Starting Over

Handsome Bob

Hi all.:) I went to a film today that had a line in it that really struck a chord with me. It went along the lines of "have the courage to start over again if you feel you've wasted your life so far."

I'm in the last year of my degree in University, a degree that I haven't exactly glossed with straight A's. For a bit of background, the beginning of University coincided with the death of my Godmother at the age of 38 to cancer. It affected me deeply and grief has never left me, it hasn't been constant, but it has hit me enough out of the blue that it has disrupted my degree at various times. I'm at the stage where I'm coming out with an average degree in a field that I have waning interest in.

Funnily enough, it's only now that I have began to reconcile with my godmother's death and that I've a clear view of what I want to do, yet I feel I've let my most important years go to waste. I'll be 22 by the time I graduate. I can't start a degree all over again. I have to go into the workforce, to start saving money so I can get out of my patents hair. I cannot ask them to tolerate me spending another three years in college just for ANOTHER degree. Yet I know I'm on the road to a life and career that I don't want.

I just want to know if anyone has found themselves in a similar situation and if they have any advice.

(side-note- I have paid all of my own fees in college, I'm not someone who is depending financially on mammy and daddy other than living in their house).

The Sweeper

Make more of an effort in the final part of your degree, and investigate alternative ways of achieving a qualitification in what you now believe you want to do - e.g. three years of college followed by an MA in what you really want.

Your life is not Hollywood, beware of throwing everything away to pursue a the contentment suggested by a slogan. Make what you already have work for and with you - if you really want something, investigate every possible means of getting it and pursue from there.

LegacyUser

You can always work for a year or two and see how you feel. People go to/back to college way older than you. You could also do a degree at night while working. You really are still very young and have some time to play with still.

Handsome Bob

Minesajackdaniels wrote: »

Make more of an effort in the final part of your degree, and investigate alternative ways of achieving a qualitification in what you now believe you want to do - e.g. three years of college followed by an MA in what you really want.

Your life is not Hollywood, beware of throwing everything away to pursue a the contentment suggested by a slogan. Make what you already have work for and with you - if you really want something, investigate every possible means of getting it and pursue from there.

It's strange, on top of that line I heard in the film, in the lecture I had this morning my lecturer spoke of how her father was a carpenter at heart. It was what he loved, he loved making things of wood. But he sought and got a job in the civil service because it was a job he felt was a better means of supporting his family. He hated the job, and he ultimately died at a relatively young age. It's so strange that a particular sentiment was expressed to me twice in one day!

You are right though, I have resolved myself to doing the absolute best that I can in my degree in order to have as many options as possible.

Otis Driftwood

Im almost 30,did my 4 year degree and started working a field that has been decimated by the recession.Lost my job before xmas and have only had 1 interview.I was offered the job but it was for almost 10k less than I was earning.I had to refuse it as I simply could not afford to live in Dublin - pay rent and my other monthly outgoings - on that salary.Result,Ive had to move back in with my parents for the time being and as much as I love them it SUCKS ASS.(Jesus,that reads like my own PI )You are only at the beginning of your career.There are a world of night courses/distance learning courses you can do if thats what you want.
You havnt given any details about what you are doing or what you want to do so I cant really offer anymore advice than that.Just remember,its not the end of the world and there are more options out there for you than ever before,and as Minesajackdaniels said,your life isnt Hollywood.Best of luck.

LegacyUser

LZ5by5 wrote: »

Yet I know I'm on the road to a life and career that I don't want.

Not necessarily. Just because you'll probably graduate with a degree in Subject X doesn't mean you have to work in the area of Subject X. If you're thinking of dropping out before finishing your degree, I'd HIGHLY RECOMMEND sticking with it. Even a degree in something you have no interest in will open doors for you. For example, getting a work visa in a foreign country is far easier with a degree (any degree at all) than without.

