around and when he's not is what's freaking me out.

He's, shall we say, "not much of a dancer". Last night, in order to break up an argument before it began I told her that I'd dance with her. After 10-15 minutes there a slow song comes on, which is my cue to depart. She grabbed me, started slowdancing, and after a few minutes had her hands on my arse. I told her that we'd talked about that, chuckled, and walked her off the floor.

Later on, when he'd gone to the jacks, she was talking to me on the couch in the club. Her hand, without me noticing, had come to rest on my nether-regions. As soon as I copped it, I pushed her off(quite forcibly), which resulted in her spilling her drink on herself.

I'm willing to try calling her bluff, but I don't think she's bluffing.

Wait, you chuckled when she grabbed your ass and you're "willing to call her bluff"? Either you're more interested than you're letting on or you need to be waaaaay more forceful when you're rejecting her. Calling her bluff won't get you anywhere; what if you end up sleeping together? Tell her she's a slapper and to try her skanktics elsewhere, then let your friend know what sort of a girlfriend he's got. Although you'll probably be in trouble, too, if you think chuckling at her is adequate rejection.

ETA: I don't know a human alive who wouldn't notice someone's hand on their genitals. The only way (in my mind) this could be possible is if you were absolutely pissed, but then you'd likely have trouble remembering the night. Ffs, it's your naughty bits, how could you NOT notice that?! I think you need to call your own bluff, tbh.

Húrin

SarahSassy wrote: »

Its not sexist... Its the basis of all the confusion here. She is treating him in what is a platonic (to women) manner but the men here seem to percieve it as a sexual come on.

Remember, it is you/B] who has decided that her behaviour is platonic.

PillyPen wrote: »

ETA: I don't know a human alive who wouldn't notice someone's hand on their genitals.

Maybe he was wearing very baggy trousers.

CDfm

Wow. She groped his ass and genitals - how platonic is that?

puglover

Unregistered wrote: »

OP here.

When he's around it's largely harmless, but the difference in her actions between when he's around and when he's not is what's freaking me out.

He's, shall we say, "not much of a dancer". Last night, in order to break up an argument before it began I told her that I'd dance with her. After 10-15 minutes there a slow song comes on, which is my cue to depart. She grabbed me, started slowdancing, and after a few minutes had her hands on my arse. I told her that we'd talked about that, chuckled, and walked her off the floor.

Later on, when he'd gone to the jacks, she was talking to me on the couch in the club. Her hand, without me noticing, had come to rest on my nether-regions. As soon as I copped it, I pushed her off(quite forcibly), which resulted in her spilling her drink on herself.

I'm willing to try calling her bluff, but I don't think she's bluffing.

Ok there is a massive difference between flirting & copping a feel.

I wouldn't tell her bf, never get involved in other peoples relationships...no good will come of it. Just do your best to avoid her & I'm sure your mate will see her for what she is at some point. As for calling her bluff, why would you be willing to do that??

girl2

Of course she's coming on to you!

You want to run a mile.....try to best to get away from any contact with this person as its going to clearly put a big dent in your friendship with your friend if he ever finds out the carry on that has been going on and you didnt tell him.

Maybe you should tell him???

Either way, you be careful!

SarahSassy

Húrin wrote: »

Remember, it is you/B] who has decided that her behaviour is platonic..

Based on the original post

Duh!