Also, you mention that you "can't start a degree all over again", but it's never too late to go back to education. I'm 27 and I'm thinking of starting a degree with the Open University, as I want to have more freedom to travel (and have more employment options). At 22, you're going to want independence from your parents, full-time work, etc, but there are always part-time and distance learning options. Even a certificate or diploma in an area you're interested in (plus your other degree) will help.

cHaTbOx

You are 22.
You will be working for a hell of a long time so you are better off doing something you enjoy if you can.
You have to live life as you only have one , no second chances.

Unregistered wrote: »

You can always work for a year or two and see how you feel..

Maybe do this for a bit , get some contacts , if you are not happy and you know it well what is that point Liz .
Life is way to short to have regrets and at the end of the day nobody will care what you do if you enjoy it , and as for the parents you could work out a thing by which when you get a job you like pay some amoney back.
Finish your degree to the best of your ability.
I wish you the best of luck mate .

Handsome Bob

nedtheshed wrote: »

Im almost 30,did my 4 year degree and started working a field that has been decimated by the recession.Lost my job before xmas and have only had 1 interview.I was offered the job but it was for almost 10k less than I was earning.I had to refuse it as I simply could not afford to live in Dublin - pay rent and my other monthly outgoings - on that salary.Result,Ive had to move back in with my parents for the time being and as much as I love them it SUCKS ASS.(Jesus,that reads like my own PI )You are only at the beginning of your career.There are a world of night courses/distance learning courses you can do if thats what you want.
You havnt given any details about what you are doing or what you want to do so I cant really offer anymore advice than that.Just remember,its not the end of the world and there are more options out there for you than ever before,and as Minesajackdaniels said,your life isnt Hollywood.Best of luck.

Heh heh, I know, but as I explained with my lecturer story it is such a strange omen to have a message being hit into you twice, once through hollywood and once through reality in the same day.

Just hearing your suggestion of night courses makes me feel a lot calmer!

As for specific details, what I'm doing is Social Science. What my passion is, and it always has been going back to it being my best subject in the LC, is Geography. In my degree we're given an opportunity to choose a subject each semester outside of the degree. Everytime I've picked a subject it's been Geography and I've aced it every time.

starchild

Many people will have seen that film and many will have also heard the later comment about the guy being a carpenter at heart but it will not resonate as deeply with them as it has with you - the reason being

You are not happy with what your doing, its like a wake up call, i totally understand the point in finishing the degree but would enourage you to only pursue this option if you honestly feel you can get any degree of satisfaction out of working in this field.

its very very easy to slip back into the same old way of doing things until a few more years have gone past and then the same feelings will arise again

Handsome Bob

random chatbox wrote: »

You are 22.
You will be working for a hell of a long time so you are better off doing something you enjoy if you can.
You have to live life as you only have one , no second chances.



Maybe do this for a bit , get some contacts , if you are not happy and you know it well what is that point Liz .
Life is way to short to have regrets and at the end of the day nobody will care what you do if you enjoy it , and as for the parents you could work out a thing by which when you get a job you like pay some amoney back.
Finish your degree to the best of your ability.
I wish you the best of luck mate .

See this is the problem man. That's what I want to do, just work for a while and then return, but that's completely ignoring the needs of my parents. Even if I get a job to pay them back, I'm only paying them back what they have given me already. My parents are in their twilight years, they deserve their own time asap, not me just paying my way through another 3 years for another degree.

Nappy

Your only 22. Do what you want to do. Dont get stuck in a rut 4 the rest of your life. I started college again this year at 21 and am much happier. With the recession its probably good to stay in education for the next few years.

cHaTbOx

LZ5by5 wrote: »

See this is the problem man. That's what I want to do, just work for a while and then return, but that's completely ignoring the needs of my parents. Even if I get a job to pay them back, I'm only paying them back what they have given me already. My parents are in their twilight years, they deserve their own time asap, not me just paying my way through another 3 years for another degree.

I would have a chat with your parents , in all honesty they want the best for you . Pride and joy for 22 years . 3 years is nothing in the scheme of things and if you lay down the terms of how you will pay it back then I really don't think you should feel too guilty , Also you may be a while looking for a job in the climate and your degree may not be worth as much atm . Might be worth it going back . I think the first step is maybe chat with your parents. Make a home-made meal or something and have a long chat over your options . I would urge you to talk to them and if they are not to keen on the idea , maybe get a full time job with the degree you will get and save a vast amount over a few years and go back .

minidazzler

LZ5by5 wrote: »

See this is the problem man. That's what I want to do, just work for a while and then return, but that's completely ignoring the needs of my parents. Even if I get a job to pay them back, I'm only paying them back what they have given me already. My parents are in their twilight years, they deserve their own time asap, not me just paying my way through another 3 years for another degree.

Why don't you scrape together a bit of money and travel.

The Art of Travel is to deviate from one's plans.

Why not travel and live your life, not just be a spectator.

If you really think of your life so far. Born>School>Secondary School>College<This is where you really have your own first true decision.

Do you want to go back to college, attain another degree that in 3 years you may no longer enjoy doing???

I would be of the school of thought that you should really get out there and experience the world, then decide what you want to do with your life.

Handsome Bob

random chatbox wrote: »

I would have a chat with your parents , in all honesty they want the best for you . Pride and joy for 22 years . 3 years is nothing in the scheme of things and if you lay down the terms of how you will pay it back then I really don't think you should feel too guilty , Also you may be a while looking for a job in the climate and your degree may not be worth as much atm . Might be worth it going back . I think the first step is maybe chat with your parents. Make a home-made meal or something and have a long chat over your options . I would urge you to talk to them and if they are not to keen on the idea , maybe get a full time job with the degree you will get and save a vast amount over a few years and go back .

Thanks RC for the feedback. My parents have been great, I have voiced my concerns already to them and they have basically told me not to worry about money. I'll definitely be having a more in depth talk with them. I think first though I'll have a chat with my careers office to see what are my options with my current degree.

minidazzler wrote: »

Why don't you scrape together a bit of money and travel.

The Art of Travel is to deviate from one's plans.

Why not travel and live your life, not just be a spectator.

If you really think of your life so far. Born>School>Secondary School>College<This is where you really have your own first true decision.

Do you want to go back to college, attain another degree that in 3 years you may no longer enjoy doing???

I would be of the school of thought that you should really get out there and experience the world, then decide what you want to do with your life.

That's a great idea. I had a discussion with my friend a few weeks ago. He has dropped out of Uni twice and is now thinking of going travelling (and them back to Uni upon his return). I asked him was he worried about the debt he'd be putting himself in and he replied with simply 'no', you could be dead tomorrow so you might as well live it to the full. He really stuck me with that answer, as we've both had aquaintances that have died in the past year in sudden situations.

Nappy wrote: »

Your only 22. Do what you want to do. Dont get stuck in a rut 4 the rest of your life. I started college again this year at 21 and am much happier. With the recession its probably good to stay in education for the next few years.

Nice one. And you are right, hell, there are plenty of people in my life that are unhappy with their current life situation. I don't want to end up thinking "what if" and being bitter.

R.D. aka MR.D

i had a similar freak out when i was in the middle of my undergrad degree. i spent lots of time worrying about how its basically a waste of four years etc. i hated it.

i decided work for a while to figure out what i wanted to do/save some money. after a week in the jobs i decided to apply for a postgrad course. i realised that yes i'm going to get my self into huge amounts of debt and no i wouldn't be gaurenteed a job but i'm happier than i've ever been in my life.

i was just lucky that i realised so quickly and i only had to spend 4 months having my soul sucked out me in a horrible job.

i also thought my parents would freak out/felt it was unfair but they are much more happy that i'm following my dreams and happy than unhappy and fully independant.

taking the risk has turned out being the best desicion for my happiness i have ever made.